[alana1xxx]

Hi guys,

I really need some advice, I have had the same circle of friends from school as I do today, of course some of these are closer to me then others, one girl in particular she has been through some rough patches in her life as have the rest of us and I seem to be the one she depends on, she will call me at least 5 times a day just to say hi and sometimes this can be annoying but I would never hurt her feelings as she has been in the situation where she has tried to take her own life so I feel I am constantly on edge with her in the last couple of months we have become stronger as a group and have been seeing each other at least 4 nights a week (if not more) I always enjoy my time with them and we do have so much fun the only problem is I have a boyfriend of 4 years and I try to see him as often as I can, this guy is a diamond my best friend on top of it all therefore I tell him everything we have no secrets from each other the girls like him so everything is good right? Wrong! My closet friend put me in an awful situation where she took a lot of tablets drove to my boyfriends house to pick me up and I had to bring her to the hospital now the hole thing was very dramatic for me as my own father committed suicide a few years ago and it scared me the thought of losing her anyway I had to call my mum and she wouldn't let me call hers and my mum was great about the hole thing and in the end convinced my friend that she needed her family so we left the hospital in the early hours when we were sure everything would be OK the next day I confided all this to my boyfriend which she later found out about and freaked out shouting at me down the phone (while I was in work) I can understand that she wanted this kept to herself but I didn't ask to be put in this situation should I not be able to have someone to talk to about this!? Anyway I let all of that go and as I said that was a couple of months ago.

So down to what the prob is now... we as a big group of girls normally go out every weekend with each other but last weekend I didn't go cause I was broke so they went on without me while I stayed at home at 3.30am that morn I get this nasty text from one of the other girls saying "dont you ever talk to me again who do you think you are we all know your full of " now as you can imagine I was sick to my stomach about this I had no idea what the hell this was about and when I tried to call they refused to answer 3 days later and I still don't know what it is about because they will not speak to me they told me they would call to mine last night to sit down and talk but they stood me up I'm feeling rweally down by the hole thing and all I can gather from the hole thing is they were bad mouthing me to my boyfriends friends saying I couldn't be trusted and I was a liar! I'm so upset I can't eat or sleep can anyone give me some advice??

[talaniman]

Your putting way too much into something you know nothing about. They have way too much influence on you, and whatever it is they are not telling you anything. That's not healthy.

Do friends act like this? I don't think so! Sorry, but they are not friends, just people you have known a long time.

You need some real friends, not just acquaintances, or hang out buddies.

[alana1xxx]

Your putting way to much into something you know nothing about. They have way to much influence on you, and whatever it is they are not telling you anything. Thats not healthy.

Do friends act like this?? I don't think so! Sorry, but they are not friends, just people you have known a long time.

You need some real friends, not just acquaintances, or hang out buddies.

Thank you I have never had that kind of opinion before because anyone I talk to would be a mutual friend of both of us and I think they are afraid to give their honest opinion in case it would turn back on them I think I know deep down that this is the time to ove on but where I'm from it's a very small town everyone knows each other and I'm afraid they will spread rumours about me or perhaps even believe rumour's other people would add for the fun of it! And there goes any kind of a social life for me! I'm just so worried and hurt I can't believe they would do this to me and not even have the common courtsey to tell me why! Thank you for your input it helps a lot :)

[I wish]

Don't feel too bad about them. I can see why they might be pissed because you confided in your boyfriend and they probably don't trust him the way they trust you.

I got to agree with talaniman though. They don't sound like the greatest of friends. Like you said, you've known them for so long and you girls hang out all the time. They seem very petty if they're going to treat you this way. They should at least tell you why they are angry with you.

You sound like a really nice girl, willing to put up with a lot. This mind sound bittersweet, but you deserve to have much better friends than that.

[liz28]

With friends like these who need enemies? A true friend will stab you while your looking but a not so true friend stab you in the back.

Leave those circle of so called friends alone and I know it might hurt but they're nothing but sakes.

You don't need a bunch of friends anyway, all you need is one. So get out and friend one and take your time in getting to know her.

[talaniman]

Don't let your fear of what they will do, give them more power over you, than they deserve, which is NONE. Doesn't matter how small the town is.

[alana1xxx]

Guys thank you all so much I feel such a relief hearing all this I have such a fear of rejection I think :( I hate arguing with anyone its just not in my nature I know I can move on I'm nursing a broken heart at the moment! My boyfriend is the only one I can trust its funny just as I was reading your comments he text to say he has sent me one of his smiles to wear for the day I am so lucky in that way I just hope this will all be over soon and I will be OK I'm a worrier :( thank you all again I really appreciate it xx

[alana1xxx]

Oh another mayjor point is I have made plans a few weeks ago with one of the girls from the group to go to crete for the summer and then colege when I come home in September we are supposed to be leaving may 29th until September sometime I have the flights booked and paid for and even handed in my notice at work now I obviously can't go as she is refusing to speak with me I even sent her a message to tell her I wouldn't be going and still nothing I'm really upset because now it feels like she just couldn't care less!

[talaniman]

Can you change your plans, and get your money back? That would be the thing to do.

[alana1xxx]

I can't get a refund on a flight but I don't really care about that side of it it's the leaving my job its too late to take my notice back now so I'm left with no way out of this mess!

[I wish]

Is there a service somewhere that you can sell your ticket to someone else?

I doubt it's too late to take your notice back. Even if you start the job, you can quit anytime for a number of reasons.

Or you can go to Crete, spend a few days there, treat it like a vacation, stay in a hotel, quit the job... and then go back home.

[talaniman]

Or take the boyfriend, and have fun.

[alana1xxx]

I think I will just cancell it and maybe go someother time my boyfriend can't leave his job at the moment so I'm not left with much of a choice! So dissapointed they would do this to me :( its enough to make you go mad I think I'm losing it

[MeMeMoo]

This sounds so horrible.
I agree with some of the others,
The harsh truth is that they aren't at all true friends.
I have had friendship problems latley too...
I had to realise that the girl I called my best friend, the one I thought was everything I needed really just used me when it suited her. She wasn't true to me and I have so much more fun with my best friend that I've had since yr 3. She's a true friend to me. I had to leave my ''perfect'' friend, but in the end its made me so much happier. I haven't had to cry for 2 months !
While it may seem hard..
Some new friends will come, some true friends.

As far as leaving your job, I can't offer any advice I'm sorry, I'm only 13.

Hope something I said was able to help !

Xoxo :):)

[alana1xxx]

Thank you mememoo you are wise beyond your years its nice to know I'm not the only person going through this my heart is so heavy now I hate thinking this hole thing over again and again still with no real answers as to why and I'm not sure if I want to even know at this point will it hurt me even more?

[I wish]

thank you mememoo you are wise beyond your years its nice to know im not the only person going through this my heart is so heavy now I hate thinking this hole thing over again and again still with no real answers as to why and im not sure if I want to even know at this point will it hurt me even more?

Well, the pain might get worse... but eventually it will heal. The best thing to do is to make new friends. It will help you realize that there are much nicer people out there!

[alana1xxx]

Well, the pain might get worse ... but eventually it will heal. The best thing to do is to make new friends. It will help you realize that there are much nicer people out there!

Thank you for your response I am trying to move on now I text the girl today to let her know where I will be tomorrow if she would like to sit down and talk about what's going on but have still not received a reply I think that's all I can do... it breaks my heart to realise I really am going to have to let go its another girl from the groups birthday tonight and still they haven't made an effort to invite me or even try to sort it out before this there really isn't any going back from now I'm not a nasty person but I don't think I can forgive them now at this point they have done so much damage they will never know how much its funny how things work out another couple of girls I used to work with are just back from australia and have text me to meet them for a few drinks its nice to know everyone doesn't hate you... I know hate is a strong word but at this point what else am I supposed to think its so sad to trust everything in one person and hear it all back from different sources (she is telling people anything I have ever said about them in a cruel way not the way it was originally said) she has completley broken my trust and the rest are just following her opinion :(

[I wish]

Yeah, just take it easy on yourself. Think about it, if they can turn on you so easily, they can turn on each other just as easily. I'm guessing you're not in high school anymore. It's just not how it works in the real world. If they don't even have the decency to confront you about this as an adult, then... like someone said earlier, "with friends like these, who needs enemies."

You should have more self-respect than that. You deserve to be treated more fairly than this. Let us know if you need more help!

[alana1xxx]

Thank you you have all made me realise that this is not the end of the world and I will be okay I have battled through a lot more in my young years I am not in high school anymore I'm 21 years old I hope all of this will just fall into place for me I have never felt such relief then when I got it all out of my system here thank you to all of you I will keep ye all posted on how things go xx :)

[alana1xxx]

Hey guys,

A little bit of an update I still haven't heard anything from my so called friends over the weekend but I didn't let that stop me I met up with a couple of my cousins and went out with them I had a ball there was no pressure or yness just plain fun I felt equal instead of my usual following the crowd feeling!. anyway I have decided about my Crete situation I called the travel agency and cancelled it I lost €150 but I still got the rest back which wasn't bad! Plus while I was visiting my granny on Sunday she put the idea of going over to Boston MA to her sister!. she called her and made the arangments so I am heading over the end of May, I was wondering if any of you know about what documents I would need as in green card? visa? I would like to work over there and I don't have any plans to come home for a while as my gran aunt has a job lines up for me in the family pub business.

Thanks so much for yer advice I feel so much better without them like I'm my own person doing my own thing its great! I would apreciate any answers you could give me for the US thing

Thanks :)