[JudyKayTee]

thanks again to you all! the thing here is that the illness is treatable but it costs a lot in my country. there is a waiting list for free treatment but the waiting can take up to 6 months. by that time many complications may occur. one of them is cancer and multiple organ failures. the illness itself is very treatable but the complications are extremely dangerous. the treatment is very hard too. i know that the waiting is killing him even though he doesn't talk about that. he was such a sweetheart these days! in a way he holds on to me. he is caring and loving like in the beginning of our relationship. he seems so happy lately. i know that i must talk to him about going to the doctor but i'm afraid that he will become depressed again.

Depressed or not, this is something you must face as a couple and he's going to come to that realization at some time or another. All you can do is hang in there.

[Stringer]

Agreed, missplaced you have to be strong here, getting medical help, going to the doctor is essential.

[J_9]

May I ask what the diagnosis is? I may be able to try to help if I know that.

[missplaced]

We broke up yesterday. He had to drag his mother into our argument and they both attacked me. She didn't let me say a word. I left his house crying and now there's no turning back. Now I need an advice how to survive such a betrayal. He never loved me. I don't care what he says I know that I was just a rebound girl. Why did he had to lye so much?

[JudyKayTee]

we broke up yesterday. he had to drag his mother into our argument and they both attacked me. she didn't let me say a word. i left his house crying and now there's no turning back. now i need an advice how to survive such a betrayal. he never loved me. i don't care what he says i know that i was just a rebound girl. why did he had to lye so much?

Why does anyone lie? Why are people cruel to each other and why do the people who "love" you the most hurt you the most.

Look, I'm spilling more of my life here than I ever have but here's how it worked for me. After we knew what was going to happen - and we knew my husband's time was very limited - he repeatedly told me to leave, not to stay with him, that I didn't have to go through his hospitalizations with him, to leave and not come back. Many times I left, cried all the way home - and went back the next day. I had no intention of leaving him, not then, not ever. At times he started an argument with me for no reason other than to drive me off. I finally lost it one day and said to him that if he threw me out a thousand times I would come back a thousand and one times. I wasn't going anywhere. I was there for the long haul. And then he stopped with the nonsense.

It's not about you. It's almost not about him. It's about being frightened, about not wanting to drag other people through this mess that life can become, about the uncertainty of it all and to a very great extent, it's about not wanting you to see the suffering.

If your boyfriend is seriously ill he's just scared and doesn't know where to go and what to do. There is no handbook. If he could be terminal, then it's even worse.

I don't know him and I don't know you. I live my life knowing that when I turn and look back I did the honorable thing and what was in my heart - in this case, it was staying. We were a team. Hopefully you are, too.

He isn't/wasn't with you because someone is pointed a gun at his head. If he hadn't gotten sick you probably would still be together. Look into your heart and make your decision and then follow your heart.

I wish you luck.

[Stringer]

Why does anyone lie? Why are people cruel to each other and why do the people who "love" you the most hurt you the most.

Look, I'm spilling more of my life here than I ever have but here's how it worked for me. After we knew what was going to happen - and we knew my husband's time was very limited - he repeatedly told me to leave, not to stay with him, that I didn't have to go through his hospitalizations with him, to leave and not come back. Many times I left, cried all the way home - and went back the next day. I had no intention of leaving him, not then, not ever. At times he started an argument with me for no reason other than to drive me off. I finally lost it one day and said to him that if he threw me out a thousand times I would come back a thousand and one times. I wasn't going anywhere. I was there for the long haul. And then he stopped with the nonsense.

It's not about you. It's almost not about him. It's about being frightened, about not wanting to drag other people through this mess that life can become, about the uncertainty of it all and to a very great extent, it's about not wanting you to see the suffering.

If your boyfriend is seriously ill he's just scared and doesn't know where to go and what to do. There is no handbook. If he could be terminal, then it's even worse.

I don't know him and I don't know you. I live my life knowing that when I turn and look back I did the honorable thing and what was in my heart - in this case, it was staying. We were a team. Hopefully you are, too.

He isn't/wasn't with you because someone is pointed a gun at his head. If he hadn't gotten sick you probably would still be together. Look into your heart and make your decision and then follow your heart.

I wish you luck.

Well said Judy.

[missplaced]

Why does anyone lie? Why are people cruel to each other and why do the people who "love" you the most hurt you the most.

Look, I'm spilling more of my life here than I ever have but here's how it worked for me. After we knew what was going to happen - and we knew my husband's time was very limited - he repeatedly told me to leave, not to stay with him, that I didn't have to go through his hospitalizations with him, to leave and not come back. Many times I left, cried all the way home - and went back the next day. I had no intention of leaving him, not then, not ever. At times he started an argument with me for no reason other than to drive me off. I finally lost it one day and said to him that if he threw me out a thousand times I would come back a thousand and one times. I wasn't going anywhere. I was there for the long haul. And then he stopped with the nonsense.

It's not about you. It's almost not about him. It's about being frightened, about not wanting to drag other people through this mess that life can become, about the uncertainty of it all and to a very great extent, it's about not wanting you to see the suffering.

If your boyfriend is seriously ill he's just scared and doesn't know where to go and what to do. There is no handbook. If he could be terminal, then it's even worse.

I don't know him and I don't know you. I live my life knowing that when I turn and look back I did the honorable thing and what was in my heart - in this case, it was staying. We were a team. Hopefully you are, too.

He isn't/wasn't with you because someone is pointed a gun at his head. If he hadn't gotten sick you probably would still be together. Look into your heart and make your decision and then follow your heart.

I wish you luck.

This doesn't have anything to do with the illness. We had the same fight we have at least once a month and this time he made sure that there's no turning back. Today is his birthday and I can't stop crying. We were supposed to be together. He doesn't love me. He broke up with me and then he got angry at me because I changed my status to single on Facebook. He acts like he's 12. I can't believe that he's turning 27. I can't take this anymore! We brake up every time we start an argument. Its always been like that. Then there's 2-3 days of constant crying and suffering and then he calls and everything is fine for a week or so. And he always manages to find a way to make me feel guilty. I just can't take that anymore! If we don't break up now this will happen again. Right now I want to suffer for some period and then stop and never suffer again. Still I want to be there for him and or at least to know how he's doing even though I know that he doesn't love me!

[JudyKayTee]

this doesn't have anything to do with the illness. we had the same fight we have at least once a month and this time he made sure that theres no turning back.

I'm so sorry - I didn't know you had this history together. I am totally without words to comfort you. Hopefully someone else will come along with good advice. Again, take care of yourself -

[missplaced]

God I can't take this anymore! First he breaks up with me and then he makes a scandal cause I changed my relationship status on Facebook. I call to wish him happy birthday and he says that he knows that I don't wish him anything good. Later I tell him that I love him and he says whatever. That same night he writes to say that this is the worst birthday ever cause no one remembered to call and he blocks me on skype. I call again to ask why is he blocking me when I'm the only one that called and he says that he deleted all the contacts. He said that he waited the whole day for me to call and ask him to spend the day together. I jumped in a taxi and went to his place that same moment. He said that he wanted me to come but it was too late. Then he got extremely depressed and he told me that he quit his job because he had a nervous breakdown while he was waiting for me to call. By the end of the evening he was thanking me for coming. He said that he wants to be alone some time and I said that I'm going to call every now and then to ask him how he's doing. He said that if he is nervous he won't answer cause he doesn't want to do something he'll regret later. This morning he was nervous and he wrote blaming me for everything I have and haven't done. And all this happened in the last 3 days! This doesn't have anything to do with the illness! He has always been like this! I was glad that all was over and now I got myself in a new mess. How I'm waiting for him to calm down and think about us! Why did I allow this?

[farh]

Hey, I think I share the similar situation with you missplaced. But the worst part is, he's in overseas. I'm in singapore and he is in australia. I couldn't be there with him. We've been together for 6 years. He has been away for 1 year to further his studies there. Suddenly, he found out that he's condition has worsen. He can survive but with breathing machine at night, but we always argue just becoz of communication breakdown. I'm lost and confused. I don't know where will this relationship will get us to.

[farh]

I'm going tru the similar situation as you misplaced. But you are lucky because he is with you now. Me and him are wide apart. We are going tru long-distance relationship. And he is ill rite now. And I'm lost and don't know what to do.

[JudyKayTee]

If he is critically ill, possibly dying, isn't it a good idea for him to take a break from school and come "home?"

[farh]

He's not dying. But its just like a time bomb in him.. anything is possible to happen. He had the problem w his breathing and lungs that he needs to wear oxygen mask during sleeping time. If not, his oxygen level will go down and be a threat to his life. The prob is, he doesn't have much left to travel because he's managing his own accommodation and study there. Wats worse is that he has not much support from his family back in his hometown. So, emotionally, he is not receiving much love and support that he needs now other than myself. I'm here, always waiting for him to call me. But the distance doesn't seem to make the heart grows fonder, but it fondering actually begins to fade away slowly day by day.

[JudyKayTee]

The thread is entitled "my boyfriend might be dying." You posted that you are going through the same/similar thing.

Being sick and not getting the emotional support you need is NOT the same as being in danger of dying.

[JudyKayTee]

[QUOTE=farh disagrees : coz, when u have no emotional support, and get depression as a result, it might end up being in danger of dying too. recently, got to know that he's condition has worsen. i tot this page is to support each other n not critising one another. lost fait
[/QUOTE]



Puleeze - I don't know which is worse, your statement that your boyfriend is in danger of dying when he is not so that you can somehow "fit in" here or your rationalizing that no emotional support leads to depression which causes the "danger of dying, too."

It would also be helpful if two of your threads said the same thing - https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ss-456133.html

Better to say nothing and be thought to be foolish than open your mouth and remove all doubts.