[snarfsnarf]

This girl and myself have been seeing each other now for 7months on and off. She is an old flame, we were boyfriend and girlfriend 2 years ago and got back in contact with each other a year ago. Seeing each other everyday, texting and phoning each other too. The first time we went out she broke it off pretty abruptly without any warning. I was devastated.
Things have got pretty serious these past 3 months (continuously/no breaks ) however as we shared our feelings about how much we love each other. She stays at my house, I stay at hers. I've met her friends, she has met mine. She is 4years younger than me and we are both studying at university.

Thing is, she doesn't want a serious relationship, "too much of a head-" as she puts
It. She doesn't want the girlfriend/boyfriend tag. Fair enough I thought, I told her that I feel the same as we should be concentrating on our studies. I have met her parents and family many times, she however is “afraid” to meet my parents and family. Is this because she is actually scared or because she doesn't see a future for us, so eliminates the drama of meeting my mum and dad and brothers. He never wants to go out for something to eat or to the cinema, “hate that romantic crap” she says. However we went out on Monday night, and were kissing each other all night. This was in full view of all her friends for the first time.

She regularly gets drunk, I mean every weekend and nearly every night during the week. Many times she has flipped at me and called the whole thing off only for the next day to try to retract her comments and wants to get back with me. She blames the drink. Wisely or not, I have always give in because I don't want to see anyone else.

I don't know if she really does love me, or if I'm just here until something better comes
Along. If she really loves me why does she not want a relationship? I know that she has a
Past record of dropping me with her mood swings. Does she want to see other people as well as me? Or is it that she really doesn't want to commit to anything.

The reason I have doubts about her seeing other people is that at Christmas while we were split up, she had sex with her first boyfriend twice. She told me this last week. I haven't confronted her about this as its none of my business as far as I was concerned she didn't want anything to do with me. But it has put the seed of doubt in my head as I now know she is prone to that kind of behaviour.

We were talking few weeks ago about our one night stands. She then went to look up one my one night stands on Facebook. She called it off with me because she hated the thought of that girl "being with me". I told her that its my past and I can't change it. I'm over it,
And that she had no right to criticise me for my past record. That 1night stand happened
After she dumped me and before we got back in contact with each other.

I'm at the point now that I might just call it off even though I love her, but I feel we're going nowhere and have always had a small bit of doubt which has now become serious doubts.

So... as you can see I've many doubts. Maybe that's part of the whole experience of love etc. This normally wouldn't annoy me with any other girl, but I do love her so much and never felt this good with anyone else. But deep down I have always had a few doubts about her, is this normal? Am I a wuss for always going back? I want to commit, but have doubts about her.

Apologies for the longness of the post, but I felt I had to tell the whole story.

Can anyone offer me some advice, as I'm at my wits end.

[liz28]

Since you have your doubts about her why do you care that she doesn't want to commit? I think her not wanting antthing serious right now is good because it would be a shame if you was serious with her than she just breaks your heart.

Right now you have 2 options. Either accepts things the way they are or walk away from it because you allow your feelings to deepen for her while her doesn't.

Also, you can't get mad at what she did while she wasn't with you or now because there is no commitment. Right now the two of you are friends that engaged in couple activity, confusing right?

So you have a choice to make and only you can make it.

[snarfsnarf]

Since you have your doubts about her why do you care that she doesn't want to commit?

I care about her, I love her. Its just that I have doubts if I want to commit to a proper relationship with her, and I'm asking if that's normal? Is everyone 100% sure that this is the person for them?Isf there's any point carrying on with this thing we have?

Also, you can't get mad at what she did while she wasn't with you or now because there is no commitment.

Im not mad at that, its none of my business. Like I said I won't talk to her about it as its not an issue. She is the one who wanted to break it off because I had a one night stand years ago when she wasn't part of my life.

[talaniman]

Its just that I have doubts if I want to commit to a proper relationship with her, and I'm asking if that's normal?

Yes its normal, but given the fact she doesn't want what you want, its not realistic to expect there will ever be a committed relationship.

Is everyone 100% sure that this is the person for them?

Not everyone, but committed partners who communicate, and work well together, pretty much know if they are 100% sure of each other. You have doubts, so that lets you know that's not the case here.

Is there's any point carrying on with this thing we have?

Me personally, I would be looking for better options, and oppurtunities. I don't see a real future here, but what's wrong with having fun, every now and then?

[snarfsnarf]

Me personally, I would be looking for better options, and oppurtunities. I don't see a real future here, but whats wrong with having fun, every now and then?

I love her but I don't want it to be just a bit of fun now and again. She loves me and I love her, so I want to be in a proper relationship with her. And after talking to her today she told me she may be going to America in September to live there for a year, maybe this is another reason to break it off.

[coyne740]

Ok,

I was in a 3 1/2 year relationship. I loved her. She did not see herself with me. I broke it off because of that. You are just a "good time" until something she thinks is better comes along. It's hard to admit that because you have put so much of yourself into it, but she isn't putting enough of herself into it. Ask yourself, "Will I be happy like this for the rest of my life?" If not, end it now, it will save you A lot of grief down the road, before things get too serious. Love is great, but with the wrong person, it can be deadly.

She is keeping space, so when something better does come along, there are no strings. At least on her side. Dude, I am telling you, trust me, these are not the words of a spiteful person, not the words of someone who is jealous you are in a relationship, these are the words of someone who has lived this, and if I could go back and tell myself to get out while I could, I would. Because, the sad thing is, men grow attached and hate change. It's just going to be harder a year or two down the road, and it will end with you crying because she found someone else.

Coyne

[unspeaken21]

snarfsnarf...
Your girl is acting young and just wants to have some fun in her life...

To be honest I don't see this relationship going anywhere other than circles...

I understand that you and her have history, but its time to face the truth and know that you and her are not in the same stage in this relationship. The fact that she wants to go to the states and leaves you behind is proof..

Plus her drinking every night is an indication that your life with her is going to be filled with many drama... lots and ups and down, but more downs...

You love her and what to be committed, but its not the right time for her.. I think she wants to experience life a bit more...

Having doubts its good.. because it can sometimes open you up to see how your relationship truly is...