[artlady]

Hi Guys,

Thanks again. I think that perhaps he did want to lose himself for a little while because of the tension like Redhed said. I can't say I would blame him. Also what slapshot mentioned too. Perhaps he was aroused, and wanted to have a mental release.

I don't know if I should ask him, or let it go. I don't want to have him feel that I constantly badger him about anything and everything.

A simple question is not badgering.You use *I* messages and that way there is no accusation,it is your feelings,which are valid.Perhaps unwarranted in this case but still worthy of validation.

It need not be a big discussion,just a simple question.

Communication is vital because the lack of it makes for all types of imaginary thoughts and worries.Mostly negative.

[I wish]

All anyone here can do is speculate what his reason was.Maybe he thought that was what you wanted,since you have asked for that previously.

Maybe he needed that demonstration of love to feel better.

Maybe he was just in the mood after all the emotion of the moment and needed something to relax and comfort him and you.

You are over thinking this and the only way to know is to ask.I don't think it will open a can of worms to simply ask a question,particularity if it is bothering you.

He sounds very supportive and I am confidant he would not want you worrying over this.

Have to spread rep.

Like artlady said, I'm just speculating. I would give him the benefit of the doubt this time. If it happens again, then you should definitely bring it up.

[starlite1]

I know what you mean, artlady. I should be able to ask him when something is on my mind. And you are right, I am a big advocat of communication. My problem right now is because my episodes have been more frequent, I don't want him to feel that I am 'beating him up' and frustrating him more with asking a question. I know it is communication, but because of how I have been lately, I don't want to upset him, yet I would like to know his reasoning behind last night; whether he is becoming uncaring and just not giving a sh&^

[I wish]

I know what you mean, artlady. I should be able to ask him when something is on my mind. And you are right, I am a big advocat of communication. My problem right now is because my episodes have been more frequent, I don't want him to feel that I am 'beating him up' and frustrating him more with asking a question. I know it is communication, but because of how I have been lately, I don't want to upset him, yet I would like to know his reasoning behind last night; whether or not he is becoming uncaring and just not giving a sh&^

Is there any treatment. I feel really bad for you. There's got to be something you can do to help.

I know it can be tough, but you got to confront him when you are feeling calm to avoid blowing up a small problem.

[artlady]

I know what you mean, artlady. I should be able to ask him when something is on my mind. And you are right, I am a big advocat of communication. My problem right now is because my episodes have been more frequent, I don't want him to feel that I am 'beating him up' and frustrating him more with asking a question. I know it is communication, but because of how I have been lately, I don't want to upset him, yet I would like to know his reasoning behind last night; whether or not he is becoming uncaring and just not giving a sh&^

If you hold it inside,your imagination will take it to a bad place.Something that could very easily be settled with a quick conversation will grow and grow ,until eventually when you do bring it up because it is bugging you so much,it will have turned into an issue.
And may provoke another episode.
Simple question* I was wondering why you decided to make love last night when before you always said no after one of my episodes*.
It's that simple.

[starlite1]

Hi I wish,

Thank you so much for your concern. You are a sweetie. I am in therapy and on meds so hopefully I will get through all of this and not lose him in the meantime. I have been like this all my life, but just recently I finally found out that it is BPD and there is treatment for it, Thank God.

Thank you, Artlady. I liked the way you worded the question for me too. It sounds softer that way. I was thinking of texting him, because if I call him, I will most likely break down and cry on him, and I don't want to do that while we are both at work, and I want to have a peaceful night with him so I don't want to do it when we are both home.

[artlady]

Hi I wish,

Thank you so much for your concern. You are a sweetie. I am in therapy and on meds so hopefully I will get through all of this and not lose him in the meantime. I have been like this all my life, but just recently I finally found out that it is BPD and there is treatment for it, Thank God.

Thank you, Artlady. I liked the way you worded the question for me too. It sounds softer that way. I was thinking of texting him, because if I call him, I will most likely break down and cry on him, and I don't want to do that while we are both at work, and I want to have a peaceful night with him so I don't want to do it when we are both home.

If this has you on the verge of tears,you must bring it up,once you do you will have your answer and you can put this episode behind you.
He sounds like a very nice guy and supportive as well.I am sure he will understand your confusion.
I am confidant the outcome will be something very simple,*I made love to you because I love you*.

[I wish]

Hi I wish,

Thank you so much for your concern. You are a sweetie. I am in therapy and on meds so hopefully I will get through all of this and not lose him in the meantime. I have been like this all my life, but just recently I finally found out that it is BPD and there is treatment for it, Thank God.

Thank you, Artlady. I liked the way you worded the question for me too. It sounds softer that way. I was thinking of texting him, because if I call him, I will most likely break down and cry on him, and I don't want to do that while we are both at work, and I want to have a peaceful night with him so I don't want to do it when we are both home.

Have to spread rep. Excellent wording Artlady.

I'm really glad to hear that there is treatment. Definitely spend time to take care of yourself first. You don't need to put extra pressure on yourself or on your boyfriend.

I just thought of another idea, but it's up to you if you want to use this idea. Since he seems like a very understanding guy, the next time you are uncomfortable having sex at that moment, then just tell, he would back away.

[talaniman]

As a guy, I wouldn't want to keep rehashing your anxieties, so give him fair warning, so the poor dude will act accordingly, and not freak out.

You know us guys don't get that deep after sex, we just want to nap, and smoke a cigarette.

"Geez, I said I love you, what more do you want? Now be quiet, and let me enjoy the glow of SATISFACTION, AND RELEASE!"

[starlite1]

Actually, maybe I shouldn't even bring it up at all to him. Because, if I do then I will feel guilty about bringing it up, and he may feel put off in the future of having sex with me.

[I wish]

Actually, maybe I shouldn't even bring it up at all to him. Because, if I do then I will feel guilty about bringing it up, and he may feel put off in the future of having sex with me.

That's going to the other extreme.

It's not a huge issue at the moment, so you can hold out. But if it starts bothering you, you should definitely feel comfortable enough to bring it up. After all, he's suppose to be caring and understanding right?

Furthermore, any strong relationship has to have a good communication system going. I would rather my girlfriend bring this up to me than keeping it to herself.

[starlite1]

Hi Tal,

He actually wanted me to shut up last night before we even had sex, because I kept going on and on with my episode. Maybe that is why we had sex because it would shut me up, and give him a break.

[talaniman]

In all fairness to you though, I'm sure he knows to be aware of you venting your feelings, and I think you being aware of doing it the right way, at the right time, is a testament to your recognizing some constraint, on your part.

That's a step in the right direction, of coping with your feelings in a positive way. That's balancing feelings, with thoughts and actions.

Now... about those meds..?

[starlite1]

Thanks Tal,

I actually just spoke with him on the phone and asked him. He said it was because he was in the mood all day, and the reason why we has sex last night was to relieve some of his tension and frustrations. He said of course he still cares, loves me, isn't going anywhere, etc. Then because of my guilt by feeling so badly about how I have been and putting him through hell, and not feeling worthy of him, I started crying over the phone, and again looked for reassurance from him. He kindly, gently said, "Karen go get some water, or coffee, go outside take a break and have a cigarette and calm down and let go of the episode. You need to make yourself feel better. That is what the therapist keeps telling you to do. That is why I suggest that you buy a new dress for Easter. "

The meds that I was on was Prestig (antidepressant) and Abilify (mood stabalizer). Well, the abilify made me gain 20 + lbs (which is detramental, because I have low self esteem to begin with), so the dr. took me off that, and just kept me on the prestiq. That wasn't working, because my episodes started to become a lot more frequent. So just last week he is weaning me off the prestiq and putting me back on prozac (which I took way back when, and seemed to work). So that is where I am at so far with the meds.

[talaniman]

What does your therapists say about exercise, or light weight training??

[starlite1]

Actually, they never even mentioned that. I mean to lose weight sure, but as therapy they never mentioned anything.

[Romefalls19]

Working out is a GREAT way to help yourself confidence, just walking into a gym makes me feel better.

[starlite1]

Thanks Rome, I will have to do something, because I feel so horrible mentally and physically. I really don't want to lose this man. I love him so much. I am such a mess right now, I want to give him a beautiful life, filled with love, instead of this hellish nightmare. He said he is fine, isn't going anywhere, but, I feel so damn ashamed and horrible for what I am doing to him and this relationship. I am such a Fu*&ing mess. I constantly have to get reassurance from him. Even if we have a small disagreement , instead of me being able to let it go, I have to seek his reassurance. It's disgusting. I hate the way I am, I want to be normal so badly.

[liz28]

Exercising can help increase your mood and is overall good for your health. It's good for your mind, body, and soul.When I suffer from depression after my grandma passing it helped me a lot. I would go to the gym all sad and depressed but leave with an uplifted spirit.I know it's isn't easy dealing with your insecurities and you got a good man because most guys would've threw in the towel ages ago. Again you've to relax. When you start to feeling like your going start something with him leave the room to recollect your thoughts.Also, have you tried mediating? That can help too. Maybe yoga? I do this everyday. Are you taking vitamins, if not than maybe you should start. Also, starting a new hobby. I recently joined a swing dance club and I love it. Doing things to keep yourself busy is always a plus.

[talaniman]

But you are normal! We all have our little personal challenges to overcome.

Talk to your therapists about some exercising, to get some balance back in your body.