Hey me and my girlfriend have been going out for just about a year and we love each other very much! Just yesterday she told me that I have become lazy and unexciting... and that she wants a break to have fun and go out with her friends. I used to take her out all the time anywhere she wanted to go we went. Anytime she needed me I was there for her! We would watch movies at our houses together, and we used to go out all the time but now I currently am trying to get a job and its hard to find one because no one is hiring. So since I haven't had a job going out to places has been a little limited now. It hurts so much inside I have no idea why she would do this! She said she still loves me and is not with another guy. She said maybe in a coupe of weeks we can meet up or something. This whole situation is driving me crazy I want to text her and want to get her back now but every one keeps telling me to leave it alone and let her come back to me. All of her boyfriends before me have treated her like or used her, and I am the only one who has ever been so nice so caring and always there for her and she calls me her everything! I just don't see why this happened!?

Anyone have any ideas what I should do or say? Please help! I don't want to lose her!

Thanks!

Her feelings have changed, and you do need to leave her alone, and focus on getting a job, so you can build your own life.

Sometimes we just don't click any more, and no matter how good you were, you'll be even better with the next one.

She said she still wants to talk and still loves me and maybe we can meet up in a couple weeks

You have got to be kidding! Don't you know that any contact will give you false hope, and drive you crazy??

Read some of the things the guys and girls here have gone through, trying to keep someone in your life who has dumped you, before you were ready to move on.

Being in the friend zone, and available to her when she wants you, sounds good on paper, but it's a miserable experience.

Do you really think her mind will change, and you'll live happily ever after??

She texted me today saying that... "I know I let you down in a way.. but you will always be someone very special to me. So I wrote back because I am truly in love with her and she said we might get together on valentines day for dinner. I really want to show her the better me and prove to her that I love her so much and want this to last!

OK. Hold the phone here. She is feeding you the BS break-up special.

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I know I let you down in a way.. but you will always be someone very special to me.

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Ding, Ding, Ding, this relationship is over. Sorry bud, it is best to stop holding on to this and time to start the healing process.

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she said we might get together on valentines day for dinner.

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Why so you can pay for her meal, while she feeds you every line in the book, building this fantasy of false hope of reconciliation in your head?

No way man! No Valentine's day dinner. You are broke-up. Break-ups don't include dinner, drinks, and dancing. Break-ups include something called the NC rule. A rule that you should implement right now. Trust me, and everyone that replies after me, you will be WAY better off if you just drop it and start attempting to move on now. The more you hang around the more you end up in the barren land known as the Friends Zone.

You may think that your relationship is the exception, but if you read around, you'll find it's not.

Time to let go. Time to reconnect with friends. Time to start building your life back up, without her. It's time to move on.

Sorry for the harsh sounding answer... but the earlier you realize what's going on the better off you will be.

This is still very fresh to you. Soon you'll (hopefully) come to realize that loving someone and being in love with them, while both perfectly honest answers, mean very different things. You love your family and close friends right? You wouldn't want to be romantically involved with them, though.

You're going to have some hard weeks ahead, but it'll get better. Before you contact her out of weakness, come here and vent and then don't do it. Only she can make that choice, and there's nothing you can do to change it except stand back.

Everyone on here is right, read people's posts and stories on here about their "breaks" and you will see they are like yours. She does love you, you always will love someone you loved before just less than before and not in a romantic way but she needs to go out and live her life and she chose without you. Now you need to do the same, go NC with her and rebuild your own life without her.

I will bet you that if you end up going to dinner on Valentine's Day you will follow it up with a post on the forum about what does this mean, or what does that mean. You are going to end up worse than what you are now.

I know all of you on here are trying to give me the best advice and trying to help me and I appreciate it but I cannot go NC with my ex I have to get back together with her!! Especially if its easy to fix! I can't just take her out of my life and I need to do this so I'm going to her house at 2am in the morning I told her dad that I was going to come and be there to talk to her and give her this $57 teddy bear I bought her which is half the size of me! I can't let something so stupid end like this I have to get her back no matter what! NC doesn't always help everyone's situation especially mine but thanks for the advice anyway!

Ill keep you all posted what happens on Monday

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Originally Posted by JTS31708

I know all of you on here are tryin to give me the best advice and tryin to help me and i appreciate it but i cannot go NC with my ex i have to get back together with her!!! Especially if its easy to fix! I can't just take her out of my life and i need to do this so im going to her house at 2am in the morning i told her dad that i was going to come and be there to talk to her and give her this $57 teddy bear i bought her which is half the size of me! I can't let something so stupid end like this i have to get her back no matter what! NC doesnt always help everyones situation especially mine but thanks for the advice anyways!

ill keep you all posted what happens on monday

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You don't need to keep me posted.. I know what will happen.

Ahem..

This is how you are feeling.
Oh my god there is hope she loves me. There is still a chance I mean look she is sending me text and she did say sorry!. so there is a chance!

This is what she is thinking.

Uff I feel guilty I know what will make me feel better. Ill tell him I'm sorry and etc etc and maybe fill him with a bit of false hope.


You say NC does not work all the time.. Trust me kid. Its much better than filling your head with false hope
Begging. And trying to buy back love

Have some self respect
And just leave her alone.

Or if not and you are so willing on doing this.
What's the point of even coming on here. If your not going to listen.
You will be back here trust me.

And we are not going to be as forgiving. As we were.
Because if you burn yourself once. Yeah it's a shame
You do it twice, and you know your doing it. You a... well will leave it like that.

Enjoy the let down kid ;)
Your in for some more pain.

This forum is for help on someone's situation whether it be breaking up, getting back together, trying to forget about them, and so on. I know you all try to help with by saying just move on and everything will be better but that's not how everyone feels.. not everyone in the world is just going to give up on someone they once loved or still do! It helps some people with going no contact but not everyone keep that in mind.

Don't you dare speak to me about how its hard for you.
You think it was easy for us? For me?

Everyone on here. Has been really hurt or has had a relationship gone bad in someway

Now did we go. Oh OK thanks for the memories yeah ill see you later.

No we did not. We broke down. We felt bad. We wanted them back.
This is all normal feelings.

But the thing that makes us different, is.. I was willing to listen to other people
I had the sens that. My own feelings was clouding the way I thought.
Yeah it was hard as hell.

But everyone speaking to you. Has been where you are today.
You may think you're the only one. And know one knows your pain
Or the love you guys felt between each other.
I'm sorry. But that's b.s

We have ALL been there done that, brought the T-shirt and even washed it.

Trust me if I could see a chance that you guys could make this work. I would say look you can probable make this work here it goes.

But she has said that you are no fun. And she wants to go out have fun.
Now I could go on. For the many reasons this is a no come back zone.
But ill put it in these words for you..

She is bored. Simple as that. Now this is not your fault. It happens as everyone has said people grow apart

You think we wanted to go N.C? No we didn't. We all had that thought in our heads. Maybe the what ifs.
But after months and months of being strang along and learning the hard way. Yeah we kick ourselves. And think oh geee if I would have just not brought her that big teddy bar

Because you see in the end... you don't win her back. You just end up hating yourself. For acting like a love sick puppy.
And you will shake your head and go wow, did I really do that.

You may think this sounds harsh. And I know these words won't effect your actions
As I'm sure your going to run off and go all MOVIE on her. Flowers nice words gifts.

As I said that does not work.

Do what you must. We all have to learn one way or the other
We are just trying to save you some pain.

But as I said in my last message
If you want to go down the hard road. Then be my guest.

Come back on here in 3 months. And then tell me. What you think
I can tell you 100% that you will won't even believe what you wrote.


No contact is not for everyone.. yeah No S@@ I personaly love contact. But if it just damages you. Then why do it?

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Originally Posted by JTS31708

I know all of you on here are tryin to give me the best advice and tryin to help me and i appreciate it but i cannot go NC with my ex i have to get back together with her!!! Especially if its easy to fix! I can't just take her out of my life and i need to do this so im going to her house at 2am in the morning i told her dad that i was going to come and be there to talk to her and give her this $57 teddy bear i bought her which is half the size of me! I can't let something so stupid end like this i have to get her back no matter what! NC doesnt always help everyones situation especially mine but thanks for the advice anyways!

ill keep you all posted what happens on monday

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You are setting yourself up for more pain and hurt.No matter what you do , she probably isn't coming back

I can't just take her out of my life and I need to do this so I'm going to her house at 2am in the morning

You don't have a choice her, she doesn't want you to be a part of her life that's why she broke up with you.Move on

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I'm going to her house at 2am in the morning I told her dad that I was going to come and be there to talk to her and give her this $57 teddy bear I bought her

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Wow... if you think this is going to win her back, let me tell you what it really says to her.

This really tells her that she can do anything she wants, walk all over you, and you will keep coming back.

It shows how needy and desperate you are, two things that women hate to see in men. It also shows how insecure you are with yourself, by showing her that you can't live with out her.

This may creep her out or piss her off. She will either be thinking "Whoa, this guy is seriously way too obsessed." OR "Why the f- is he here at 2am. I'm trying to get some sleep so I can go out tomorrow and party with my friends."

You are trying to do what they do in the movies. Wake up!! This is real life not some movie. Things that always work in movies hardly ever work in reality. Hardly anyone wins their love back and rides happily into the sunset. It is all fantasy, and sadly many people confuse this with reality.

As True says, we all learn some how. Some people listen and take the easier way, others like to emotionally beat themselves into submission by going through what your trying to do.

It is going to take you so much longer to move on from this when she really crushes your heart and you finally realize the situation.

Why don't you cash in the $57 teddy and buy a $10 welcome mat and afix it to your head.

Same same but different.

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Originally Posted by JTS31708

This forum is for help on someones situation whether it be breaking up, getting back together, trying to forget about them, and so on. I know you all try to help with by sayin just move on and everything will be better but thats not how everyone feels.. not everyone in the world is just gonna give up on someone they once loved or still do! It helps some people with going no contact but not everyone keep that in mind.

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NC is for EVERYONE the best option. Now you are thinking that your situation is unique and you are the only one in the world suffering this loss. Not true at all. You see only in this site there are thousands.imagine the whole world.its hard for you now and everything seems virtual. Don't pinch yourself. Its not a bad dream. It's the reality and you have to deal with it.dont escape. Stay strong with your NC and you will feel better.

Let me say you an expression that I read in this forum: If you really love someone set him free. If she comes back to you, she is yours.if she doesn't, then she isn't meant to be with you.---so set her free.

Accept this.you don't have any other solutions. You can't get her back trying to find a job or trying to change yourself. Don't believe every word she says. Open your eyes. She is not an angel and she is not perfect.---if there was any way to get her back we would have told it to you. We don't have any interest to lie you. We are here to help.

Sorry to say this but don't be surprised if you find out soon that she has another guy.be a man and deal with it. One day you are going to thank her for what she did.
she will make you stronger.

Love is not a *when I feel like it* kind of thing.It is not * I love you when you can take me out and spend money on me*kind of thing either.
Love means sticking with someone through thick and thin. Bottom line is that if she truly cared for you she would not treat you this way.
Love is unconditional... period.

I did something like this and my ex was turned off by the fact I showed up, it shows desperation, which is unattractive to a girl. Same thing happened with me, I used to take her out all the time and I lost my job. Woman are turned off by men without jobs. If you don't have a job your "worth" is decreased and they don't see value in you. Also I did the same mistake as you did, we spent way too much time together, women like it when men do their own thing. I learned a few things from people here, no contact works, I didn't contact her for 3 days and she was already texting me to see how I am. When you don't give chase they wonder why and most of the time come back.Women hate to be ignored. Im on the same boat as you dude, my girlfriend was smart and gorgeous. They love attention, but if u give them too much suddenly they want space, or want to be alone, or just do something with the girls. Its only whether they realize if they do miss you, that determines if they come back. Time can only tell. And time sucks. Especially if u lost your job.

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Originally Posted by heartbroke

i did something like this and my ex was turned off by the fact i showed up, it shows desperation, which is unattractive to a girl. Same thing happened with me, i used to take her out all the time and i lost my job. Woman are turned off by men without jobs. If you dont have a job your "worth" is decreased and they dont see value in you. also i did the same mistake as you did, we spent way too much time together, women like it when men do their own thing. I learned a few things from people here, no contact works, i didnt contact her for 3 days and she was already texting me to see how i am. When you dont give chase they wonder why and most of the time come back.Women hate to be ignored. Im on the same exact boat as you dude, my girlfriend was smart and gorgeous. They love attention, but if u give them too much suddenly they want space, or want to be alone, or just do something with the girls. its only whether or not they realize if they do miss you, that determines if they come back. time can only tell. And time sucks. Especially if u lost your job.

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That is exactly what I mean! I've been going no contact for a week and she texted me and called once and I only answered one call that's all.. she said we will talk on Tuesday

I had a really good weekend with myfriends after feeling horrible for the past week!. Ive decided I'm just going to go to her house and just tell her how I feel so I can get it all out I'm not going to seem desperate or needy I just want to express the way I feel and let her make a decision I'm not going to beg for her to come back to me I'm going to say if you want to give things a try again I'm here but I'm not going to be waiting around. The main part what gets me is that she gave up on me so fast... I understand this is her first real good relationship! All of her other boyfriends used her and treated her like sh.t! And her other relationships only lasted about a month at max. This was her longest one and her first love which was just about a year long.