Ask Me Help Desk - Boyfriend denieing me

Boyfriend denieing me

OK well id like to start saying I'm a 20 year old white female I got in a relationship 2 years ago with a 60 yr old black male. I know what you people are thinking that maybe he has money or what not but that's not it. He's a caring person and has done a lot to help me but he will no touch me or have sex with me anymore. When we first began the relationship he couldn't resist me or keep his hands off me now I can't get him to touch me. I wear sexy things and he'll look and then look away I don't understand.. any advice?

Has he had any health issues since this has started?

Well he has diabetes and high blood pressure but he's had that... I've asked him you know what's the problem and he always tells me that he don't know..

If you're 20--TYPE LIKE AN ADULT.

No chat speak.

I'm sure your question is serious, but it's hard to take you seriously when you type like my 12 year old niece.

Any further chat speak will be deleted.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Synnen

If you're 20--TYPE LIKE AN ADULT.

No chat speak.

I'm sure your question is serious, but it's hard to take you seriously when you type like my 12 year old niece.

Any further chat speak will be deleted.

How would you like me to type? I didn't know there was a certain way I had to ask my question I just wanted some advice. I apologoze.

Just please do not use txt spk. Write out the full word. Use "you" instead of "u". Use "are" instead of "r".

As far as your problem--really, I'm wondering what there is BESIDES the sex to hold the two of you together. Usually I don't think that age is a HUGE issue in a relationship unless one of the people is underage. But... there are 40 years between the two of you. I honestly cannot imagine what you would have in common BESIDES the sex, since you're at completely different points in life, with completely different outlooks because of that.

That being said--have you TALKED to him about it? How have those conversations gone?

Well, I don't want this to sound rude, but since there is such a big age difference between you two, is it easy for both of you to be seen in public together or has that been going downhill as well. I am just thinking maybe as he is getting older, he is starting to feel differently about dating someone so much younger than him? Maybe someone said something to him about it?

I know from experience I dated someone 12 years older than me when I was 19, and the same thing started to fall into play and I just found out that he got sick of me and thought if he could get someone as young as me he could do better?

Not sure if this is the instance in your case but just trying to help you explore the possibilities.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Synnen

Just please do not use txt spk. Write out the full word. Use "you" instead of "u". Use "are" instead of "r".

As far as your problem--really, I'm wondering what there is BESIDES the sex to hold the two of you together. Usually I don't think that age is a HUGE issue in a relationship unless one of the people is underage. But...there are 40 years between the two of you. I honestly cannot imagine what you would have in common BESIDES the sex, since you're at completely different points in life, with completely different outlooks because of that.

That being said--have you TALKED to him about it? How have those conversations gone?

I have tried talking to him and he says he doesn't know what his problem is I think he just doesn't have any sex drive I've tried everything to get him "into it" and nothing has worked .I really feel uncomfortable talking to him about it and I shouldn't but that's the way it is. When we first got together he couldn't keep his hands off me I've been told by friends that it was just so he would have hold on me to keep me with him, I'm beginning to think its true.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ladyjuiceyfruit

I have tried talking to him and he says he doesnt know what his problem is I think he just doesnt have any sex drive I've tried everything to get him "into it" and nothing has worked .I really feel uncomfortable talking to him about it and I shouldnt but thats the way it is. When we first got together he couldnt keep his hands off me I've been told by friends that it was just so he would have hold on me to keep me with him, im beginning to think its true.

Does he still get aroused down there? Is something like Viagra needed?

Maybe he has realized that he can't get aroused anymore and he feels embarressed talking to you about it?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sprung09

Well, I don't want this to sound rude, but since there is such a big age difference between you two, is it easy for both of you to be seen in public together or has that been going downhill as well. I am just thinking maybe as he is getting older, he is starting to feel differently about dating someone so much younger than him? Maybe someone said something to him about it?

I know from experience I dated someone 12 years older than me when I was 19, and the same thing started to fall into play and I just found out that he got sick of me and thought if he could get someone as young as me he could do better?

Not sure if this is the instance in your case but just trying to help you explore the possibilities.

When were in Public I have tried holding his hand and I don't think he really liked that too much because he pulled away... YOu would think I would be the one to do that but Im not Im a very affectionate person and I don't care what people think. I know his mother doesn't approve of me and him and people have made comments to him before but it has never affected him.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sprung09

Does he still get aroused down there? Is something like Viagra needed?

He does and doesn't I can't give a straight answer to that. He has tried viagra before and it did not have an affect on him.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sprung09

Maybe he has realized that he can't get aroused anymore and he feels embarressed talking to you about it?

That might be it but we haven't had vaginal sex in a long time which I don't really mind that I mean I miss it but I'm okay with foreplay and I can't get that either

Quote:

Originally Posted by ladyjuiceyfruit

That might be it but we havent had vaginal sex in a long time which I dont really mind that I mean I miss it but im okay with foreplay and I can't get that either

Between the arousal issue and the opinion of others issue I think you have it pinpointed pretty close. I am just not sure how you could get him to talk to you about the arousal issue? Still thinking about ideas on that one...

I honestly cannot believe the number of people that are having sex with people they can't TALK about sex with.

True intimacy starts in your head, not in your pants. If you are not comfortable enough with someone to talk to them about what happens in the bedroom--how can you possibly hope to maintain intimacy outside of the bedroom?

I suggest that you sit down with him and tell him how YOU feel about it, and work on talking through it together.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sprung09

Between the arousal issue and the opinion of others issue I think you have it pinpointed pretty close. I am just not sure how you could get him to talk to you about the arousal issue? Still thinking about ideas on that one...

I have no clue how to start a conversation with him about that. I would feel so uncomfortable.If I new the right words I might beable to talk to him about it but I don't know what to say.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Synnen

I honestly cannot believe the number of people that are having sex with people they can't TALK about sex with.

True intimacy starts in your head, not in your pants. If you are not comfortable enough with someone to talk to them about what happens in the bedroom--how can you possibly hope to maintain intimacy outside of the bedroom?

I suggest that you sit down with him and tell him how YOU feel about it, and work on talking through it together.

I feel like he will be embarrassed and I don't want to hurt his feelings.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Synnen

I honestly cannot believe the number of people that are having sex with people they can't TALK about sex with.

True intimacy starts in your head, not in your pants. If you are not comfortable enough with someone to talk to them about what happens in the bedroom--how can you possibly hope to maintain intimacy outside of the bedroom?

I suggest that you sit down with him and tell him how YOU feel about it, and work on talking through it together.

I agree with the intimacy part, but personal experience made it to where I love my husband but because of the way I was raised, I never felt comfortable talking about, especially to my partner. It took me about a year to gain the trust and honor of my husband before I was okay to fully discuss all issues with him even though we were still sexually active.

So I think it not only depends on the way you were raised but who your partner is will have an affect on the issue all around.

Just a opinion though, everyone is different.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ladyjuiceyfruit

I feel like he will be embarrassed and I don't want to hurt his feelings.

Have you tried to just come out and say "Are you still sexually attracted to me?"

In you other post you said you were charged with cocaine. Caught in a hotel room with this same man. I think I know the problem now...