[luigi1111]

For the past two years my husband has had a woman friend at our child's ball games. She is married and her children play too. She always seems to be talking and flirting with my husband and him with her. I did not go to the park very often and my husband would come home saying the other parents think that he is a single father. He mentions her name more than I want to hear it. When I do go to the games, she is very indifferent towards me. Our relationship has had its ups and downs, but I don't see my husband as a cheater type. LOL My husband went on a camping trip last summer with our child and this woman and her family. My child was on the same team as hers. This year my child has hardly spoken a word to her kids. (they are not on the same team) My husband continues the relationship with her and he and her family are planning another trip this summer but this time I am going. I don't have anything in comon with them. We are years older than them too. I don't feel comfortable with this, but my husband is really looking forward to the trip. I have no proof that there is something going on, but it just does not feel right to me. How can I stop this trip from happening and not making it into a big deal with me being the bad guy?

[Nestorian]

Hmmm, difficult situation.

I suggest talking to your husband, let him know how you feel, be sure to let him know you don't think anything is going on between them but just that it's making you feel uncomfortable. See what he says, and try to work it out. Then maybe he can pick up on the clues that you feel uncomfortable and need him to pay attention to you then so you don't feel akward. You know?

Trust is important, but he has to trust you to tell him when you feel such unsettling feelings. Right?

Peace and kindness be with you.

[Gemini54]

Time to have a long talk with him I'd suggest. Not the blaming, you don't tell me anything sort of talk but one where you genuinely try and find out what his motivations are regarding the friednship, the camping trip (and of course the woman). In any case, if you're uncomfortable and suspicious you need to find out why.

It could just be that she pays him more attention than you do and he enjoys this, or, perhaps they just enjoy the games together. It may pay to be friendlier to the woman and go on the camping trip to set your mind at rest.

[cathyalfred]

Well, in order to clear your conscience and not feel like the bad guy, I think you need to communicate with your husband. Just tell him in a clear and slow manner how you feel inside... the best time is before bed when it is just the two of you alone. And tell him... you know it is healthy to be jealous in a relationship... just be matured about it, do not over react but always let him know your inner feelings... you both will get closer.

[taoplr]

For the past two years my husband has befriended a woman at my child's ball games. Her children were on the same team as mine last year. She is married and lives in our same town. Last year my husband and my child went on a camping trip with her and her family. I did not go. This season her children have not even spoken a word to my child (not on the same team) but the friendship between her and my husband continues. They planned another trip for this summer. I am going too. When I go to the ball field she is very indifferent to me. Does not even say hello. My relationship has had its ups and downs, but I don't see my husband as the cheating type. LOL I don't have any proof that there is something going on but it just does not feel right. I have nothing in common with this family and we are years older than them. I really do not want this trip to happen but my husband is so looking forward to it. How can I stop it and not make it a big deal with me being the bad guy?

You are uncomfortable because neither you nor your child has a relationship with this woman or her family. I presume that you would feel different if there were a four-way friendship among the adults, and I presume that her husband is going on the camping trip.

If you truly don't want the trip to happen at all, you have to be willing to be heard and understood. That could end up making you the bad guy, but that's a risk you have to take.

How you tell your husband is important and you have to tell him. Anger, annoyance, complaining, and even trying to convince him that your discomfort is well founded would be mistakes. This is one of those things that can spark a serious argument, as well as something that can bring you closer together.

If you tell him that you appreciate the fact that he has a friendship with her (what is her husband's participation?) yet you and she have nothing in common, no cordiality, no wifely or motherly chat; there's just his connection. While you are OK with their interactions on the sidelines of ballgames, you have no interest nor desire to spend this time with her and her family, and you feel that it is inappropriate for them to go camping.

That last part is the kicker. He could become upset. If he feels accused, mistrusted, or suspected of wrongdoing, you could really be the bad guy. So, the tone of the whole thing needs to be soft yet determined and very clear. You are asking him to cancel the trip and to put boundaries around his friendship with her, healthy boundaries that protect your marriage and your child.

If he does get upset, pay attention. If his reaction is overblown and out of proportion, ask him what is at stake for him. What is he losing by canceling his trip? By being more appropriate? By respecting your discomfort? If he has more in his mind than is healthy, he might show you by his behavior.

If that occurs, your reaction will determine whether he feels that you are his best friend who understands him and still expects him to uphold the priority your relationship enjoys, or a chain around his neck. Again, it's about being soft yet determined.

Another question is relevant: How does your child feel about this trip? About her and her family? If you are the "odd man out" your best move might be to go on the trip, risk having a really uncomfortable time, maybe be pleasantly surprised and have a good time, make a friend, or protect your marriage.

[chuff]

I'm siding with your husband. From what you write here I see nothing to suggest cheating. To me it seems like if he was, inviting you on this trip and your child on the last one would be the stupidest idea for an affair.

[Dare81]

I would not stop this trip from happening.Talk to your husband about how you feel about this women, maybe he does not know how you feel about her.Make a point to go your kids game, the more she see's of you the more she will back off

[Romefalls19]

I'm not seeing the problem here to be honest, I talk to the coach's wife a lot at my child's tee-ball games. Parents are going to be friendly. If I may ask, why don't you attend your kids games?

[Survivor07]

Have you told your husband your concerns? Ask why this woman's friendship is important to him?

I'm assuming her husband goes along on the camping trips. How does he seem to feel about their relationship?

If you're available to go to the games, then do that more often. You shouldn't have to babysit your husband or this woman, but maybe if you're around them more often you can get a better feel of what's going on.

If you are truly uncomfortable with her and the idea of a trip together, then you need to tell your husband, not in a confrontational manner either. Just start with... "I know you really enjoy her company and I was wondering why and this is how it makes me feel........"

[talaniman]

My husband went on a camping trip last summer with our child and this woman and her family.

Did her husband go on the camping trip? I'm not getting anything wrong going on, other than you being jealous.

I think he likes them both well enough to socialize with them.

[elise456]

I asked this question as luigi1111 but I could not log in to see the replys. So here it is again. For the past two years my husband has been very friendly with a Mom on our kids ball team. He and our child went on a camping trip last summer with her and her family. He wants to go again this year but this time I am going to. I don't have anything in common with her and her family and we are years older than them. When ever I go to the ball field she is very indifferent to me and talks and sits next to my husband. My kid and hers have not gotten together this year do to them being on different teams but my husband continues the friendship with their Mom. I don't have any proof that something is going on, but it just does not feel right. I don't want to go on this trip, but my husband is so looking forward to it. How do I put a stop to it and not have it turn into a big thing and me becoming the bad guy?

[Krazi]

Sounds like you need to go on this trip...
This trip can help you identify any possible relation between your hubby and the other woman.

Best case senerio: nothing going on and if you give it a chance you can make a new friend.

[talaniman]

I'll ask again, does her husband go along too?

[liz28]

You have a problem with their friendship because she is a girl. Boys and girls can be friends without anything happening between them.
Also, your jealous because it almost like she is the other woman. They talk, hang out, plan trips, and the sound of her name gets on your nerves. You don't want to hear her name anymore.

Go on the trip but don't go on it with an attitude towards. Talk to her and get to know, regardless if you want to or not.

Also what did you mean by ". When I do go to the games, she is very indifferent towards me?" What does she do to make you feel uncomfortable and I must ask are you doing the same? It is easy to say the other person did this or that but being that you don't like her maybe she got the same vibe from you and did the same.

[chuff]

Different name, the answer's the same. Quit blaming your husband for asking you to join him on a camping trip, with a woman who's family will be there and trying to pretend there is some sort of affair. Your husband deserves better.

[dincher]

I'm siding with your husband. From what you write here I see nothing to suggest cheating. To me it seems like if he was, inviting you on this trip and your child on the last one would be the stupidest idea for an affair.

Completely wrong wrong wrong.

I had this problem with my husband - he befriended an "older" woman at work - ten years his senior. He would borrow her car, and always talk about her.

Well I hate to break it to you, but since I thought that she was older and that she was more of a mother figure to him, guess what? I let my guard down (in order to be the good guy), and today, she has my husband's child, my husband and I are divorced and I find myself regretting every moment.

I know this is bad news, but I really do feel it needs to be told. There is NO reason why a wife should have to feel brushed aside or why she should have to carry this inside of her. To the person who posted, you really do need to sit down with your husband and talk to him about what's bothering you.


Oh by the way - my ex husband would invite me to go out with her as well to the office christmas party of which I accepted. So an invitation has nothing to do with it

WOMEN, PLEASE TRUST YOUR GUT FEELINGS!!

[dincher]

You have a problem with their friendship because she is a girl. Boys and girls can be friends without anything happening between them.
Also, your jealous because it almost like she is the other woman. They talk, hang out, plan trips, and the sound of her name gets on your nerves. You don't want to hear her name anymore.
.

Wrong wrong wrong - once again.

I really don't believe that "a woman and a boy can be just friends" - what a cock of baloney. There is absolutely NO reason why a married man should have an emotional relationship with a woman other than his wife. Are you kidding? That's what a wife and a husband is for. If he has any needs, then he should address them with his wife, not some other soccer mom.

And that the wife is jealous? Are you kidding, that is HER man, she has every right to feel the way she does.
Take it from me. I loved my husband and gave him all the liberty in the world with his friends - never hassled him and guess what? He winded up cheating. That's how most men are - they look at women and they undress her almost instantly, even if they don't say so. And I'm sure that woman is probably thinking "hmmmm, how would it be if me and him were together".

Anybody who denies that they think about their opposite sex friend as anything other but just a friend is a liar. We all have that - when we make friends with someone of the opposite sex, the thought to date him or her ALWAYS crosses our mind. So lets not kid ourselves.

[Nestorian]

Completely wrong wrong wrong.

I had this problem with my husband - he befriended an "older" woman at work - ten years his senior. He would borrow her car, and always talk about her.

Well I hate to break it to you, but since I thought that she was older and that she was more of a mother figure to him, guess what?? I let my guard down (in order to be the good guy), and today, she has my husband's child, my husband and I are divorced and I find myself regretting every moment.

I know this is bad news, but I really do feel it needs to be told. there is NO reason why a wife should have to feel brushed aside or why she should have to carry this inside of her. To the person who posted, you really do need to sit down with your husband and talk to him about what's bothering you.


Oh by the way - my ex husband would invite me to go out with her as well to teh office christmas party of which I accepted. So an invitation has nothing to do with it

WOMEN, PLEASE TRUST YOUR GUT FEELINGS!!!

No offence, but your situation isn't the same as her's, and her husband is her own, and not yours, and this women is not the women whom your husband "left you for".

By the way, how much do you love yourself? (Yes this does have to do with what the origianl OP asked, as it directly pertains to one's motives, beliefs, morals, goals, and the general out come of this situation.) Sorry I tend to ramble or go "off topic".

Your view on this is valuable, but it seems to be obscured for your distaste for what happened in your life. You seem to need some time to heal as it sounds as though it's still quit fresh and painful to you. Have you forgiven every one? If things do turn out like what you say, then the OP may need to deal with this same issue, and would be wise to be mindful of this possibility and if she could deal with it too.

May peace and kindness be with you.

[chuff]

Completely wrong wrong wrong.

I had this problem with my husband - he befriended an "older" woman at work - ten years his senior. He would borrow her car, and always talk about her.

Well I hate to break it to you, but since I thought that she was older and that she was more of a mother figure to him, guess what?? I let my guard down (in order to be the good guy), and today, she has my husband's child, my husband and I are divorced and I find myself regretting every moment.

I know this is bad news, but I really do feel it needs to be told. there is NO reason why a wife should have to feel brushed aside or why she should have to carry this inside of her. To the person who posted, you really do need to sit down with your husband and talk to him about what's bothering you.


Oh by the way - my ex husband would invite me to go out with her as well to teh office christmas party of which I accepted. So an invitation has nothing to do with it

WOMEN, PLEASE TRUST YOUR GUT FEELINGS!!!

The original post wasn't directed at what happened in your past. The original post was from a woman who clearly doesn't like another woman because she is nice to her husband and doesn't like her. From what she wrote, there is nothing to suggest anything going on. Not one thing. Furthermore, I pointed out, quite correctly, that it would be stupid to have an affair with a woman on a camping trip in which she brought her family, and he brought his child. On top of that, this year's camping trip will not only include her family (again) but this time she is coming along. Somehow, you call being invited as being brushed aside. Now, I'm pretty sure if you were going to cheat on your wife with a woman who is going to cheat on her husband, then you would not bring them along. I'll say it again, there is nothing to suggest he has done anything wrong, and in fact the evidence from her posts shows that he has tried to include her, not the opposite.

[chuff]

wrong wrong wrong - once again.

I really don't believe that "a woman and a boy can be just friends" - what a cock of baloney. There is absolutely NO reason why a married man should have an emotional relationship with a woman other than his wife. Are you kidding?? That's what a wife and a husband is for. If he has any needs, then he should address them with his wife, not some other soccer mom.

And that the wife is jealous?? Are you kidding, that is HER man, she has every right to feel the way she does.
Take it from me. I loved my husband and gave him all the liberty in the world with his friends - never hassled him and guess what?? He winded up cheating. That's how most men are - they look at women and they undress her almost instantly, even if they don't say so. And I'm sure that woman is probably thinking "hmmmm, how would it be if me and him were together".

Anybody who denies that they think about their opposite sex friend as anything other but just a friend is a liar. We all have that - when we make friends with someone of the opposite sex, the thought to date him or her ALWAYS crosses our mind. So lets not kid ourselves.

This is quite something right here. I'm not sure if I should tear it apart or feel sorry for her.

As a man I will say if this is the attitude you husband faced, it might explain some things.