[none12345]

Update~
Hey thanks for posting. Today when I woke up out of no where I decided how stupid I have been. Everyone on here was completely right. They were always here giving me the same advice over and over again even after how stubborn I have been. I would just like to thank you all for being here for me.

Today out of no where I decided that its time for me to move on no matter how hard it is and even if she wants me back right now, I won't her back anymore. I learned a valuable lesson in this experience, never give everything you have to someone because you never know if they ll have a change of heart and take everything away from you. I gave her valuable time with my family, my best friends, spent so much money on her, dreamed my future with her and have everything planned out and now its all gone. My family and friends are still here for me, they have always been no matter how bad I've treated them. I feel so stupid for not seeing that and I'm so sorry of how I treated them.

She is a b1tch. I gave her everything and she took it from me leaving me with nothing. After everything I have done for her, she left me for some other guy. I felt all used up and stupid for all the things I have said on here. To think just yesterday I would go to the end of the world for her. Why would I do such a thing for someone who replaced me just like that, all the things she said was a lie. She was not the person I fell in love with, I thought she was loyal, I meant more to her than that and she just threw me out of the window without any hesistation. She told me she was better than me the other day... That was so cruel. She is definitely not the person I want to be with anymore and I've made up my mind for sure and I'm not going back on it anymore.

As for her, I am cutting her off my life for good. Even if she wants to rekindle things later on, ill be long gone. I deserve so much better than that. I deserve someone who is loyal to me to the end, appreciate me and love me for who I am. Well, this is how I feel today, if it ll change tomorrow? I don't really know. It still hurts me when I think of her with the other guy. I still love her but that was because she was once the person she was and now she's changed unless she was always this way and I never saw this side of her. It still hurts every now and then that things had to end up this way but now I actually think of the possibility that this might be the best for me.

Anyway, what's the problem now? Well, the thing is I'm ready to move on. But like I said now I'm left with nothing, I'm kind of scared of the future. I know what I have to do is spend more time with my family and friends and I'm so grateful for them. Im glad I haven't lose them yet. They mean so much to me now. I also have to study hard in school build a future for myself and find a good job to support myself. The thing is, about my love life? I don't know if I will ever find anyone to love anymore. I would like to have someone to love me back and spend the rest of my life with but I don't know if I would ever find that person. I don't want a rebound, just anyone to be with. I want to find my one true love and I don't know if I ever will and I'm scared I won't and just end up all by myself with no one loving me... Im scared of the future and I feel kind of lost right now.

[PirandelloLuigi]

Here is my opinion. Maybe right now it seems hard and difficult for us because they abandoned us, it's hard to believe but one day they will look back and start regretting, trust me.

They will always wonder, what if I stayed and made some effort to stay. The reason they leave is because they want to see if they can find better. You got to give them this time and space to go see what's out there. If they find better good for them. If they don't too bad for them. If they want a second chance you got to be careful and make sure they won't do it again. Are you willing to take a chance by giving them a second chance?

It's a hard decision. I would give a second chance but they would have to convince me and I am not easily convinced. Like someone said earlier. You gave away your self-respect for this woman and she just left you with nothing and empty.

She has to win you back, no way your going to win her back if she left. In time if she realizes you were the one, she will try to get back. In the meantime you got to show confidence, strength, independence, show you can live happy without her. No contact.

One day she will want to know what happened to you, maybe one day she will get fed up of this other guy she is seeing and dump him or he might dump her. When this happens, some women look back at their ex. They will try to see if they can come back with him before trying to find someone new.

You will have the ball back in your court, since you probably will have a girl already or 2 or 3 possible girlfriends and she will be another competitor to get you back. If you remain alone, with little friends, she will sense you are lonely and that will not attract her. She wants to see you as a popular guy with a good network of friends. (Especially if she is very social with lots of friends).

Her new guy was probably a rebound, she will be thinking of you when she is with him and is just not going to last. So don't worry if they move on quickly and see someone else, doesn't mean anything bad. It just says one thing, you are stronger cause you were able to be alone while she wasn't capable and needed a new guy right away. She is the weak one. She is just going to jump from one guy to another and soon realize that with you at least she had something special.

Be strong, block all good memories, think of the bad times, and the draining arguments you had. Do you really want to be with a woman who plays with your feelings? Who broke your heart and might do it again. I know it's hard, hell man, mine wanted to marry me and have kids. Hard to believe eh?

[none12345]

Oh what happened in your situation? If you don't mind sharing =P just wondering

[PirandelloLuigi]

She is a b1tch. I gave her everything and she took it from me leaving me with nothing. After everything i have done for her, she left me for some other guy.

The way I see it, it's better she goes and see if the grass is greener now then later. Imagine you were married and did this behind your back while you are at work. Let her go and experience whatever. This is a test. She wants to test her feelings for you. And your test is to let her go and be strong. By doing this and ignoring her, she will realize what she had.

If you are always available for her, she will see this as easy, she wants challenge. They always want what's hard to get. Bro I loved my girlfriend a lot, but when she left me, I refused friendship that she offered, I said do not contact me ever again unless you want to work things out. You know how hard it was for me to say that? I know friendship is tempting because she will be still around, but that gives her control over you and your screwed.

It's freaking hard to let go someone you love, the month after the breakup was like grief that she passed away, gone from my life. Look at the bright side, like yoda says, follow the light, the force is with you. You are doing the good thing to let her go. Yes she was selfish, she was thinking of herself, Her happiness before the happiness of the couple. She wants the perfect male to be the father of her kids. How does she know she is with the good one? She must go see what's out there. That's why you can never say that it is over 100%. She might be back if she did not find that ''Perfect male'' for her babies.

And when she comes back if she does, isn't better that she sees the new you? The new strong, confident, in demand sexy male that every woman wants. You will have control, and you will be the leader, not the follower. The man is the provider and leader, might sound macho, but that's how humans are programmed since beginning of time.

Final words: don't fight for love if they left you. Let them go, make them fight to get you back if they regret what they did.

[PirandelloLuigi]

Oh what happened in your situation? if you dont mind sharing =P just wondering

My situation was pretty bad. She hurt my feelings a few times. 10 months after we were dating, she said she did not have the same feeling for me anymore. (on my birthday). We had just gotten back from a trip to mexico. (Trips make it or break it) very true!

I lost my job 2 months ago, she started to change at that moment, she said I was different and that I lost self confidence and was negative. She started to flake one me, not respecting plans we had, breaking plans often to go with friends. The tellingme she felt suffocated. How could that be? We were seeing each other 2 or 3 times a week.

So when she flaked on me for the last time, on Friday 13th of feb 2009, The next day she was a B***H on the phone. It was valentines, so said to her, I am not coming over to see you, I don't feel like arguing. She called me at midnight to say it was over because she was tired of arguments and I told her I was tired of being a puppet that followed her around everywhere she goes and that I wanted an intimate relationship not a social group thing. Hell I felt like I was dating her friends and family not her.

I was also tired of her controlling attitude and her high maintenance ways. Superficial and materialist. When things didn't go her way she would pout like a 10 year old. I was tired of her bad attitude. In the end I just think she had very low interest level and did not care much about us anymore. It was easy for her to end it, if she really cared I think she would have made the effort to save it. Instead she gave up.

That's my story. Any questions?

[none12345]

Not really. But awww that was pretty bad. So was mine... She told me she wanted to be my friend because her expectations for friends aren't as high... that's what she told me. I didn't say anything at that time but I changed the subject. But I'm in NC and I think I so deserve so much better than her. I don't know what do you think I should do?

[PirandelloLuigi]

Not really. But awww that was pretty bad. So was mine... She told me she wanted to be my friend because her expectations for friends arent as high... thats what she told me. i didnt say anything at that time but i changed the subject. But im in NC and i think i so deserve so much better than her. I dont know what do you think i should do?

If she had higher expectations, it seems to me that she is not sure if you meet her expectations as a boyfriend and she thinks being friends is better cause there is less expectations. This means she is confused and not sure. Give her space, let her go see what's out there and while she does this, you got to work on yourself and improve yourself.

I am in the exact situation as you and this is what I recommend we should do. We should improve our self-esteem and self confidence. Be Leaders that know what we want and always take the first steps to go places, show her the world. Don't be afraid to say no once in a while, have a backbone, defend your opinions even if she doesn't agree. Practice this with next girl you meet. I recommend you read a few books on relationships, what turns women on, how to keep being a challenge. It's nice to have a new relationship, but you also got to want to keep it always alive.

Learn what kills relationships and work on those. Work on your posture, your voice, become an alpha male. Avoid being a wussy. Don't be a jealous posessive guy, needy or clingy, never smother her. I know this sounds like mind games, but like it or not it's not called the love game for nothing. You got to play the game until she decided to throw the white towel and gives up and wants to be in your arms forever.

Until she does that you got to keep being in control, a challenge, and confident. The minute you show weakness you are screwed. The woman wants a strong man, it's wired in her brain, she does not understand it herself why it is like this. She wants a leader, to protect her from evil and another male that comes lurking to steal her from you.

So if you hear the words ''your a nice guy'' or ''let's be friends'' you are in trouble and it maybe too late. It means she thinks your not tough enough to be her man and prefers you as a friend. Don't fall into the friend zone, be tough and say no. By saying no you are taking your power back. Make her realize she is making a big mistake. Just be doing this you are showing her you are not that weak after all. You do have a backbone.

No contact, distance, avoidance, disappear from her. It will drive her insane. I told mine to forget I ever existed. Hard to do but you have to. Bro if you put all your trust in her and she abandoned you, you have no choice to do this man. For me, either she is with someone else or not, to me it was still a betrayal. She betrayed my trust.
She did not respect me. No respect= No love.

Will you marry someone who did this to you? Will you be able to trust them again after you buy them a diamond ring and giveaway your freedom to them?
Will she stay next to you when life gets hard and you have obstacles or will she expect you to fix everything and if you don't she will dump you again and bail out.

These are things to think about, if my woman bailed out on me when times got rough, to me I think it's time to let go. I am a fighter and I don't give up, and I want a female who is a fighter too and is supportive and will stick by my side for better or for worse.
I won't settle for less.

to answer your question, what you should do?
Keep doing NC, work on yourself, don't wait for her. Move on, date other women.
Who knows maybe by dating others you will find better than your ex.
I know it seems impossible right now, but it is possible. I did it before, so can you.
The more you date, the more you know what you want and don't want.
Like Tal said in an earlier thread, you got to kiss a lot of frogs before you find your princess. Don't stay stuck on her, because you are only delaying your success. I was depressed for 5 weeks, I lost 25 pounds, lost my apetite, lost motivation to do anything.
But one day I woke and said, OK enough is enough. Time to move on with life, accept what happened, work on myself, go to ASKME HELP DESK and other ways to distract myself every time I start regretting what happened. Time heals. Go out with female friends, go to gym, get some new video games, practice your interactions, go to parties, meet new people. Forget her! Put a Big X on the past. Repeat a 100 times a day she will regret it that B***H! It helps! Lol.

If you got any tips, don't hesitate to tell us.
Now I will go have a beer and chips and think about the future(tomorrow).
Remember You are not alone! Think of all the brothers who got their heart crushed. Let's help each other in one of the worse times in history man has to deal with the new modern woman and her crazy ways.

[none12345]

Hey guys I'm scared of the future. Im not sure what it will bring. I don't know if I could stand my own ground without anythere to help me find my happiness. I guess I just got to take one step at a time. I think I finally accepted to move on now and I think its for the best. Im still sad that I lost this though but I think it might be for the best.

[Nestorian]

Hey guys im scared of the future. Im not sure what it will bring. I dont know if i could stand my own ground without anythere to help me find my happiness. I guess i just gotta take one step at a time. I think i finally accepted to move on now and i think its for the best. Im still sad that i lost this though but i think it might be for the best.

Hmmm.

You are scared of the future, so am I. You don't want to end up alone, niether do I. But for me, finding my happyness is about being happy with myself, bymyself.

I'll tell you my story now, though it's not that imporant now.

I was just graduated, but had to finnish afew more courses, met this amasing girl, first girl I ever dated. I still remember our first kiss, and how cute she was. We were together for about 5 months and her parents moved. So I went to work in a mill, to pay for schooling, but the mill laid me off so I had to quit school and find another job, but the jobs were few and far between then, more so now though.
Any who, I moved about 12 hours to where she lived because of the oil industry had jobs in her town. But we did the long distance thing for 5 months first. Any who, we lived with her parents, in their basment, as she was doing her last year of high school. I went to school, became a welder. Made great money, but I hated it, very unhealthy. She wanted to move out, I agreed, so we did. I was thinking of going back to school for upgrading, but she didn't like the idea of less money, so I didn't.
We moved around a bit for a about a year, so we are at 2 years. I was still a welder, but things got bad where we finnally ended up, so I found a new job up north. She didn't want to move again, but there was more money where we moved, and I was making tons of money. For a year at this job I loathed, and just hated with every ounce of my being. THe heath factor, plus the people I worked with all thought they were better then the other guy, lots of politics, fights, arguments, and getting sh!t on verbally.
Any who, she decided she wanted to travel. I wanted to settle, but I made her a deal, we travel on this trip, I figured a couple weeks, but she wanted a few months. I managed to talk her down to 6 weeks. Then we'd come back and get a new car, save up for a home etc. I still wanted to go to school but she didn't like the idea of less money. Well, we went to Australia, and New Zealand. Very awsome by the way.
We come back home, I loose my job because I suffered from "depression", I didn't know it at the time but it was bipolar. I figured OK, I'll take some time off and deal with this once and for all. Get to the bottom my depression. She didn't like that either, once again money, which drove me nuts, we always had tons of money coming in and no money. We both worked full time, though I worked 12-18 hour shifts days/ nights switched up every 2 weeks, and 6-7 days a week. So again I found a nother welding job, even though I just hated it, I did it for her. Her dad comes to help us find a newer vehicle, but they don't tell me... :confused: Ok what ever he and I never were close, so I ignored it, and her parents put down money for her new mazda tribute, and I get no say. Ok what ever it's a nice vehicle.
Then the day she comes and says, "Im moving out, to live with my sister." She needed her space. She moves out and starts to hang out with a "friend". She still comes to our apartment where I live and gets ready for dates with this "friend", and he shows up and picks her up at my door. But I figure they are just chilling no big deal.
This goes for two weeks, every day, then I say OK are we or are we not together? Can I split up our sh!t or not? I told her my feelings everything about how it made me feel like a pathetic piece of crap and so on. She says no we are still BF/GF. And cries. So I stay. But she still is doing the same thing she did before. I fell apart, and became a mess. Then she comes to me at the end of the third week of this and says, "I don't love you any more. I stopped loving you after you finnished paying the $15,000 for our trip. My love for you is more like that which i feel for a dog." To make things worse, I left moved out, but not everything, I still had a key, and stuff to get and walked in to get the last of it in the morning and there were his shoes, and he was in my freeking bed, or the one I'd slept in the night before.
She cheeted on me, left me the moment I paid for a super expencive trip and didn't tell me how she felt about me/ Lying to my face, then brings this guy into the place I still called my home and rubs it in my face. Then has him drop my personal mail off at my place of employment, and to make it all the better he was a customer so I had to take my mail with a smile, and serve him as he was a paying customer. That tore me apart, and I still after 2 years feel all those things just the same as I did the day I became aware of them...

So now that I've complained, here is the important part. She didn't rip my heart out, she didn't hurt me, I did. I made the choice to stay. I could have left but didn't. I accept that now. I still have not forgiven myself for it, and in fact I hate myself for it. I know she was just trying to do what was best for her, I can't imagine it was easy being with some one who was/is mentaly ill. Even though I was constantly going to counselers, doctors, psychologists, and psychiatrists... I some times think I should have left for her benafit, but I couldn't see how she waws feeling on account that she never really told me anything, and kept her secrets between her and her mum. I told her everything, and I guess she felt she had to be the bigger person, but in the end she was the weakest link... In that she kept information that may have helped me to get out of my "depression" had she confided in me. It may sound odd, but I can't express how disapointed in her I am for that, but again to protect her self (respect I'm guessing.). I still love her, I miss her every day and it's still all the same as it was when she first left me. The difference is now I have other things I think about.
I've begun to focus on me, my needs, and loving myself, respecting myself, understaning myself, and above all knowing myself. Once I know who I am, I can see what I really want. A secure future, in some kind of social suport work with kids I hope (they are always fun, and hilarious.), I'd like to have a nice place with a couple kids of my own, but also adopting well as many as my partner is willing to take on. I've had this idea of a school to help teach kids how the world works, and how to make it better. I'm not sure if that's me though.
I have something I like to call, the Be perfect complex. I don't think people will like me, let alone love me, if I'm not perfect. This I developed at an age as early as 5 is when I can recall this kind of thinking. Since then my life has bin sheltered, in that I won't do anything if I think I can't. I won't try and if I do, I only put minimal effort in. SO, I never felt really loved, and I never really felt good enough for anything, one, or in anyway.

So yes, what happened was lame, it hurts, and I'm lost so much so that I don't know who I am, and can't decide if anything is really important. At least I know now, I can discover it, and be open to any ideas, and try things, even if I"m scared. My ex, was just doing what she felt was right for her, and I wouldnt' expect any more from any one else. Though i may like more, it is not very probable that i'd find it. Some of what she did was pretty harsh, but it opened my eyes. She warned me one night just before she moved with her parents, she said, "I'm going to break your heart you know." I didn't believe her, but I understand now. Now I'm working on myself, because if I can't, know, love, understand, respect, and care about myself then nither can any one else.

I've bin with 4 girls after my ex, friends with benafits. Yeah, we shall slip and fall along the path we walk, but we don't have to stay on that path. Remember that. Any who, I didn't just sleep with them, I fell in love with each of them, and I still love them very much. There will always be another girl to love, but if you don't love yourself, then how can they?

FInd out who you are, try new things, like swimming, or exercising, or biking, running, join a club, do Teakowndo or judo, M.M.A. or learn guitar (I love to play my guitfidle!), read books in public places like starbucks and such, you'd be surprised how many people (attractive women) walk up and say how do you like the book, etc. Redicover yourself, and the girl will just come out of no where, but you need to try and have faith in yourself.

K that is super long, I hope I didn't sound too pathetic, as I did cry a lot when she left me, but I mean I loved her will every ounce of me that was. So, yeah, I also hope that's not too long, I like to ramble.

[Nestorian]

I'd just like to say, its good that you are deciding to move on, it opens up options for you.

[none12345]

Dewd don't even worry about typing that long thing. I love to read the experience of people. But awww you gave everything you had for her as well and so did and all they did was left us with nothing in the end for some other guy. Its one thing I learned is never to give them everything because if things don't work out we ll just end up with nothing.

But wow you spent so much on the trip. Yet she doesn't even care how much work you spent just for that trip just for her. I hate girls who do that. Who aren't loyal, who don't try to work things out when things get bad... But as for that girl it seems like money is really important in her life. I just think there is more to life than money. But yah I spent tons of money on my ex too she was my first girlfriend and I don't have second one yet. Of course I didn't spend nearly as much as you did on her but I think I spent like 1000$ on this girl and I'm still a student. That was like most of the money I got working for the whole summer...

And by the way dude. Lol I know how to play guitar, been playing for 8 years now and started when I was 10. Been a few bands but it was just for fun nothing serious. But yah I would love to hear more about your story. How are things going for your right now? Are you with someone? How'd things end with your other girls? Who does your heart belong to right now? etc. Hope to hear from yah soon.

[Nestorian]

Dewd dont even worry about typing that long thing. I love to read the experience of people. But awww you gave everything you had for her as well and so did and all they did was left us with nothing in the end for some other guy. Its one thing i learned is never to give them everything because if things dont work out we ll just end up with nothing.

But wow you spent so much on the trip. Yet she doesnt even care how much work you spent just for that trip just for her. I hate girls who do that. Who arent loyal, who dont try to work things out when things get bad... But as for that girl it seems like money is really important in her life. I just think there is more to life than money. But yah i spent tons of money on my ex too she was my first girlfriend and i dont have second one yet. Of course i didnt spend nearly as much as you did on her but i think i spent like 1000$ on this girl and im still a student. That was like most of the money i got working for the whole summer....

and by the way dude. lol i know how to play guitar, been playing for 8 years now and started when i was 10. Been a few bands but it was just for fun nothing serious. But yah i would love to hear more about your story. How are things going for your right now? Are you with someone? How'd things end with your other girls? Who does your heart belong to right now? etc. Hope to hear from yah soon.

Curious guy aren't you? :p That's OK, me too.

Yes we have to be a little "selfish" is guess the word would be, so we don't loose ourselves.

Well, it was really a mixture of her money and mine for the $15,000 but I made 4000 a month, she made 1600. Most of that all went to bills, but what ever we had we saved for the trip. She kept buying cloths and stuff for the trip, and spending money saying it was her's to spend, so I do feel kind of bitter about it. I probably put 9-10 grand in and she the rest. But I'm trying to let that go, as I did make that choice on my own.

Yeah, I just started playing guitar, I love it. At the moment, my heart belongs to me. Or at least that's what I'm trying to do.

Right now, I"m unemployed, on disability for a mental illness, bipolar. So i'm kinda messed up, or was. Hard to explain. When i was younger, since i was born, my family was unstable and every one was always fighting. Really messed me up. Any who, as i grew I developed a fear of failure. Like no one else has that eh? well my fear maybe differnt for the reasoning behind it. I feared not being perfect, because if i was not perfect i was not Lovable, so unless i could do it right the first time, i'd quit out of fear. So as I grew i was always judging my self very harshly, and pretty much i stopped living life, except the most necissarry. Like school, or getting things for people, being out of sight, quiet, and on my own a lot.
Enter my teen years, I was a very shy timid guy, quiet for the most part, and helped people any way i could. I figured if i pleased others, i was perfect, and was told i was many times, but that is not the truth. Any way, I started getting odd feelings. Sad, depressed, empty feelings, with agressive, angery/ happy, anxiative, excited feelings. This was my bipolar, but the docs all said I was just depressed. Ten years later, after constantly talking to those kinds of profetionals, i am told i'm bipolar. So i have to quit school, i was failing any way, and Teakwondo/ M.M.A., and volunteering. I have bin testing and trying meds/ and combination's of meds, till now I"m better! No not really, now I've come to realise the reason I was always so sad, was do to my be perfect complex. It's very damaging. The hardest part is, I didn't learn a lot of things that I should have. My brain is wired to believe in failure, and such. I've not learned a lot of things that are needed to progress in life, so I have to try and learn them before I"m forced to go back to work, as the ecconomy is not good, and jobs are few and far between. The jobs that are available are that of graduated university students.
I live with my sister, recovering alcoholic, who finnished schooling for a entry level resident care aid, but now she can't find work. So I paid rent, but I don't know if we'll have the money for next month, and if we don't we'll be living on the street. Yeah, things look pretty grim.

No, i have not girl friend. As for the other girls. I love them still and talk to tehem now and again. But the first one, she tells me she misses me every few weeks. She isn't happy with her BF i guess, and she wants to see me. The second was a friend that I hung out with for about a month, then it just felt wierd, we still say hi upon passing but not really talk so much. Then the next She is well, a wild girl now. I worry about her, as she drinks and drives and drinks often and does a lot of dangerous things. I hung out with her for about a month before we kissed, but we were just friends with benafits, then a few weeks later it got wierd. So we just went to being freinds. Then a girl i had known for 6 months and hung out with quite often well...
She was having relationship issuses, and I was there for her, time and time again. Then after me and the last girl stopped being so close. haha, sorry.:rolleyes: Any who, she and i got closer, and she told me of her BF cheating on her. I must have siad something right because we became freinds with benafits. She knew about my past too, helped me thoguht some of the more lame parts. She and I were very much a like. We both loved kids and we liked reading(though i was very slow.) and video games, etc. She was very hot, at least in my eyes, and a lot of other's too...?? Any who, we just got "close", and her BF and her fought, and I was the one she called. Well, I ended up spending the night. So now i'm just as bad as the guy my ex left me for, if not worse. To be fair, i actually showed my ex that i loved her, and never cheated on her. I'm a one women man. Well, the BF came back the next day, she and I in thier bed... Well he grabbed his stuff, while she was passed out. He little 15-16 year old sister and her had got a little tipsy the night before, hence my being there to take care of them, any way nothing happend he left. well, she and I did our toghter with benafits thing for about a month or 2. We got on great, worked together like you wouldn't believe. I've never felt so respected, loved, and well with some one. She was not mine to be with though. The last two weeks i stayed every night with her. Her BF, Ex at the time, and her were kind of getting back together. I knew she was not mine, but that didn't stop her form showing me how much she loved me in return. She was the most amasing women I had the privliage to be close with. any who, she and him were going off for a jsut "friendly" hang out date, and said she'd be back around 12am. So i waited for her, she didnt ' show i waited an hour longer, she didn't show, i got worried called the hospital police station, but no word. I had to assume she was with him at his place, and she was ok... She was, cam home to her place about 2pm. I told her what i had done, she realised she could have at the very least called me. Then i asked if i should leave she said, "no". I stayed the next few days and it was clear then that it was time to move on. And i did. I felt crushed, but at the same time, fine. She and I we had a lot of fun, and very compatable, but i wasn't the man she loved that way at least. So i let go. I wanted her to be happy.
Then she told me a bit later, "I'm pregnant." :eek: :rolleyes:Figures, the very things I swore I would never do, and I did them. Life is ironic, and humbling. Interfear in anothers relationship, and have a baby that I don't know weather or not I'm the father. Well, they are still together, have the baby, I've seen it once... None of us can afford the money to find out who's the father. Little Ali, 6Lbs and 7ounces, blue eyes. Cute little one either way. I'm in no position to argue anything so I have left it as is.

So yeah, that's where I am, and how I am, and what happened with the girls, and my story. I've dedicated a lot of my time and energy to philosophical endevours, and learning about life.
I like the wisedom of the Buddha, teachings of master Yoda, honor of the Heroes of SOLIDER: Sephiroth, Angeal, Zack, Cloud (embrace your dreams, protect your honor.) I've also my own ideas, and such. I love psychology, philosophy, science in general, reading, learning, Tolkin Characters as in elvish writing style, and so on. My guitar of course.

I think the important thing is you remember that the world is bigger than we are, so even if things get messed up here, there are so many places we can move to and start a different life, even with in our own citys.

[PirandelloLuigi]

I am starting to see a pattern in all the stories I been reading. It seems like we all gave too much to our girls. We spoiled them, spent too much time with them, and put them on a pedestal. This is wrong. We got too attached and they can feel this.

We can't base our life on a woman. It's self destruction. We always have to think, what if she is not there anymore one day? There is no guarantee how long we will be with them. I hope we all learned a lesson here. In your next relationship, be more independent, don't be so available, MAKE HER EARN YOUR TRUST.
Don't pay her a trip if she did not earn it.

If she did something bad to you, don't go buy her a gift and reward her, it's not logical. I know you guys want to be romantic and impress her, but if she did not do anything good for you, why go reward her, she does not deserve it.

My ex made me a list of things she DID'NT want on valentines. Then 3 days before she said ''babe you don't have to get me anything for V day.'' So since she was being bad with me on Friday and Saturday on vday. I did not get her anything, and I told her I did'nt want to see her. I know this was harsh, but I will not accept bad behaviour. Either she changed her attitude and be nice or continue to be a B***H! She chose the 2nd.

Well unfortunately when a woman acts this way with me, I just don't want to be around, I have ZERO TOLERANCE for this crap.
I want a respectfull mature woman, not an immature bad tempered complaining self centered girl. Be tough guys, grow some cojones, don't let these girls step on you. Does it say doormat on your forehead? If you need to buy gifts and impress her with money to get her approval then dude I have bad news.
She is just a materialist, gold digger, using you and doesn't care about your feelings.

Try to find a flexible giver, Google it if you want to know what it is in detail. I don't know abou you, but for me I think I prefer having a woman that shares with me and not always take, take ,take.
I prefer a woman that stays by my side when the going gets tough. When life put obstacles she will battle them with me and not quit and bail out.

Do you want to marry a woman that will quit on you every time she sees problems and panics. I don't. I got enough of my problems, I don't need her problems too. Try to find one with very few problems, and a clean past. If she is tempted to always find a better guy, than this girl is not worth it. What are we? Objects to be used and replaced?

[none12345]

Curious guy aren't ya? :p Thats ok, me too.

Yes we have to be a little "selfish" is guess the word would be, so we don't loose our selves.

Well, it was really a mixture of her money and mine for the $15,000 but I made 4000 a month, she made 1600. Most of that all went to bills, but what ever we had we saved for the trip. She kept buying cloths and stuff for the trip, and spending money saying it was her's to spend, so i do feel kind of bitter about it. I probably put 9-10 grand in and she the rest. But I'm trying to let that go, as I did make that choice on my own.

Yeah, i just started playing guitar, i love it. At the moment, my heart belongs to me. Or at least thats what im trying to do.

Right now, I"m unemployed, on disability for a mental illness, bipolar. So i'm kinda messed up, or was. Hard to explain. When i was younger, since i was born, my family was unstable and every one was always fighting. Really messed me up. Any who, as i grew I developed a fear of failure. Like no one else has that eh? well my fear maybe differnt for the reasoning behind it. I feared not being perfect, because if i was not perfect i was not Lovable, so unless i could do it right the first time, i'd quit out of fear. So as I grew i was always judging my self very harshly, and pretty much i stopped living life, except the most necissarry. Like school, or getting things for people, being out of sight, quiet, and on my own a lot.
Enter my teen years, I was a very shy timid guy, quiet for the most part, and helped people any way i could. I figured if i pleased others, i was perfect, and was told i was many times, but that is not the truth. Any way, I started getting odd feelings. Sad, depressed, empty feelings, with agressive, angery/ happy, anxiative, excited feelings. This was my bipolar, but the docs all said I was just depressed. Ten years later, after constantly talking to those kinds of profetionals, i am told i'm bipolar. So i have to quit school, i was failing any way, and Teakwondo/ M.M.A., and volunteering. I have bin testing and trying meds/ and combination's of meds, till now I"m better!! No not really, now i've come to realise the reason i was always so sad, was do to my be perfect complex. It's very damaging. The hardest part is, i didnt' learn a lot of things that i should have. My brain is wired to believe in failure, and such. I've not learned alot of things that are needed to progress in life, so i have to try and learn them before I"m forced to go back to work, as the ecconomy is not good, and jobs are few and far between. The jobs that are available are that of graduated university students.
I live with my sister, recovering alcoholic, who finnished schooling for a entry level resident care aid, but now she can't find work. So I paid rent, but I don't know if we'll have the money for next month, and if we don't we'll be living on the street. Yeah, things look pretty grim.

No, i have not girl friend. As for the other girls. I love them still and talk to tehem now and again. But the first one, she tells me she misses me every few weeks. She isn't happy with her BF i guess, and she wants to see me. The second was a friend that I hung out with for about a month, then it just felt wierd, we still say hi upon passing but not really talk so much. Then the next She is well, a wild girl now. I worry about her, as she drinks and drives and drinks often and does a lot of dangerous things. I hung out with her for about a month before we kissed, but we were just friends with benafits, then a few weeks later it got wierd. So we just went to being freinds. Then a girl i had known for 6 months and hung out with quite often well...
She was having relationship issuses, and I was there for her, time and time again. Then after me and the last girl stopped being so close. haha, sorry.:rolleyes: Any who, she and i got closer, and she told me of her BF cheating on her. I must have siad something right because we became freinds with benafits. She knew about my past too, helped me thoguht some of the more lame parts. She and I were very much a like. We both loved kids and we liked reading(though i was very slow.) and video games, etc. She was very hot, at least in my eyes, and a lot of other's too...?? Any who, we just got "close", and her BF and her fought, and I was the one she called. Well, I ended up spending the night. So now i'm just as bad as the guy my ex left me for, if not worse. To be fair, i actually showed my ex that i loved her, and never cheated on her. I'm a one women man. Well, the BF came back the next day, she and I in thier bed... Well he grabbed his stuff, while she was passed out. He little 15-16 year old sister and her had got a little tipsy the night before, hence my being there to take care of them, any way nothing happend he left. well, she and I did our toghter with benafits thing for about a month or 2. We got on great, worked together like you wouldn't believe. I've never felt so respected, loved, and well with some one. She was not mine to be with though. The last two weeks i stayed every night with her. Her BF, Ex at the time, and her were kind of getting back together. I knew she was not mine, but that didn't stop her form showing me how much she loved me in return. She was the most amasing women I had the privliage to be close with. any who, she and him were going off for a jsut "friendly" hang out date, and said she'd be back around 12am. So i waited for her, she didnt ' show i waited an hour longer, she didn't show, i got worried called the hospital police station, but no word. I had to assume she was with him at his place, and she was ok... She was, cam home to her place about 2pm. I told her what i had done, she realised she could have at the very least called me. Then i asked if i should leave she said, "no". I stayed the next few days and it was clear then that it was time to move on. And i did. I felt crushed, but at the same time, fine. She and I we had a lot of fun, and very compatable, but i wasn't the man she loved that way at least. So i let go. I wanted her to be happy.
Then she told me a bit later, "I'm prego." :eek: :rolleyes:Figures, the very things I swore I would never do, and I did them. Life is ironic, and humbling. Interfear in anothers relationship, and have a baby that i dont' know weather or not I'm the father. Well, they are still together, have the baby, I've seen it once... None of us can afford the money to find out who's the father. Little Ali, 6Lbs and 7ounces, blue eyes. Cute little one either way. I'm in no position to argue anything so i have left it as is.

So yeah, thats where I am, and how i am, and what happend with the girls, and my story. I've dedicated a lot of my time and energy to philisophical endevours, and learning about life.
I like the wisedom of the Buddha, teachings of master Yoda, honor of the Heros of SOLIDER: Sephiroth, Angeal, Zack, Cloud (embrace your dreams, protect your honor.) I've also my own ideas, and such. I love psychology, philosophy, science in general, reading, learning, Tolkin Characters as in elvish writing style, and so on. My guitar of course.

I think the important thing is you remember that the world is bigger than we are, so even if things get messed up here, there are so many places we can move to and start a different life, even with in our own citys.

Wow that was an interesting story, took me a while to read. Seems like you've come a long way. If that child was yours, wouldn't you want to be in that child's life? Its not fair for her to not know who her real father is? But yah... Were you happy with your life? Are you happy? Wutcha been doing these days? Things seem pretty complicated on your end though, but I know how it feels to lose someone. Did you ever think you were the one that deserves to be with that girl? Lol sorry for the questions I'm just wondering =P

[none12345]

I am starting to see a pattern in all the stories i been reading. it seems like we all gave too much to our girls. We spoiled them, spent too much time with them, and put them on a pedestal. This is wrong. We got too attached and they can feel this.

We can't base our life on a woman. It's self destruction. We always have to think, what if she is not there anymore one day? There is no garantee how long we will be with them. I hope we all learned a lesson here. In your next relationship, be more independant, don't be so available, MAKE HER EARN YOUR TRUST.
Don't pay her a trip if she did not earn it.

If she did something bad to you, don't go buy her a gift and reward her, it's not logical. I know you guys want to be romantic and impress her, but if she did not do anything good for you, why go reward her, she does not deserve it.

My ex made me a list of things she DID'NT want on valentines. Then 3 days before she said ''babe you don't have to get me anything for V day.'' So since she was being bad with me on friday and saturday on vday. I did not get her anything, and i told her i did'nt want to see her. I know this was harsh, but i will not accept bad behaviour. Either she changed her attitude and be nice or continue to be a B***H! she chose the 2nd.

Well unfortunately when a woman acts this way with me, i just don't want to be around, i have ZERO TOLERANCE for this crap.
I want a respectfull mature woman, not an immature bad tempered complaining self centered girl. Be tough guys, grow some cojones, don't let these girls step on you. Does it say doormat on your forehead? If you need to buy gifts and impress her with money to get her approval then dude i have bad news.
She is just a materialist, gold digger, using you and does'nt care about your feelings.

Try to find a flexible giver, google it if you want to know what it is in detail. I don't know abou you, but for me i think i prefer having a woman that shares with me and not always take, take ,take.
I prefer a woman that stays by my side when the going gets tough. When life put obstacles she will battle them with me and not quit and bail out.

Do you want to marry a woman that will quit on you everytime she sees problems and panics. i don't. I got enough of my problems, i don't need her problems too. Try to find one with very few problems, and a clean past. If she is tempted to always find a better guy, than this girl is not worth it. What are we? Objects to be used and replaced?

I agree dude. Did you give too much to your ex too?

Yah I've learned that it is really a bad move to give everything to a girl. I trusted her, gave her support when she needed, and she replaced me. Im not something to be replaced. Im SOMEONE!! But yah at that point I didn't think she was like that. I thought she was loyal but than all her friends starting to put stuff into her mind like why are you doing long distance relationship? This guy is here for you, you should be happy with him.

Than she left me because of all their pressure and its hard to deal with since I'm further away and couldn't spend as much time with her. She bailed out on me when things got bad. We planned everything, when we could be together, when to get married, where to go on our honeymoon, when we wanted to have kids, what are the names of them and she seemed pretty happy then..

But than the other guy came into her life and she left me like a heartbeat leaving me with nothing. You're right! I do want a women who would appreciate me and not take me for granted, loyal, trustworthy and won't bail when things get bad. Hehe I considered myself romantic and I would like to surprise her with cards, gifts etc... but it turns out to be a waste of money. Yup I would like to share in the next relationship I have and not just give and take and find someone better. WE ARE NOT OBJECTS! We actually have feelings but they don't think we do. The more I think about it the more I think this girl is a b1tch. She treated me like crap. But I actually loved this girl and I still think I do but its slowly fading away... I don't feel as close to her anymore.

Now I'm not sure if ill ever love again or find anyone I would want to be with but I shouldn't worry about that now since I just got out of a relationship, for now ima do what I want and what makes me happy. I got to take one day at a time and try to enjoy life more... lol

[PirandelloLuigi]

Oh yeah I gave her too much! Way too much.

1 month after I was dating her it was christmas and I got her a cellphone. Then more and more gifts. I always paid at restaurants, movies, cafes. One time my credit card was frozen so I had to pay cash and I was missing like 20 dollars to pay the bill. I asked her to help me pay. She got all irritated and mad and offended me in front of her friends. Is that right? I felt like just leaving her there and go home, but I took a deep breath and let the moment go by.

It was all my fault, I gave her too much, too early, so I conditioned her to be like this. She also gave me an ultimatum, that if I did not pay for everything the relationship would not work.
That in her traditions the man is the provider and must pay all the bills when going out.

[none12345]

Oh yeah i gave her too much! way too much.

1 month after i was dating her it was christmas and i got her a cellphone. then more and more gifts. I always paid at restaurants, movies, cafes. One time my credit card was frozen so i had to pay cash and i was missing like 20 dollars to pay the bill. i asked her to help me pay. She got all irritated and mad and offended me in front of her friends. Is that right? I felt like just leaving her there and go home, but i took a deep breath and let the moment go by.

It was all my fault, i gave her too much, too early, so i conditioned her to be like this. She also gave me an ultimatum, that if i did not pay for everything the relationship would not work.
That in her traditions the man is the provider and must pay all the bills when going out.

Wow turns out you gave too much too. I gave too much too. Nestorian gave too much too >_< and turns out all we got was a betrayal of trust and an empty wallet. Well not empty but not as much as we could have spent on ourselves instead. But wow that was really shallow of her, no offence. Money shouldn't be a big deal. Isn't there more to a relationship than just money? What about love? Consideration? Working together? >_< something I figured out that wasn't even there in the first place after all this time...

[none12345]

When do you guys think is the best age to settle down? For some reason I would like to settle down early and get a head start in life. Im 19 almost 20 and I think its about time I want to settle down and find a girl I want to spend the rest of my life with and do that. O_O

[PirandelloLuigi]

From my experience at 25 and up. Not before.
Settle with a girl that is over 23. Before that they just too confused or not ready and need to try things.

[PirandelloLuigi]

If the girl is under 23, I don't recommend you settle down with her.
You might wake up one morning and she will say '' I am not sure what I want anymore'' Confusion is very frequent at that age. I think 25 and up is a good age to settle down. It also depends of the level of maturity and you will feel if the girl is stable and knows what she wants. Heck my ex was 29 and still did not know what she wanted.