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JTS31708 · May 26, 2009, 09:46 PM

Update:

Ok its been about 2 weeks and 3 days NC with my ex and it feels good! I have actually just ran into an old friend who I haven't seen for 7 years and we actually started to talk. Right away we got a good connection and I guess taking it slow. I am very attracted towards her and I don't think about my ex at all only that once in a while she will pop up in my head and it makes me want to see what she is doing. The last thing I saw about her was that I guess a guy or someone is playing games with her and she feels like she doesn't know what to do and is upset or something. Bad for her doesn't bother me she is the one who got herself in that situation. Im going to take it slow and not rush into a relationship right away but ill keep updating on what happens!

Thanks to everyone!

YeloDasy · May 27, 2009, 07:32 AM

Good luck to you!

none12345 · May 27, 2009, 02:17 PM

Originally Posted by JTS31708

Update:

Ok its been about 2 weeks and 3 days NC with my ex and it feels good! I have actually just ran into an old friend who i havent seen for 7 years and we actually started to talk. Right away we got a good connection and i guess taking it slow. I am very attracted towards her and I dont think about my ex at all only that once in a while she will pop up in my head and it makes me want to see what she is doing. The last thing i saw about her was that i guess a guy or someone is playing games with her and she feels like she doesnt know what to do and is upset or something. Bad for her doesnt bother me she is the one who got herself in that situation. Im going to take it slow and not rush into a relationship right away but ill keep updating on what happens!

Thanks to everyone!

I can say you still think about your ex. Reason? You remember exactly how many days you have been in NC. Just becareful with a new relationship when the break up is still fresh.

JTS31708 · May 28, 2009, 09:05 AM

:Update
So my ex texted me after almost 3 weeks I STILL HAVE NOT CONTACTED HER BACK.. and she says how come I'm just ignoring her. She said "This all sucks I hate having you not wanting to know about me, like we said we would be friends when we talked in the begining of our relationship but what happened?" I thought to myself well you let go of our relationship and you made it be like this. Then I get another text from not responding back saying "She said she didnt give up on me she said that the reason she didnt want to work things out is because she hurt me before and didnt want to hurt me again in the long run saying it might not work out. Last message i received was "I hate myself for doing that to you, I can't stand us not speaking to each other!"

So after all of that to honestly say I don't feel bad she caused this all by herself, I no I have been doing NC but should I just respond back to her once saying It's either we are all or nothing?

Because either way is fine with me

Thanks

talaniman · May 28, 2009, 09:15 AM

I no I have been doing NC but should I just respond back to her once saying It's either we are all or nothing?

I would not respond, why? Nothing has changed, and she is just now realizing she no longer commands the top place in your life. That's good! Leave it be, and continue your healing.

It's either we are all or nothing?
Because either way is fine with me

Ultimatums never work, and they are the tool of a desperate mind. If indeed you do not care what her choice would be, then thats reason enough to leave her alone, and stay with NC, as why bring back confusion, and drama, when you don't have to, nor care?

JTS31708 · May 28, 2009, 09:40 AM

That's a good point...

none12345 · May 28, 2009, 02:08 PM

Don't want to bash you or anything but I thought you said, you were over her now. Doesn't really seem like it. Its not a bad thing if you're still not, its just you got to accept that and take a step forward to some positive change instead of going against your feelings.

You act like you are over her but you aren't, it's a good time to think about this and see what steps you can take to get over her instead of being in denial and start seeing other girls and stuff. I hope this is some good advice for you and again I don't mean to sound harsh or anything just seeing it for how it is and I've been through this myself.

Just saying to heal completely you will need to embrace the feelings of hurt you might still have instead of telling you how your feelings should feel.

Romefalls19 · May 28, 2009, 02:10 PM

Delete the messages and move on. She is just trying to reel you back in, I know you don't want to spend the summer in this limbo.

Girls in bikinis

And I'm out

kctiger · May 28, 2009, 02:11 PM

Originally Posted by Romefalls19

Delete the messages and move on. She is just trying to reel you back in, I know you don't want to spend the summer in this limbo.

Girls in bikinis

And I'm out

Indeed... :cool:

JTS31708 · Jun 7, 2009, 03:17 PM

Last night I spent the night at this girl's house the one I met, and after staying the night I realized that I started to miss my ex again for some reason like I felt like I should be with her. Part of me wants to contact her, and the other part thinks I should hold out and see what happens. Im confused what to do...

totallylost07 · Jun 7, 2009, 03:21 PM

I had that feeling too when I was with someone else.. but I would say stick to the NC. I broke NC and went to my ex and it didn't work out well.

JTS31708 · Jun 7, 2009, 09:32 PM

Yea... I'm going to keep sticking to NC its just for some reason any girl I talk to or anything I do reminds me of my ex... It just came to me hard today and I can't seem to get her out of my head. I know if its meant to be it will happen, but I guess I just keep letting myself down thinking about it...

totallylost07 · Jun 8, 2009, 01:18 AM

Its because you still have an attachment to her. I think about my ex all the time. I was romantically with another girl but all I thought about was my ex. BUT (this is what I am/been telling myself) stay strong, because once you break and go back... you're going to start over again.

Like what everyone else says on this board since day one. It is going to take time.

JTS31708 · Jun 8, 2009, 09:09 PM

Update: I still feel the same about her, I've started to get into basketball which I have played for a long time but stopped. Starting to go to the gym more and going out with friends plus work. But deep down inside I want her back I know she will text me again as she always has before, but I really want to try things again, one of the main reasons she didn't want to get back is that she is afraid of hurting me again if we do get back, and that she though that I wanted to get back with her just to hurt her on purpose. What kind of S**t is that? I really feel like buying the book "Magic of making up" and see how it is that's how I feel now =[

I just can't get her out of my head, I know it will take time but I really and truly want to be with her again one of these days...

cozyk · Jun 8, 2009, 10:06 PM

Go for it. It may work out this time. On the other hand, it could fail miserably and your pain factor will be back to square one. Is this a risk you are willing to take.

This was over 30 yrs ago that I had a boyfriend I was nuts about. Basically, he dumped me in April. I bidded my time. We had total nc UNTIL his b'day came around in June. I sent him a card, knowing that he would call me , thank me, want to see me again, and that we would get back together. It all happened just as I had planned EXCEPT he eventually dumped me again. Back to square one.

Here is the real interesting part. I was dating other people after the break up. Kind of had a "don't care " attitude. Well, one of my dates eventually became my husband. Oh yeah, the guy that dumped me was all upset when I was engaged and he even called my house on my wedding day and told my sister to wish me well. I don't know where he is today, but my husband and I have been married almost 29 years.

JTS31708 · Jun 8, 2009, 10:18 PM

Wow that's good! I really want to try things again she just has a mind set on pretending she is happy and starting to hang out with people she shouldn't be hanging out with. Every 2 weeks she will text me trying to talk but we end up arguing because she wants to be friends but I told her it just can not work out and she gets mad. Then we wait another 2 weeks and the same thing happens I just want her to realize that we were perfect for each other she knows we were she just was confused at the time... =[ I really miss her a lot and want us to be together as one and make our love grow stronger but until then I don't know what to do and I have to wait...

JTS31708 · Jun 8, 2009, 10:21 PM

Like for me right now there is no other option besides getting back with her and fighting as hard as I can for her. I don't really think I can get hurt again I don't think anything will top when she broke up with me, it doesn't hurt me anymore I just want to try things out and see if it will work again and if it doesn't then I know its not meant to be. I just want another chance its just she doesn't realize it yet she knows she messed up she told me but she is scared and doesn't know how it will work out again but we can't ever do that unless she is willing to try.. Thats why I'm so down I feel like ordering that book I think it would be my only hope =[

cozyk · Jun 8, 2009, 10:50 PM

SOMETHING is going on. I am not sure how to define it but I do get this much.

1. You love her, but that love is amplified because you don't have her. It is amplified to the degree of desperation. That is why you can't move forward.

2. She sounds very immature. She doesn't know her own heart and doesn't know her own head. All this "I'm scared" or "I'm confused" is just little girl dramatics. I caught on to that a long time ago. She should take the time to stop the histrionics and be in solitude and listen to her inner most feelings. She reminds me of the swimmer that is all panic-ey and flailing around and causing herself to drown instead of just floating on her back until she can get control.

3. She wants you to pine after her because it feeds her ego. When she thinks you aren't, she re-enters the scene just to stir the pot.

4. AIM, text message. etc. makes that so easy to do contact these days. And Facebook? Forget it. The perfect place to script your oh so busy social life. She knows you are "following her" and she is playing with your feelings, ON PURPOSE,

5. For your sake, I hope she does a lot more maturing before or if you two get back together. I have a son that will be 19 next month. If I knew of a girl was jerking his heart around like this girl, just to boost her ego, I don't know what I'd do; I just know it wouldn't be pretty.

6. You ever thought of this outcome? You may get back with her, see that SHE is not what you had in mind, and dump her butt. There are all kinds of possibilities and scenerios as to how this plays out.

7. Just go in with your eyes wide open, know the risks, factor in her need for drama and assurance, set your boundaries. And tell her what your boundaries are right up front and she can do the same. By that I mean, don't allow her to play her little games with you. Command, NOT demand a certain amount of respect, reason, and real and honest communication.

JTS31708 · Jun 8, 2009, 10:59 PM

That sounds good I want to try again one of these days but she really needs to grow up and think about what she had and stop thinking about being scared and all that. One time she was like I don't know what I want then she was like can we be friends, then after she gets mad because we can't be. I think I'm going to buy the book since I have nothing but time and see how it works out

Thank you so much for the advice. I wish she could see what you wrote lol

cozyk · Jun 8, 2009, 11:18 PM

I don't know what she is so scared about. Do you mind me asking how old each of you is. If she thinks she can get through her life with guarantees of not being hurt or scared, then she really has a lot to learn. If you can't just be her friend then say...

I don't want to be "your friend". At least not now or anytime soon.
It doesn't work for me. It's either all or nothing.

These are your boundaries I was talking about. Say, if you want to be in my life, this is what I can do. We either get back together or have total nc. Tell her that IF she contacts you, that you will not respond.

The only time she will hear from you is IF, she tells you that she is ready to get back together OR you come to a place in your life where you are not so raw with emotion. When you have a peace within yourself that you are ready to have her as just a friend. Either way, you have set your parameters for what you are willing to do and she knows where you stand.