[talaniman]

Your logic is flawed, do as I say, and talk face, to face.

[Romefalls19]

i dont want her to think im stalking if i did that....if shes ignoring me like that when i call or text, to me that is saying she doesnt want me around.......correct?

No, it could mean, I wish this guy had a set and would come and talk to me in person. Over a text is so impersonal. If my fiancé broke up with me, and then didn't speak with me for 14 days but still texted me, I wouldn't respond either. She has two legs and can get to my place just fine. Cell phones make things far too complicated. Too many times I've had arguments that started over texting because of my "attitude" or "tone" How the fakk do you have a tone over a text! I mean seriously, you read it, it's not said to you!

[luckykid]

Ok so finally spoke with her last night, and these are the things she mentioned:


1). I don't say I love you, or that I miss her often anymore... That she doesn't think I'm attracted to her anymore. That I am selfish (when I asked to explain how, she said at one point I was using her address for my car insurace, and she thought I was selfish because that week I just happened to spin the night over there every night, when usually I spend the night 3 days a week as we do not live together)

2). We always hang around her friends, but not mine... (I've only hung around 2 friends of her and they are in a relationship TOGETHER... she has hung out with 2 of my friends that are also in a relationship... so its been like a couple's hangout)... I'm not comparing tit for tat, or 1 friend for 1 friend. It just happened that way. She wants to be able to vent to my friends just like I do and also was upset because she doesn't even know any of my friends phone numbers

My friends do not like her because they think she treats me bad. Her friends do not like me because they think I treat HER bad... bascially when we argue or get into it, I may vent to my friends... She on the other hand will also vent to her friends, mother, and sister which explains why they are "one-worded" when I'm around. How can you vent to your friends or make me ou to look bad, turn them against me, and then EXPECT ME to want to hang out with them... Her thing is that, my friends only know one side of the story and hasn't had the opportunity to sit down and have a talk with her.

3). She believes I'm more in her life than I am in hers meaning, I always come over to her apartment, but she can never come over to my apartment. Basically I live with my brother, who does not like this girl because of her attitude. Therefore he doesn't want her over. I can't say to my brother "deal with it"... He lives there too...

4). She was upset that I deleted her off Facebook, on the 5th day of her ignoring me, and stated "if you really love someone, you wouldntve done that"... but my response is "why can u ignore me, but care enough to recognize I deleted you.....

5). She feels that she calls me more than I call her. I get off work earlier than she does which is why I dont bother her at work as she works in a fast-paced environment, then she has church thats why a lot of the time I wait for her to call.....

the final question she asked me is this: "So what are you going to do about yourself moving forward... what is going to change? "

At that time, I guess I choked up but I honestly didn't know what to say... so I told her that maybe I just need to work on myself for a while before continuing this relationship... She HUNG UP

I called her back, she answered... but I could not think of the words to say when she asked me that question. Then she said her sleeping pill was making her tired and she needed to go to bed... This was at 1am this morning


Any input I would rather appreciate. Please do not get the assumption that I justify every single action of mine, because that is not always the case. I'm not perfect and neither is she... any criticizm I will accept by you all

[talaniman]

Its obvious she doesn't know your friends don't like her and it's a red flag she wants to be able to vent to your friends.

If you stay together it will take a clear definition of boundaries, that you both agree on, and the truth. She can't be in your life without knowing how the people in your life feel about her.

That's a sticky situation, but keep talking, and giving each other feed back. Face to face, that texting has to go!

[luckykid]

She still has not mentioned the fact she wants to see me. And when I say I miss her, she says things like "why"... and now she calls every now and then to say what's up, or to ask me for a phone number to different places because I know a lot of phone numbers...

Anyway, I'm going NO CONTACT on this one. I feel like a puppet on a string... Saturday morning at like 6am she sent a "?" to me in a text...

I've decided to turn phone off since this Monday and it only goes to voiemail. I will turn it back on this Sunday to check messages that other friends have left but that's it. I'm just tired of the BS so it's a go. NO CONTACT


My reasoning for turning the phone off is so that I can be strong not to call or text, and also so that I wouldn't jump up every time the phone rings to see if its her, like I've been doing./..

Do you agree?

[kctiger]

Change your phone number... thus eliminating all possibility of her getting ahold of you... that's what I did.

[talaniman]

So you are prepared to end this??

[dreamingartist]

If you own a iPhone you can buy an application called "iblacklist" - for jailbroken iphones only. And it can

a) send them directly to voicemail. b) pickup hangup. Or c) create a busy signal.

It also deletes the SMS messages. And it does all this with no notifications (unless you ask for notification, but why bother if you know when someone calls, might as well just ignore them).

This way I don't have to change my phone number and my XGF gets the busy signal. She actually emailed me about the busy signal, so I removed the busy signal and let it go to voicemail straight out, then it auto deletes the voicemail. Same with SMS. So she can think she's leaving a VM but basically my phone is off 100% of the time even though its not for anyone else.

I'd look into it if you have the iPhone, its well worth it.

[kctiger]

Speaking of the IPhone, I heard it has an application that can get your ex back for you... isn't technology wonderful?!

[luckykid]

So you are prepared to end this???

Yes Ialaniman, I am... She only calls me now when she wants something that has nothing to do with us... And the crazy thing about it is she doesn't even call really, she texts...


Hopefully our mutual doesn't go back and tell her but I have a dinner and a date tomorrow night... I just need to take my mind off her and get out and have some fun


Our mutual friend is still on my Facebook and the status was that I have a dinner/movie date tomorrow night... There are quite a few girls that are trying to go to dinner with me, and I'm not using them at all. I am not going to wait on my g/f... Its funny because when we get into like this, she uses our mutual friend to text me saying something like "you know she misses you"... then we make up, etc... I'm not going through this again this happens repeatly

Your question may be, wow you broke up on 3/15/09 and already you have a date? My answer to that is life is too short to be sitting around miserable

Talanmiman, I'm just fed up. I sooo want to cut my phone back on to see if she's called... but I'm being strong and not... Im sure she'll wonder when she sends a "Text" if she hasn't done so already why I haven't replied, and she'll just get the voicemail...

If she is dating someone else, which seems to be the case, because she acts so over it when she calls, then that is not fair to me... I REALLY think she's dating someone already which MAY have started doing the relationship and that she is just calling me to see if I'm still around just in case it doesn't work out with the new person...

Am I jumping the gun here?

[talaniman]

If you have MADE YOUR DECISION, IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT SHE DOES ANY MORE. Only what you want to do means a darn thing!!!

Never forget that!

[luckykid]

Well, I spoke to her yesterday and I am truly confident she won't be bothering me anymore. I COMPLETELY let my hair down last night, and told her how I felt she has been a complete since the beginning of the relationship in 2004 and that it takes 2 hands to clap... Its not ALL about what SHE wants... Its about what I want as well... She called me selfish and I called her that as well... I ended the conversation stating that... "I CAN and WILL find someone who will treat me better than this.."... there is no ned to change my phone number because I have a feeling she won't be calling anymore. Thank goodness!! And I'm sitting around here blaming myself for everything...

And of course she says I'm doing all this to make myself feel better... yeah, WHATever

[luckykid]

Its been a month snice I last seen my ex who I use to be around EVERYDAY(we didn't live together. I know it was good that it ended... Its been 2 weeks since we had a bad text message argument that caused a lot of hurt feelings, bitterness, etc... She basically ignored me for a week and half so I went off on her.

If there is another topic on this site that addresses my situation please post the link


I was with this girl for 4.5 years. I've read that you can get over your ex and your mind off your ex by keeping BUSY. I am a VERY busy person all day most of the day. Even throughout all these busy times, I am not able to get my ex off my mind... I still wonder what she's doing, etc. She has TONS of friends... The problem with her is she can make friends VERY easy... but relationship wise is different with her.

Even though I keep myself occupied and my mind busy, is it still normal to wonder what their up to? I want to call badly or even text but 2 weeks ago, I said I was through... AND I MEANT IT. I have beem living the fun single life with my friends i.e.. Going to bars, clubs, restaurants, movies, etc... but still throughout the midst of this I sometimes get this OVERWHELMING power over me that makes me think about my ex... Any suggestions?

When we broke up 2 years ago, and then got back together, I was in therapy(trying to get over the relationship), but either my therapist was horrible or his approach... It hard for me to even visit my aunt because she stays DIRECTLY across the hall from her in her apartment.

I went on a date last night and had a good time. My ex found out of course because there seems to be some friend out of my 400 friends on Facebook that told her about this, as my status stated that I was out on a movie + dinner date

Back to the busy part, am I still going to get those urges to contact or text even if I keep busy ALL the time... I keep hearing that sooner or later, one or the other is going to call and or text even if its months from now... is that true?

[I wish]

Every break up is fact specific. But you can refer to these no contact rules to help you recover from the break up: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...qs-332732.html

Just keep in mind that if you want to get over her, you got to stick with the rules. Every time you contact her, you are going to prolong the pain and restart much of the progress that you made.

[kctiger]

Word of advice: If you are going to have Facebook, don't post things like "Going on a date tonight" as your status... I am not sure what the point of doing that was, other than to let everyone know.

Just stay busy and keep living your life. In time, your emotions will simmer down.

[artlady]

back to the busy part, am I still going to get those urges to contact or text even if I keep busy ALL the time... I keep hearing that sooner or later, one or the other is going to call and or text even if its months from now... is that true?

I think young people tend to do that more often than people who are a little older and wiser.
I think it is because young people break up over less important things.Silly arguments and petty things that are not real deal breakers but seem like it at the time.
Bottom line,if you do remake contact,it usually ends in some mixed messages and more confusion.It sort of negates the whole no contact tool which is intended to help you heal and get over someone.

[talaniman]

Since you probably don't have a lot of past experience to fall back on, its so hard to know what to do after a break up, so yes, you will be having all kinds of thoughts of her, until you replace those thoughts with new ones, and get over the past, and embrace the new opportunities, and options, that are available for you.

You will have to cope with your feelings until then, and thats a life lesson we all have to learn.

[luckykid]

Thank you everyone,

Ive been trying to keep myself busy ALL day and taking sleeping meds at night... I also cut my phone off during the week so I won't be tempted to call her or have the HOPE that maybe she will call me... So I just leave the voicemail on, and phone turned off... Other people who need to reach me just email me or send me an email... I usually turn my phone on on Friday nights through Sunday, and then cut the phone back off Sunday night...


Crazu huh? The things love can do to you

[I wish]

Do whatever you got to go, as long as you stick with the no contact rules... until you recover... lol... maybe just let your closes friends know that you turned your phone off so they don't think you disappeared?

Good luck buddy!

[luckykid]

Do whatever you gotta go, as long as you stick with the no contact rules... until you recover... lol... maybe just let your closes friends know that you turned your phone off so they don't think you disappeared?

Good luck buddy!

Thank you I wish