Ask Experts Questions for FREE Help !
Ask
    Mac Lovin's Avatar
    Mac Lovin Posts: 35, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member
     
    #81

    Jan 23, 2009, 04:54 AM
    When partner wants own time?
    6 threads merged


    Does this mean they don't want to be in a serious relationship or just want own time for friends etc?
    neverme's Avatar
    neverme Posts: 1,430, Reputation: 270
    Ultra Member
     
    #82

    Jan 23, 2009, 05:02 AM

    Exactly what they said.

    Stop trying to read more into it. If this is what s/he said then this is what they want.

    Move on.
    Mac Lovin's Avatar
    Mac Lovin Posts: 35, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member
     
    #83

    Jan 23, 2009, 05:05 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by neverme View Post
    Exactly what they said.

    Stop trying to read more into it. If this is what s/he said then this is what they want.

    Move on.
    No see we are a couple but she says she needs her own time to do her own things.. meet friends etc...

    Is she backing off from me or what?
    liz28's Avatar
    liz28 Posts: 4,662, Reputation: 1034
    Ultra Member
     
    #84

    Jan 23, 2009, 05:06 AM

    It could mean that they need to have their own life outside of the relationship. It's healthy to have a life that includes hanging with friends and family instead of just being around your partner all the time, this is unhealthy. Relationship survive better when the relationship don't consume you and it's all you know.

    This doesn't mean he/she doesn't want to have something serious with you, it just means they need balance. And it not hard to balance friends and a boyfriend/girlfriend. It's healthy.

    But what exactly was said?
    neverme's Avatar
    neverme Posts: 1,430, Reputation: 270
    Ultra Member
     
    #85

    Jan 23, 2009, 05:11 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by Mac Lovin View Post
    No see we are a couple but she says she needs her own time to do her own things.. meet friends etc...

    Is she backing off from me or what?
    Only you can answer that. Or her.. you could ask her?

    Communication is key. Sit down with her and say look, I understand that you need time and that's grand but I need to know if this is all you need or do you want to be alone altogether.

    Be completely honest then you have every right to expect the same from her.
    Mac Lovin's Avatar
    Mac Lovin Posts: 35, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member
     
    #86

    Jan 23, 2009, 05:13 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by liz28 View Post
    It could mean that they need to have their own life outside of the relationship. It's healthy to have a life that includes hanging with friends and family instead of just being around your partner all the time, this is unhealthy. Relationship survive better when the relationship don't consume you and it's all you know.

    This doesn't mean he/she doesn't want to have something serious with you, it just means they need balance. And it not hard to balance friends and a boyfriend/girlfriend. It's healthy.

    But what exactly was said?
    Just that we were on a break which was stupid as we love each other very much, but while it was off she used to spend all her spare time with her girlie friends and she just said that just because we are back together that we can't just drop all our friends and be with each other 24/7...
    liz28's Avatar
    liz28 Posts: 4,662, Reputation: 1034
    Ultra Member
     
    #87

    Jan 23, 2009, 05:23 AM

    Well, she is right. She shouldn't have to drop her pals because the two of you are together. Do you have friends that you hang out with?

    Again, it's healthy for the two of you to have an outside source to hang out with. It's balance! You don't want to feel suffocate or let the you. Everyone needs time for themselve.
    neverme's Avatar
    neverme Posts: 1,430, Reputation: 270
    Ultra Member
     
    #88

    Jan 23, 2009, 05:24 AM

    She just needs to keep some independence. You will be happier with a partner that feels fulfilled in their life. This is a good thing, take it as such.
    Mac Lovin's Avatar
    Mac Lovin Posts: 35, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member
     
    #89

    Jan 23, 2009, 05:26 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by liz28 View Post
    Well, she is right. She shouldn't have to drop her pals because the two of you are together. Do you have friends that you hang out with?

    Again, it's healthy for the two of you to have an outside source to hang out with. It's balance! You don't want to feel suffocate or let the you. Everyone needs time for themselve.
    Thanks for your advice, I know this sounds childish but sometimes I feel left out when she goes hang with her friends instead of me.
    neverme's Avatar
    neverme Posts: 1,430, Reputation: 270
    Ultra Member
     
    #90

    Jan 23, 2009, 05:32 AM

    Don't validate those thoughts. She's not your carer she's your girlfriend. When you start to think things like that get up and do something fun for yourself.
    Fr_Chuck's Avatar
    Fr_Chuck Posts: 81,301, Reputation: 7692
    Expert
     
    #91

    Jan 23, 2009, 05:42 AM

    24/7, never, you should have friends, she should have friends, there are times when you and the guys hang, and times when she hangs with her friends some too.
    Mac Lovin's Avatar
    Mac Lovin Posts: 35, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member
     
    #92

    Jan 23, 2009, 05:42 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by neverme View Post
    Don't validate those thoughts. She's not your carer she's your girlfriend. When you start to think things like that get up and do something fun for yourself.
    Yeah I know but sometimes it feels like she only wants to meet whenever it suits her
    liz28's Avatar
    liz28 Posts: 4,662, Reputation: 1034
    Ultra Member
     
    #93

    Jan 23, 2009, 05:58 AM

    While she's hanging out with her friends than you should go hang up with yours.

    Don't feel needy or left out.
    neverme's Avatar
    neverme Posts: 1,430, Reputation: 270
    Ultra Member
     
    #94

    Jan 23, 2009, 08:04 AM

    This is going to sound really bad but I don't mean it that way: you need to get a life.

    It should be that you both have lives of your own, and then enjoy being around each other when its convenient, for BOTH of you.
    Mac Lovin's Avatar
    Mac Lovin Posts: 35, Reputation: 1
    Junior Member
     
    #95

    Jan 23, 2009, 08:11 AM
    Quote Originally Posted by neverme View Post
    This is going to sound really bad but I don't mean it that way: you need to get a life.

    It should be that you both have lives of your own, and then enjoy being around each other when its convenient, for BOTH of you.
    Too be honest I think you are right, I am my own worst enemy and I beat myself up over the little of things, part of the reason we broke up was I did not give her enough time...

    Now when I start giving her all the time she wants its like she don't want it, so what do I do?
    kctiger's Avatar
    kctiger Posts: 3,653, Reputation: 1319
    Ultra Member
     
    #96

    Jan 23, 2009, 08:14 AM

    Grow a pair! That is what you do. Quit letting this stuff ruin your relationship!

    The term "Man Up" has never applied so much as it does to you right now. Quit relying on her for you own happiness... you are an individual as well, remember that! You are making a big deal of NOTHING.

    Carry on... :cool:
    neverme's Avatar
    neverme Posts: 1,430, Reputation: 270
    Ultra Member
     
    #97

    Jan 23, 2009, 08:25 AM

    I am right and I'm glad you've said so :p

    No really though, go out and get yourself some other things to be doing.

    What are your interests?
    talaniman's Avatar
    talaniman Posts: 54,325, Reputation: 10855
    Expert
     
    #98

    Jan 23, 2009, 10:29 AM
    How about staying with one thread, and not starting new ones, for the same subject!

    Haven't you started to see that your responses are starting to repeat themselves?? Exactly what are you looking for here Mac??

    Its really simple, get a life of your own with out her, and stop making her your whole life.

    Your smothering her, and when she needs to breath, you wonder if she is interested in you.

    You are killing your own relationship.

Not your question? Ask your question View similar questions

 

Question Tools Search this Question
Search this Question:

Advanced Search

Add your answer here.


Check out some similar questions!

Why do men need space and time? [ 2 Answers ]

Me and my boyfriend broke up and he says he wants to work things out with me just he needs space and time cause there's a lot going on with his fammily so he has to be there for them, but he wants to work things out with me he said he's not sure when we will be back together cause he needs time and...

Time & space [ 2 Answers ]

Does time move relative to space?

Time and space? [ 4 Answers ]

I recently have been told by my girlfriend of 3+ years that she needs her time and space to "figure things out". Obviously this hit me like a ton of bricks and I resorted to the typical tactics that most guys resort to, grovel, tell her this is a bad idea, call, email, text her, send flowers. The...

He says he needs time and space [ 69 Answers ]

I am a single mom of 3 small kids. I have been seeing this guy (whose 27 I am 32)that works with me for about 3 months. Everything was going great we saw each other everyday now all of a sudden he says he needs time and space. Doesn't want me calling him or anything I am not sure what is going on....


View more questions Search