[Homegirl 50]

She left you, she did not cheat. She left you because she wanted something else, so this is not about trust.
When you are over this, you will see things differently and you will meet someone else and if she is "the one" you will know it.

[AKeagle]

I think that what she is doing, she hasn't looked past her nose. Is taking the few bad times, and covering all the good times. Is going to this guy for immediate satisfaction and comfort, if that makes since.
I agree with the new relationship feeling, but she is 2 years younger than I am, and I was looking for towards the future of us, not the then and now.

[AKeagle]

She left you, she did not cheat. She left ou because she wnts something else, so this is not about trust.
When you are over this, you will see things differently and you will meet someone else and if she is "the one" you will know it.

I have no idea if she cheated on me, the way things are looking, it seems like it happened

[talaniman]

We all think its forever when we are in love, but the reality is, stuff happens, and people change, and so does life.

Maybe you have never been dumped before, or never had to dump someone, because your heart and feelings have changed, but keep living and you will.

It sucks, but you better start learning to cope with your feelings in a positive way, as that's what's going to carry you through many things life will throw at you down the road.

So don't wallow in your own pity, to long because you may miss other options, and opportunities, that may require your attention.

Accepting things for what they are, is the key to dealing with them.

Dwelling on what was, is a fools game, to escape responsibility for your own happiness.

[AKeagle]

Maybe you have never been dumped before, or never had to dump someone, because your heart and feelings have changed, but keep living and you will.

Sad to say, but the real relationships that I have had, have always ended in cheating. The first one just never talked to me again and got another guy who she had been seeing behind my back. The second one, well I still don't know what happened with that one. Third cheated on me, and had her friend tell me that is was over, her friend became one of my best friends after that. And this one, yeah she might not have cheated on me, but all the facts are showing different.

Am I just blind in my relationships, since this keeps happening to me? Do I just care too much, that I don't see things coming?

[Romefalls19]

I've been cheated on in every one of my relationships that mattered too. First one, cheated on me numerous times and I was only 16-18 and it took me until I was 21 to even speak to her again. She was so cold on how she did it, she would paint it as my fault to make me feel guilty. The second one, who was the most recent, was emotional cheating. She would talk to him, behind my back but to my face tell me nothing was going on and nothing could ever happen. That is the biggest red flag, the one they tell you that you don't have to worry about, is the biggest one to worry about. She broke up with me, after texting my cousin saying she was going to do it. Then on the day we exchange gifts, she asked me for "one last kiss" and after we broke up, still tried to control my life, who I talked to and who I hooked up with.

I am now happily engaged to a wonderful woman, who I love unconditionally. Sure my trust was and still is sketchy at times, but I have faith in who she is as a person that she won't cheat on me. I can't control if she will or not, but I firmly believe that she wouldn't. In my opinion, you have to be stable and happy being alone with yourself before you can be happy in a relationship with someone else.

[AKeagle]

In my opinion, you have to be stable and happy being alone with yourself before you can be happy in a relationship with someone else.

I would agree with that. Its shocking that people cheat to get out of relationships, instead of biting the bullet and being honest, at least then it would be easier to not look at them in a bad way

[Homegirl 50]

i think that what she is doing, she hasn't looked past her nose. is taking the few bad times, and covering all the good times. is going to this guy for immediate satisfaction and comfort, if that makes since.
i agree with the new relationship feeling, but she is 2 years younger than i am, and i was looking for towards the future of us, not the then and now.

How do you know she has not looked past her nose? Maybe she is with this guy because he is good for her. There is nothing wrong with her because she chose someone else and there is nothing wrong with you either. It is what it is!
You mentioned immediate satisfaction and comfort. Were you ignoring her, being complacent with her, was this an on going problem with you two?
You seem to be a very serious person and that is OK but maybe she is just not that way and wanted some freedom to be a 20 year old. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be yourself.
Looking towards the future is fine, but you can't ignore the here and now in a relationship. When you take care of the here and now, you can take it into the future.

[Romefalls19]

Yes that is true, but every time my relationships have ended, the world didn't end, I didn't die and I actually regrouped nicely and better than before. Life goes on

[Homegirl 50]

i have no idea if she cheated on me, the way things are looking, it seems like it happened

I think it may be the way things are going in YOUR mind. I think it would be easier for you to think the worse of her, to think she cheated, than to think she left you because she was not happy with you.

[Homegirl 50]

sad to say, but the real relationships that i have had, have always ended in cheating. the first one just never talked to me again and got another guy who she had been seeing behind my back. the second one, well i still don't know what happened with that one. Third cheated on me, and had her friend tell me that is was over, her friend became one of my best friends after that. and this one, yeah she might not have cheated on me, but all the facts are showing different.

am i just blind in my relationships, since this keeps happening to me? do i just care to much, that i don't see things coming?

You are so busy looking towards the future, you ignore the here and now. These are your own words. You see what you want to see.
I think you need to use this time to find out things about yourself.

[AKeagle]

I think it may be the way things are going in YOUR mind. I think it would be easier for you to think the worse of her, to think she cheated, than to think she left you because she was not happy with you.

OK, how's this.

I never met the guy, but she talked about him to me, not in a relationship way. She said the whole you don't have to worry about him, I love you. Then she comes home, says she is leaving, and ends up in this guys bed, 2 hours later, but lied to me about it all. Even after I knew, she still played like I was stupid. Right afterward we had parties to go to on Saturday and Sunday, which I never went to, but she took him with her, and would not talk to me around him, while all I wanted to do was get it arranged for her to get the last of her stuff. I don't know anyone who could pick up and leave that quick, and be in another persons arms that quick, without having planned it (cheated), and not being able to be by themselves (she has comfort issues, and always needs to know that someone is there for her, to have and hold)

In my eyes, whether you want to call it cheating or not, is looking as if she cheated, had a rush and said why not. You would have to be one heartless person to have got over something that long so fast. Even the devil would have taken some time

[Homegirl 50]

People go from one person to another that quick all of the time without ever being with that person before. It is not a wise thing but it happens, so you don't know for sure if she cheated. But if she did, shame on her.
But now, she is gone and you need to stop dewlling on this and move on.

[AKeagle]

You are so busy looking towards the future, you ignore the here and now. These are your own words. You see what you want to see.
I think you need to use this time to find out things about yourself.

What is wrong with looking towards the future in general or relationships. You plan on where you want to go, and then work to achieve it

[Romefalls19]

Yes, but while you are busy planning, that's time being wasted. I never once planned to be in the relationship I am in. I simply continued with each day, I did what I did and was done with it. Sure I set PERSONAL goals for myself, but nothing like "my next relationship" To that extent the most I did was make a list of qualities that a girl would have to possess in order for me to pursue. They weren't high maintenance ones, just simply things that I wanted in a relationship(intelligence, funny, sense of humor) but never plan for a relationship

[321543]

Like a beautiful bird in a cage, set it free. Watch it fly away, no matter how much it may hurt you. Time has a way of healing all wounds. Rather you want to believe that right now or not. Take it from an old man who survived it. Back in a day .
Now that done ,Stand up taller, walk straighter, than you ever have in the past. You shall show her as well as everyone else you are the greater person for not having her around. When she does come crawling back, or calling you ( and she will ) refrain, for who wants yesterdays leftovers. ( don't tell her this ) Tell her that you will always love her but it was her that walked out when you needed her most. You have moved on, because life goes on.
In the end You will find your glory .

[AKeagle]

Yes, but while you are busy planning, that's time being wasted. I never once planned to be in the relationship I am in. I simply continued with each day, I did what I did and was done with it. Sure I set PERSONAL goals for myself, but nothing like "my next relationship" To that extent the most I did was make a list of qualities that a girl would have to possess in order for me to pursue. They weren't high maintenance ones, just simply things that I wanted in a relationship(intelligence, funny, sense of humor) but never plan for a relationship

My thing isn't planning a relationship, I mean, what is wrong with planning towards a future, such as engagement or a family. That said, when we were together I was making a lot of moves for things and not telling her about them, such as financing a house, looking at how much it would cost to get her through college. Besides those, which are major, just basic things, like vacations and trips we would like to take.

[Homegirl 50]

what is wrong with looking towards the future in general or relationships. you plan on where you want to go, and then work to achieve it

Nothing is wrong with it. But you can be so focused in the future that you ignore the present. So focused on preparing and planing for the future that to ignore what needs to be done to keep things going in the present.
You can't ignore a person while you're busy planning for the future and expect them to be there when you're ready to deal with them.

[talaniman]

Dude, you have to have someone who wants what you want, and is willing to work with you to get it. Your going down one path, and your partners are on another. That never works.

Your plans look good on paper, but are unrealistic. Its like buying a car and not knowing how to drive, you make mistakes, and tear the car up before you get the skills to make it go smoothly, to where you want it.

I think you should slowdown with relationships for a while, and just have fun making friends, and dating. You need those social skills, so you know how to pick the right partner, and not think you can make one from just any body.

[AKeagle]

You can't ignore a person while you're busy planning for the future and expect them to be there when you're ready to deal with them.

I understand that, I don't not believe I ignored her, but I didn't spend every waking second focusing on her