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paxe · Jun 17, 2009, 06:26 PM

Originally Posted by AKeagle

She admitted to kissing him, and no she hasn't tried to contact me yet, but it has only been 6 days. She has found new housing somewhere than with her family, renting a room somewhere near her work

Yea, most probably she is going to contact you. Just to warn you, DO NOT LET HER STRING YOU ALONG. It is super important that you keep your head and be cold and brief with her. You need a lot of time alone after 4 years and a half, you need at least 1 to 2 month. Now I am not saying there is no chance, but most likely it will never work. It may look hard from my part but take care of yourself and everyday that passes you will feel better.

AKeagle · Jun 17, 2009, 06:31 PM

Everyday I feels better. Why does the kiss make you think she will contact me? If she contacted me, my thing would be that she contacted me for a reason, so I wouldn't do a lot of talking. That's smart right?

paxe · Jun 17, 2009, 06:38 PM

Well not really. See you are still hanging in the thought of her contacting you. As per experience, ex will most likely call to see how you doing ( this is to see if they still have the upper hand ) and it depends on the person, it can be days or month. The kiss itself will not make her contact you, it's just the whole process of breaking up that will make her contact you. And basically she will just leave the question hanging like: "how have you been", "what are you doing lately?". So if she calls, tell her you're doing fine and that you have a date or somewhere to go to and close the phone as fast as you can. You'll be proud of yourself after a while ( man pride :) )

Homegirl 50 · Jun 17, 2009, 06:51 PM

I think if she contacts you it will be just to see how you are. I don't think there will be any other motive.
She is gone. You need to accept that.
But if it will make you feel better to think she is a conniving person, do that, but you will be doing that only for your benefit and it would not be fair to her.
Take the high road, be the adult you are and move on.

AKeagle · Jun 18, 2009, 10:11 AM

Serious question, what does a girl mean when they say,

"I love you more than anything, but I'm not in love with you"

kctiger · Jun 18, 2009, 10:13 AM

They like you as a friend, not as a lover... pretty much what it means is BYE!

Romantic feelings are gone... game over.

Romefalls19 · Jun 18, 2009, 10:14 AM

It means, I think of you as my favorite lamp, but I will never sleep with you

AKeagle · Jun 18, 2009, 10:15 AM

Idk about, but I don't love any of my friends. There good friends, and I'm there if they need something, but I wouldn't say I love them

kctiger · Jun 18, 2009, 10:16 AM

Why did you ask for advice, and when you get an answer, you rebut it? Look, you are nothing more than a person she cares deeply for... once she finds another boyfriend, your a$$ is in the garbage can... truth my friend! I love all my friends like family, for the record.

It is basically a nice way of saying I am not attracted to you anymore...

AKeagle · Jun 18, 2009, 10:20 AM

I think I'm already there, her caring for me deeply is great, but not needed. I made it without her before her and have always been an independent person. I always try to help my friends, but I never expect them to help me. (this is a little different, cause she has been there for so long) for some of the things I was going through with my family and in my own life, I wouldn't go to her, never wanted her to think I had any weakness, but I don't think I ever completely trusted her(really bad)

Homegirl 50 · Jun 18, 2009, 10:25 AM

Originally Posted by AKeagle

serious question, what does a girl mean when they say,

"I love you more than anything, but I'm not in love with you"

It means I love you are person, but not as a mate. I'm not in love with you as a woman would be in love with a man she is with.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 18, 2009, 10:32 AM

I dated a guy all through H S we grew up together. When I was 19 I met my husband. I knew I wanted to be with him, it made we realize that what I felt for the guy I dated was comfort and love and friendship, but what I felt the passion I felt for the man who is my husband. I broke up with him because I knew he was not "the one" for me. That was 36 years ago.

AKeagle · Jun 18, 2009, 11:05 AM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

I dated a guy all through H S we grew up together. When I was 19 I met my husband. I knew I wanted to be with him, it made we realize that what I felt for the guy I dated was comfort and love and friendship, but what I felt the passion I felt for the man who is my husband. I broke up with him because I knew he was not "the one" for me. That was 36 years ago.

Ok, but when a girl is re one tar brings up the marriage talk, would that mean she knows "he is the one"?

Homegirl 50 · Jun 18, 2009, 11:15 AM

We talked about marriage too. I did love him.
It was not until I met my husband that I knew I loved him as a friend, I was comfortable with him, he was my best friend, but there was no spark, no passion.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 18, 2009, 11:17 AM

He was heart broken, just like you. He got over it and later married. He has had a happy life.

AKeagle · Jun 18, 2009, 11:28 AM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

We talked about marriage too. I did love him.
It was not until I met my husband that I knew I loved him as a freind, I was comfortable with him, he was my best friend, but there was no spark, no passion.

Girls need to stop give communication with fine print, plain and simple.

I loved her and cared about her deeply, but wasn't ready for marriage at such a young age. I wanted I more stable life(outta college, a career with some job security, and the money to be able to start a life on our own) before I wanted to get married. She just wouldn't wait for that. Sad thing is, that some of my friends and my boss, told me, what are you waiting for, you both love each other, living together, etc. just get married. Part of me says I shouldn't have listened, the other part of me say, wow did I dodge that bullet. She might have done this same thing after we were married, then what? I have never been one to run back home when something goes wrong, I'm stubborn in that way. She is the complete opposite, difference was, that I was the one that she ran to when something went wrong, or I was there to always protect her from bad situations, with her friends or family, or money.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 18, 2009, 11:38 AM

She was not playing with you, this was not miscommunication. She is young, you both are very young. Marriage was what she thought she wanted as did I. She realized she did not want to be with you and left. Who knows later you may have realized the same thing.
It is what it is. This happens all of the time with young love. You grow out of each other. You realize you don't have the kind of love for each other to marry. Maybe she was too dependent on you and realized it was not good. And maybe you thought she owed you something because you were always there, maybe it made you feel good, maybe like you were a little better than her.
Don't blame her, just realize it's over and move on. Maybe you both were dependent on each other for different things and it is time to grow up.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 18, 2009, 11:40 AM

I don't think marriage is the reason she left. I think she realized that she did not love you that way. She grew out of you. It happens.
You may have been wonderful, a wonderful catch, but you are not the one for her.

AKeagle · Jun 18, 2009, 11:46 AM

Originally Posted by Homegirl 50

She was not playing with you, this was not miscommunication. She is young, you both are very young. Marriage was what she thought she wanted as did I. She realized she did not want to be with you and left. Who knows later you may have realized the same thing.
It is what it is. This happens all of the time with young love. You grow out of each other. You realize you don't have the kind of love for each other to marry. Maybe she was too dependant on you and realized it was not good. And maybe you thought she owed you something because you were always there, maybe it made you feel good, maybe like you were a little better than her.
Don't blame her, just realize it's over and move on. Maybe you both were dependant on each other for different things and it is time to grow up.

I would say that marriage is what she wanted, when you ask someone if you proposed to them 6 months ago, would it have worked out, and they say yes. (who knows could have done this and the same thing would have happened.) all she ever said, was that we weren't going any where with our relationship, though I laid out what my plans every time the conversation was brought up, and she would never give what her plans were. I never expect other people to help me out with my situations, I always think I can handle everything, but if it get to out of hand, I will go to someone. Like the time I almost died from my lunge collapsing, I needed someone there, and she was no matter what.

Homegirl 50 · Jun 18, 2009, 12:11 PM

I didn't say marriage wasn't what she wanted. I don't think it was the full reason she left. I think she was not feeling the same about you.
I think you both needed each other for that time in your lives.
You can place all the blame on her if it makes you feel better, but I'm sure you were not probably Mr perfect either.
The relationship is over, it has run it's course. Be angry if you must, but you need to lose it so you can move on.