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BlackVY · Feb 9, 2009, 05:22 PM

Hi there,

I know this might sound like a stupid question, but

Are there women out there who don't want kids? I'm with a girl who doesn't want to have kids. She is 28 this year and I'm only 25, but I told her sometime in the future I'd like to have kids when I get married, but she doesn't seem to want any.

She told me more about this, like she doesn't get that feeling most girls get when they see babies, but she gets it with animals, like her heart melts and stuff, so is that normal?

I thought most women want kids, but now she feels like she is weird and something is wrong with her, because she doesn't want to have a baby one day.

So I guess what I'm asking is are there any women out there who don't want to have kids, or are there any guys out there who would like to have a child one day, but are with a women who doesn't want any?

neverme · Feb 9, 2009, 06:17 PM

I personally do, but I know friends of mine who don't.

Also I know friends of mine who would be devastated if they found out they could not have kids, I would be upset but it isn't the center of my potential universe.

justcurious55 · Feb 9, 2009, 06:20 PM

Of course there's other women who don't want kids. There's nothing wrong with your girlfriend. Its better that she's being up front and honest about it now rather than later. I would be less concerned with "is she normal?" and more concerned with "is this turning into something serious and can it work?" if you know you want kids and she knows she doesn't, that could lead to some pretty huge problems between the two of you later on.

BlackVY · Feb 9, 2009, 07:13 PM

Hmmm... I see...

Thanks for the responses... basically I'm 25 and she is 28... and she told me once she'd neva have kids after 30... so if we got married or something, I'd have to decide if I wanted kids or not by the time she was 30, which is 2 years away...

This is such a hectic situation in the sense I don't know if I want to have kids one day or not. I'm a 25 year old guy, I shouldn't have to worry about that stuff this early in my life...

I told her its normal for her to not want kids and stuff, and that some women don't, but a lot do.

I'm just lost as to what do I do about this whole situation and about my future...

justcurious55 · Feb 10, 2009, 05:47 PM

I'm curious, how long have you two been together?

BlackVY · Feb 10, 2009, 05:50 PM

Hmmm... we been together for more than 2 years... and are looking to get married soon...

lrwilkins · Feb 10, 2009, 05:59 PM

Having a family is something you both have to decide upon. If one wants kids and the other does not, it won't work. If I were you, I would ask her again just to be sure. If she doesn't and you still get married, then the only you will have kids is to go outside the marriage. I'm sure neither one of you would want that. Try explaining how you feel about kids and why you would want them.

justcurious55 · Feb 10, 2009, 06:09 PM

And maybe ask why she doesn't want kids after 30?

Chameleon24 · Feb 10, 2009, 06:29 PM

I don't want kids. I don't like kids lol. I'm getting a career in travel and can't see myself as a 'settle down with a family' type of person. There's a lot of stuff I want to do. I know it kind of sounds selfish, but that is how I honestly feel.
The others are right. The two of you need to really talk about it and see why you each feel that way. You don't want to pressure her into anything she doesn't want. But you need to look out for your happiness too. Don't go through with it if you know it'll cause problems or make you unhappy later in life.

sierra1977 · Feb 10, 2009, 07:15 PM

I have an Aunt who is 45, for as long as I can remember she said she would NEVER ever have kids. She told my grandma from the time she was a teen she wldnt ever bring a child in to this world as it is. Some people don't want to have their children raised in this world being as bad as it has gotten in the last 20 yrs now.. So yes there are women who don't want to have kids. They all have different reasons for it too.

BlackVY · Feb 10, 2009, 07:38 PM

I see what you are saying...

Basically, she has never wanted kids, ever since she was little, she was always into animals instead. She did look after some friend's kids and even her nephew, and thought they are not too bad to deal with, but she neva thought she'd find the right guy to have kids with, so she forgot all about it.

Now she has me, who she believes is the right guy, and she kind of saw kids in the future at the start of our relationships, but due to our common couple arguments, that feeling went away.

She says she wants to focus on her career and she wants to do things in her life, and doesn't want to be weighed down by kids, and she says its easy for me to want kids because I don't have to take care of them the whole day, while the mother does.

She worries about having kids after 30 because of the health risks, and since she is in health, she knows abput this stuff...

tabslongs89 · Feb 10, 2009, 07:51 PM

I know I'm young, only 19, but I know that I don't want children and neither does the guy that I'm with. Ever since I was about 11 or so I've been saying that I don't want any. So I see nothing wrong with her not wanting any children at all.

justcurious55 · Feb 12, 2009, 07:26 PM

Why would she have to be the main caretaker? I thought men could take care of their children too... haha

BlackVY · Feb 12, 2009, 07:53 PM

Yeah men can, and I would, but she feels like since I work fulltime and stuff, the job of taking care of kids would fall on her... and she'd have to give up her life then...

justcurious55 · Feb 12, 2009, 09:30 PM

OK. Aside from you working full time right now, what other reasons does she have for thinking it would all fall on her? She works too, right? Would you guys still be financially stable if you had kids and you cut your hours to be the main caregiver?

BlackVY · Feb 12, 2009, 09:33 PM

Hmmm well I can't cut my hours, and she works part-time, doesn't have any qualifications and is still kind of studying a little... and even if she does get a full time job, it still wouldn't be enough to be financially stable if I cut my hours... however, if she doesn't work at all, and I work at my current rate, which is not too bad, abuot 9 hours a day, we would be financially stable and still even have savings... lol

justcurious55 · Feb 12, 2009, 09:55 PM

Sooo, it sounds like she does have a very valid point then. If you're working full time how can she NOT become the fulltime caregiver? Even if the children are in child care for a while someone still has to be around when they're not. If you're working 9 hours a day, guess who that responsibility mostly falls to. Until or unless you can figure out a way for you to work less and be with your potential children more and together you can still be financially stable, I don't see any way she wouldn't end up being the main caregiver. Unless you hired a full time nanny or something... but then why even have kids of your own if someone else is raising them, right?

talaniman · Feb 13, 2009, 08:03 AM

You have to respect her ideas as this will affect the rest of your life. You have 2 years to seek a solution that works for you, but its clear she has no desire to be responsible for any children you may want and forcing that on her would be a disaster. The ball is really in your court now as you must answer the question "Can you accept not having kids"?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...al-290355.html

What has happened since this occurred? You have many issues with this female. Reading back through them, she is NOT ready for marriage at this time.