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ladyjuiceyfruit · Oct 22, 2009, 08:08 PM

Originally Posted by Sprung09

Have you tried to just come out and say "Are you still sexually attracted to me?"

I say things like that all of the time and he tells me he is.He asks me all the time if I'm tired of him and if I want to move on. He knows that I am sexually frustrated I feel like he should do " something" to keep me happy but I can't get anything.

ladyjuiceyfruit · Oct 22, 2009, 08:09 PM

Originally Posted by rockie100

In you other post you said you were charged with cocaine. Caught in a hotel room with this same man. I think I know the problem now...

So what do you feel the problem is?

Sprung09 · Oct 22, 2009, 08:10 PM

Originally Posted by ladyjuiceyfruit

I say things like that all of the time and he tells me he is.He asks me all the time if im tired of him and if i want to move on. He knows that I am sexually frustrated I feel like he should do " something" to keep me happy but I can't get anything.

Looking at what Rookie stated, could it have anything to do with the cocaine charge?

ladyjuiceyfruit · Oct 22, 2009, 08:11 PM

Originally Posted by Sprung09

Looking at what Rookie stated, could it have anything to do with the cocaine charge?

No we got charged on October 6th this has been going on for about a year.

Sprung09 · Oct 22, 2009, 08:14 PM

Originally Posted by ladyjuiceyfruit

No we got charged on October 6th this has been going on for about a year.

Based on what you said about him asking you if you want to move on it almost sounds like he is trying to push you out, maybe like he is just giving up, but giving up on what, I don't know.

Synnen · Oct 22, 2009, 08:18 PM

I'm betting the drugs have a HUGE influence on his libido.

Honey--you need to get your life straightened out WITHOUT this man.

Absolutely nowhere do you say you love him. Why are you staying with him, and having sex with him? Does it have anything to do with the drugs?

ladyjuiceyfruit · Oct 22, 2009, 08:18 PM

Originally Posted by Sprung09

Based on what you said about him asking you if you want to move on it almost sounds like he is trying to push you out, maybe like he is just giving up, but giving up on what, I don't know.

He makes comments a lot saying he's in my way and of course I tell him he's not I mean I work and come home and that's about it.. that's my life right there. I'd like to come home and be shown some affection I just can't GET ANY. Im so confused I don't want to give up on him but I don't really know how much more I can take.

ladyjuiceyfruit · Oct 22, 2009, 08:22 PM

Originally Posted by Synnen

I'm betting the drugs have a HUGE influence on his libido.

Honey--you need to get your life straightened out WITHOUT this man.

Absolutely nowhere do you say you love him. Why are you staying with him, and having sex with him? Does it have anything to do with the drugs?

Well we occasionally use drugs. Might be once every couple of months if even that. We did meet because of the drugs though I will admit to that. But that is not what has kept us together. I do love him and care for him dearly that is why I am still with him. If I did not love him I would be gone.

Sprung09 · Oct 22, 2009, 08:22 PM

Originally Posted by ladyjuiceyfruit

He makes comments alot saying he's in my way and of course I tell him hes not I mean I work and come home and thats about it.. thats my life right there. I'd like to come home and be shown some affection I just can't GET ANY. Im so confused i dont want to give up on him but I dont really know how much more I can take.

I think the best advice I can give is if you keep trying and it keeps failing, remember you can only help people who want to be helped. He is quite a bit older than you and you are in the prime of your fun years. Don't waste them on something you can't help unless it is both of you doing it together.

rockie100 · Oct 22, 2009, 08:24 PM

He might be giving up on a lifestyle he is to old to be involved in. He has high blood pressure to boot.

ladyjuiceyfruit · Oct 22, 2009, 08:28 PM

Originally Posted by Sprung09

I think the best advice I can give is if you keep trying and it keeps failing, remember you can only help people who want to be helped. He is quite a bit older than you and you are in the prime of your fun years. Don't waste them on something you can't help unless it is both of you doing it together.

I am going to keep trying if we end up talking about it I' will suggest he see a doctor that's all I can think of. Thank you.

ladyjuiceyfruit · Oct 22, 2009, 08:29 PM

Originally Posted by rockie100

He might be giving up on a lifestyle he is to old to be involved in. He has high blood pressure to boot.

What do you mean?

asking · Oct 22, 2009, 08:38 PM

Sheesh. 60 isn't THAT old. Let's not give up on this guy.

I agree that he should get to a doctor if possible, both about the lack of action and also I wonder if he is not suffering from depression. Lack of libido and his comments wondering if you are going to leave sound like depression to me.

That said, I agree that 40 years is a HUGE age difference and I think in the long run it will feel like more than it does now. It may be that he thought this would be a short fling and is surprised by your loyalty.

Some frank talk is in order. If this relationship is to go anywhere, you two need to be able to speak openly about all these things.

ladyjuiceyfruit · Oct 22, 2009, 08:42 PM

Originally Posted by asking

Sheesh. 60 isn't THAT old. Let's not give up on this guy.

I agree that he should get to a doctor if possible, both about the lack of action and also I wonder if he is not suffering from depression. Lack of libido and his comments wondering if you are going to leave sound like depression to me.

That said, I agree that 40 years is a HUGE age difference and I think in the long run it will feel like more than it does now. It may be that he thought this would be a short fling and is surprised by your loyalty.

Some frank talk is in order. If this relationship is to go anywhere, you two need to be able to speak openly about all these things.

I absolutely agree the age is a huge difference and I honestly did not think we would last but I am a very loyal person I think one problem with that is I am scared of being alone. One thing is he is still married he hasn't even gotten a divorce.. he doesn't see his wife at all but I just wonder why he hasn't done that yet..

Synnen · Oct 22, 2009, 08:46 PM

Oh boy.

Honey, get yourself into a counselor.

Between the drug use, the dating a man 40 years older than you are--and married to boot!--and the fear of being alone---you need help.

Sprung09 · Oct 22, 2009, 08:50 PM

Don't be scared to be alone. Being an independent women is the best self esteem you could ever have for yourself.

ladyjuiceyfruit · Oct 22, 2009, 08:54 PM

Originally Posted by Sprung09

Don't be scared to be alone. Being an independant women is the best self esteem you could ever have for yourself.

Ive been dating since I was about 13 lost my virginity at 14 I've never not had a boyfriend, would be strange for me I think I could do it but would be lonely. Im happy with the guy I'm with besides the whole sex problem... just need to fix that.

ladyjuiceyfruit · Oct 22, 2009, 08:56 PM

Originally Posted by Synnen

Oh boy.

Honey, get yourself into a counselor.

Between the drug use, the dating a man 40 years older than you are--and married to boot!--and the fear of being alone---you need help.

I don't really think I need help the drug use like I said earlier is not a constant thing and I am done with that now. And him being 40 years older then me isn't an issue for me. Him being married is but they haven't been together for at least 3-4 years.

Gemini54 · Oct 22, 2009, 11:23 PM

Diabetes can have a significant effect on libido. But, I suspect diabetes is just the tip of the iceberg here.

I don't want to get into 'shoulds' because we are all different, with different needs - and I don't want to judge your individual experience. But I think that there are a number of issues here and they aren't to do with your partner's libido, they are to do with you.

Life has a series of cycles. You are 20 and you are just at the start of your life cycle. You should be experiencing what life has to offer you as a young woman at the beginning of her prime. You should be meeting people, traveling, going out to parties - expanding your horizons and learning about yourself and the world. You should be curious, enthusiastic and open to different experiences - emotional, sexual, intellectual.

Your partner is 40 years older and is at quite a different stage of life. You describe life with him as going to work and coming home, occasionally you do drugs together and you also say that he doesn't give you physical affection or satisfy you sexually.

Is it that you're afraid of life? You certainly sound as if you're afraid of being without a man. Why? Why would you be lonely without a man? This man may be physically present in your life but it doesn't sound as if he's emotionally or sexually present.

May I suggest that I think that you are dependent on having a man in your life, any man. Please have a think about this - it's really easy to mistake dependence for love.

artlady · Oct 23, 2009, 12:05 AM

Maybe he is thinking about his wife ,as per your other post,when you talk about him being married.