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jmjoseph · Jul 15, 2009, 06:06 AM

Wow, you cheat on her , then try extortion, and she still doesn't submit? It must be your cologne. It sounds like you two aren't meant for each other. Most guys that say " I can get pretty much ANYONE I want" usually can't. GOD bless the little one in all this.

binx44 · Jul 15, 2009, 06:14 AM

I agree.. it seems like your looking at the what's in it for me, I can get what I want end and not the what can we do to make each other happy aspect of it... Not getting sex from her, then cheating on her then demanding sex Will Never get you more sex in the end.. I personally would break up with anyone who cheated on me. And I would dump someone trying extortion even quicker.. your lucky she has not dumped you yet.. You say you love her... then why harp about yourself and your needs only? To a woman (and yes I'm a woman lol) foreplay is not only touching. But having our Significant Other do things for us.. such as dishes, cooking for us, cleaning, laundry, I could go on forever lol. I think you guys should see a counselor together. Maybe in the end you will both agree to part ways but at the same time remember your daughter is your daughter and no matter how much you and your girl disagree or do not get along you should always do what's best for your kid... My mother left my father because it was for the best of us... Sometimes its just got to be done.. Though if you do decide to stay together you should NEVER EVER be unfaithful again.. that just causes rifts in a relationship and trust issues.. which it sounds like she doesn't trust you as is. And that's never pleasant knowing the person you love doesn't trust you... but we are all responsible for our actions

artlady · Jul 15, 2009, 06:17 AM

Have you ever asked her what the problem is?

Perhaps you are not satisfying her needs and she is bored with your performance in bed.

Has she ever had an orgasm? Does she masturbate?

Bottom line is ,you knew this going in to the relationship and you stayed.

There is help for women who are frigid.If this is a deal breaker in your relationship,I would invest the time and money to have her seek medical treatment.

Your attitude also needs to change and cheating is not the answer.

Suppose she had a disability and she could not physically have sex,would you feel compelled to cheat then?
Here is a link that may help you.
Female Sexual Dysfunction - Common Sexual Problems, Causes of Decreased Libido

smoothy · Jul 15, 2009, 06:17 AM

Originally Posted by mommaofthree

i kknow first hand experience what kind of relationship this...im in one almost the exact same way...the problem with mine is that he never listens to what i feel or what i have to say and when the talking gets deep he doesnt want to talk anymore...its all about him that is such a turn off for me. so my question is why have sex and open yourself completely to someone who acts that way? like he doesnt give a sh** about you or what u want..and that is exactly what this sounds like its all me. me. me. WHAT ABOUT HER?

True... you GOT to have communication. And if you don't have communication, why even think about getting married. A ring doesn't change human nature. It just makes it harder to get out of the situation.

anymouse · Jul 20, 2009, 03:50 AM

Has anyone ever been with someone you can finish their sentences for... u just know what they are talking about, and where they are going with the conversation, and pretty much know and see the entire point they are making before they finish what they are taliking about?. that's me and that's us... I don't get all oooh... ahhhh... and wow bravo! When we talk and often cut her off... cause I know where its going and she doesn't understand that... she thinks I'm ignoring or not hearing her side when I know what she is saying before she even says it... and I've found myself saying to myself she is going to say this while she was saying it and didn't interrupt and found that 99.9 percent of the time I'm right on the money I know what she is going to say and how she will protray it... so I sometimes start my rebuttle before she even knows what the debate is about... ARGGGHHH...

anymouse · Jul 20, 2009, 03:55 AM

I've not solicited (begged) or tried for sex in over a week... still a no go... MUST... DO... SOMETHING... cant... LAST... much... LONGER!.

anymouse · Jul 20, 2009, 04:03 AM

Log date July 20th 09,. still no sign of affection of a sexual nature... she sometimes comes at me with an affectionate look and gives me a peck on the lips but shows no sign of wanting its been 8 days now... the other day she asked me to scratch her back after work... I scratched her back and massaged her thouroghly at no time during the massage did she return the favor when I finished she replied... I'm tired and went to bed

jmjoseph · Jul 20, 2009, 05:54 AM

As long as you cut her off when she talks, you're probably not going to see any action. You need to keep quiet, and LISTEN to what she's saying. She expects that from you, most people do. Sit down and talk to her, and this time listen. Make her feel like she's the only person in the world. Or have you blown it yet?

smoothy · Jul 20, 2009, 10:10 AM

Did I understand right that you two are LIVING together as well? Odd if she will live with you but effectively not sleep with you.

Like was mentioned... you got to talk, and you Got to listen.

But if she is effectively asexual, and has little interest to get you (assuming there is SOME if infrequent sex), it certainly isn't going to pick up after you get married.

If she does at times put out, and isn't being abstinant until marriage the former is far different than the latter.

If it's the latter, you have to man up and deal with it... if it's the former and she puts out every week or two... then you have to acept the fact that's as good as its going to get. And consider moving on as this is clearly important to you and a source of great friction.

anymouse · Aug 16, 2009, 10:50 PM

Originally Posted by binx44

I agree.. it seems like your looking at the whats in it for me, i can get what i want end and not the what can we do to make eachother happy aspect of it... Not getting sex from her, then cheating on her then demanding sex Will Never get you more sex in the end.. I personally would break up with anyone who cheated on me. and i would dump someone trying extortion even quicker.. your lucky she has not dumped you yet.. You say you love her... then why harp about yourself and your needs only? To a woman (and yes i'm a woman lol) foreplay is not only touching. but having our Significant Other do things for us.. such as dishes, cooking for us, cleaning, laundry, i could go on forever lol. I think you guys should see a councellor together. Maybe in the end you will both agree to part ways but at the same time remember your daughter is your daughter and no matter how much you and your girl disagree or do not get along you should always do whats best for your kid... My mother left my father because it was for the best of us... Sometimes its just got to be done.. Though if you do decide to stay together you should NEVER EVER be unfaithful again.. that just causes rifts in a relationship and trust issues.. which it sounds like she doesnt trust you as is. and thats never pleasant knowing the person you love doesnt trust you... but we are all responsible for our actions

Yeah and by not giving a and doing whatever she wants makes it all about her... to be in a relationship takes two people living for each other and not themselves THAT I agree on...
However if one is living for themselves and not the other... eventually the other starts not giving a either...

melsky · Aug 16, 2009, 11:22 PM

Why be with her if your going to cheat on her. If you want to get sex somewhere else and if sex means more to you than the relationship then leave her

anymouse · Aug 16, 2009, 11:46 PM

Originally Posted by melsky

Why be with her if your going to cheat on her. If you want to get sex somewhere else and if sex means more to you than the relationship then leave her

The sex has picked up since I broke up with her (starting to lag again though)... we are still together... but I've found some lesbo porn on her desktop that intrigues me further...
Hmmmmm

smoothy · Aug 17, 2009, 07:18 AM

You really need to get her out of your life... because as long as she's there, its going to be hard to let go. And you need to let go in order to see the better opportunities that abound out there.

jenniepepsi · Aug 17, 2009, 10:00 AM

emilyjade disagrees: But if he says that he's tried being nice and doing other things for her too, I don't think he's in the wrong

Mmm. My post was my opinion. You cant/shouldnt give me a reddie for my opinion.
Not to mention, you gave a reddi based on YOUR opinion.. . go read the board rules again. I think you missed a few.

Not to mention you are 16 and should not be on this board in the first place

Ren6 · Aug 17, 2009, 11:19 AM

Geez... you shouldn't finish her sentences for her, that's just rude.

Until you break up, masturbate. You don't HAVE to have sex with another person, especially while you're still living with your fiancé. The "lesbo" porn doesn't necessarily mean she'd be into some kind of girl-girl-guy three way, either.

You'd both be better off with different partners. Good luck...

KoV-Pappy · Aug 17, 2009, 11:59 AM

Hmm , this is a tough one... I've been with the same woman 20 years.

The first thing you need to know is that you messed up, cheating is a deal breaker in my opinion... horny or not... go beat off... for godsake go buy a plastic one, if your hand won't do it.

Second and most importantly, YOU ARE A DADDY NOW!
Your penis's needs take an extreme back seat to that child.

So get your head on straight, and think about your relationship...
If your willing to wait the five or so years it will take for her to trust you again then I would stick around cause you obviously love her. But, be warned women as a general rule are vengeful.
I still get yelled at for leaving the rent money in my wallet on the dash of my car and having it stolen 19 years ago. You WILL hear about your shortcomings in the future if you stay around.

Finally if you do leave or quit dating or whatever make damn sure to take care of that child...

"Little girls who do not get enough daddy time, become strippers or worse....little boys become dangerous to our society when daddy is not around." an anonymous mental health professional wrote that.

To ensure that your child gets the right idea's about relationships make damn sure that if you do leave it is an amicable parting if at all possible. Do everything you can to make her mom happy about it. Because if you don't the child will be hearing all about it.
I know a guy that actually pays his wife an extra 200 a month, if his daughter comes over and behaves appropriately in positive manners. It sounds stupid but now his ex is encouraged to say positive things about mom and dad instead of all the negative stuff that twists a kids mind.

And one more quote... (You do not have to f_______ like it you IDIOT, You just have to f______ do it!"

Hehehe that's a quote from my Company Commander in boot camp now get to it!

N0help4u · Aug 17, 2009, 01:10 PM

Get off the roller coaster she only gives in to shut you up then its back to her way.
You are sexually incompatible. Cheating is NOT the answer. So you either learn to live with little sex her way or break up and find someone more compatible sexually.
You are not going to change her and she is not going to change for you.

smoothy · Aug 18, 2009, 05:05 AM

Well, I know there is a kid involved. But what is going to be worse for a kid... growing up in a house where the parents hate each other... and if she refuses to put out for whatever reason... hatered WILL build.

If she refuses to deal with her issues then how can she rightfully expect fidelity? Difficult case indeed. But he didn't join the clergy and agree to a vow of celibacy. Nor should he be forced into it against his will.

But with that part said... if she refuses to get treatment for whatever her issues are. Then she can't expect him to go without just because SHE doesn't want any.

Two way street. They can hash out the custody thing, but I'm not convinced a child is any worse off in a situation where their dad and mom aren't together, than they are in a situation where they are but are