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ldanny · Apr 26, 2009, 06:44 PM

I'm in the same boat as you but we are at 6.5 years... she always talked about marriage up to the day before she wanted to break up.

myuz · Apr 26, 2009, 08:04 PM

Hey ldanny, sorry to hear about that man. Really. Nice to know were not alone though hey. How long you two been split? Did she give you the I need time and space?

ldanny · Apr 27, 2009, 12:39 AM

Its been two weeks, she said the time and space thing and I broke almost all the rules in the first week and she told me its over.. so now.. I don't think its going to be anymore.. so pretty sad

lighterrr · Apr 27, 2009, 12:49 AM

Originally Posted by ldanny

its been two weeks, she said the time and space thing and I broke almost all the rules in the first week and she told me its over.. so now.. i dont think its going to be anymore.. so pretty sad

Life goes on so many great and wonderful people to meet, just keep on moving forward:)

myuz · Apr 27, 2009, 12:56 AM

Well u have closure at least ldanny. Mine won't even say its over for good. She said who knows maybe in a month or two she wants to give it another shot. Im not holding my breath though. Who knows if I will even want her back in a month or so. I am working out at the gym hard now. Joined an online dating site. Already got about 4 solid contacts on there. Im taking it slow though. Just friends with these girls for now. I realise I need time to heal.

makapuu · Apr 27, 2009, 02:05 AM

I think your girlfriend had a revelation. You've written it:
She also said she feels like she has just been in a relationship for so long that she needs time to be herself and be independent again.
I would think that when you are in a relationship, you relate who you are to the person you are with. If she says she needs time to be herself, then she must be missing the part of her life that she gave up to be with you.

She wants to not always have to consider someone else all the time.
It seems like your girlfriend is struggling with her identity. She makes it sound as if a relationship with you is a burden on her being independent.

I'm sure it's frustrating for you to be facing this now. If you both showed your true colors from the beginning, maybe this wouldn't be happening now. Dating for 4.5 years is a long time, but it would have been more frustrating if you were married.

mckenzie134 · Apr 27, 2009, 04:11 AM

Myuz;1694682, She said who knows maybe in a month or two she wants to give it another shot.

What she meant by that is if I don't find a decent guy in the next month I will whistle and my old dog will come running back onto the leash, because I know what a sucker he is... don't give her the chance,

myuz · Apr 29, 2009, 10:01 PM

Well I'm moving on not thinking about her as much. Keeping busy, got a date on Saturday night. Im not going to contact her at least not for awhile. I can't help but find myself thinking and hoping she will come to her senses so to speak, and call me up. We broke up on the terms of we will still talk a bit and who knows maybe in a month or two we will try again... I know that isn't the best scenario for moving on... Just so hard to completely let go...

ldanny · Apr 29, 2009, 10:32 PM

You.. I feel u... so told me we still had a chance to get back together... maybe in a month or two.. and she isn't looking for a relationship right now with anyone...

myuz · May 12, 2009, 08:35 PM

So I doidnt contact my ex for like 11 days and then she tried calling me Sunday, I didn't answer. Then she called me this morning(tuesday), I didn't answer so she sent me a text saying hey just wanted to call and say hey and hope your doing good. Si tell her call me now then if you want to talk, so she calls like 15 seconds later.

So we talk nothing to serious we kept it light. The thing is I have been seeing other girls this past few weeks. Now my ex is contacting me but I still love her lots. I asked her if she wanted to hang out this weekend and we would just do something fun. Like go to the casino I said or fro lunch. She says maybe I will see how I feel. I said um OK what do you mean by that. She just said I don't know but ill see how I feel about it this weekend. She's not sure if she's ready to be hang out or be together she said.

Like what's her deal? Sending real mixed signals. Im tempted to tell her I have been seeing other girls but still love you, call me when you figure things out. Like she broke up with me like a month or so ago and doesn't seem to want to let go

Any advice or ideas guys? Like I do think she wants to give us another chance. Im just so confused. I was doing well with no contact then wham she has to call me up and then give me I'm not sure ill see how I feel etc...

myuz · May 12, 2009, 08:37 PM

Not to mention I do think this time broken up has been real good for us. Kind of a breather and to realise what were missing. Just you would think a month and some would be enough to know what you want...

Trying2Cope · May 12, 2009, 09:27 PM

I am so sorry for your break-up... I too have recently going through what you are currently going through! I was in a 4.5 year relatioship was actually engaged and we were living together!
You are focusing on the words.. I love you... being in love... I can't live without you... and trying to make sense of them... you are on a emotional roller coaster! Step back... take it one day at a time... give your EX space! Either it will work itself out or it will be time for you to move on! I know it is hard... you had this person in your life always had something to do with them... now your wondering what the hell am I going to do now! Take this time to get to know yourself a little better! Keep busy! I know we all say this but it is true... Time will tell all! You will get through this... best wishes!

Horth · May 13, 2009, 12:37 AM

ADVICE:

Don't try to throw it in her face that your seeing other girls. And what's this by saying "wham she just calls me up" You said call me now! Is that not reason enough? Dude go NC! If she texts delete it, if she calls ignore it. You can't get over someone that you still have ties with. Break those bonds and it only gets easier...

talaniman · May 13, 2009, 06:36 AM

She's not sure if she's ready to be hang out or be together she said.

Yes she is sure, but keeping you confused keeps you from moving forward, and having a normal life without her. She can't let go, because she doesn't have anything else to go to. You do, and she is making sure you can't enjoy it. Not her fault, its all yours, and that's why you think she sends mixed signals, because you let her. Do the NC, and make her let go, and stop the confusion. Have you not read the experiences of others going through the same things here at this forum? If you did you would know why your confused, and would know that its you who must take the right actions to break this cleanly for your own dignity, and self respect.

myuz · May 13, 2009, 09:42 AM

Is it possible she just truly wanted to call and say hi, and hope I am doing well? Like that's what she said at least. Like if she was moving on and wanted it over for good wouldn't she not call at all?

talaniman · May 13, 2009, 10:01 AM

If you really believed that, you would be tripping over it you would have just let it go.

myuz · May 14, 2009, 09:10 PM

K so she calls me up this morning, she said she would like to see me this weekend. I agreed and I am going to pick her up this weekend. I am going to try my best to show her I've changed and that we should really give it another shot.

I don't even know what she wants still, however I'm pretty sure this is like a test date for her to see if I have changed at all. I don't think it is just hanging out as friends because it has only been a month and I don't see why she would want to hang out as only friends.

We have been broken up over 5 weeks now and have had very minimal contact. So this date in my mind is like a last chance for us, so I'm thinking I should go all out. I feel like it's a last chance for us because I have almost had it with her uncertainty and trying to keep me in limbo so to speak. So if she shows no interest in getting back with me I'm going to tell her I'm moving on I think and that we shouldn't talk until she knows what she wants, and that hopefully I'm still single when she figures it out.

I guess what my question is does anyone think I should attempt anything romantic at this point such as bringing her a flower when I pick her up, or giving her a kiss or holding her hand at some point etc.

marcantony · May 15, 2009, 02:57 AM

Not to be rude man, but I don't think you've really paid attention to what anyone has said to you.

And now your about to put yourself in a world of hurt with her.

Again.

Dare81 · May 15, 2009, 04:18 AM

Originally Posted by myuz

k so she calls me up this morning, she said she would like to see me this weekend. I agreed and I am going to pick her up this weekend. I am going to try my best to show her ive changed and that we should really give it another shot.

I dont even know what she wants still, however im pretty sure this is like a test date for her to see if I have changed at all. I dont think it is just hanging out as friends because it has only been a month and I dont see why she would want to hang out as only friends.

We have been broken up over 5 weeks now and have had very minimal contact. So this date in my mind is like a last chance for us, so im thinking i should go all out. I feel like its a last chance for us because I have almost had it with her uncertainty and trying to keep me in limbo so to speak. So if she shows no interest in getting back with me im going to tell her im moving on i think and that we shouldnt talk until she knows what she wants, and that hopefully im still single when she figures it out.

I guess what my question is does anyone think I should attempt anything romantic at this point such as bringing her a flower when I pick her up, or giving her a kiss or holding her hand at some point etc.

How much can you really change in 5 weeks.You are setting yourself up for more pain.I am sure the date will go okay since both of you will be on your best behaviour, but what's going to happen if you two start a relationship? The problem you two had which caused the breakup are not going to disappear by themselves

myuz · May 17, 2009, 07:27 PM

Well you I have an update. We went out together a few nights ago. It went well and we kept it light. We shared some laughs had a few drinks. I stayed confident( being 190 lbs from gym helps, vs. a 6 weeks ago when we broke up I was 174) , kept my cool, was polite tried to make her laugh. I could tell as the night wore on she was warming up to me more. We didn't get physical however. No kissing only had a few hugs with her. After we were done at the casino I asked her if she wanted to hang out at my place for a little bit, she replied no and that we have had sex way to many times on my bed and that she didn't know if she could control herself. And that she wasn't ready for that yet.

I said OK so I took her home. Then we talked a bit, she said this has been just as hard on her. That she still cries about it every week. She said she picks up her phone all the time and wants to call me but that she can't yet. She said that she is still healing and needs to accept that things are going to be different this time. Told me she was still in love with me. When I said you know like its tough like I want to move on but one side of me thinks your going to come back, she said I think I'm going to come back as well.

I told her more or less that there's other girls interested in me, (which there is, one is this close to breaking up with her boyfriend to be with me, which I've told her not to) but that I want to be with her and she's my #1. She said well if you want to see other girls then go ahead.( which I don't really believe she is OK with one bit)

So after all this talk she says well I will talk to you in a week or something maybe, I said whenever, cause I wasn't really impressed. Then I left. Then the next day she says on a text "i had fun last night just hanging out with you and thanks again for everything"

Its been two days I haven't replied yet, I don't know if I should or not. I'm thinking I should let her wait a bit for a change and maybe not even reply...

I don't know what she wants still , like she wants to be with me clearly, but why won't she yet? What's the point in waiting, she knows I have already made big changes, she said so herself that night.