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singlemom611 · Jan 22, 2009, 10:45 AM

I am recently divorced and my ex was "dad" to my child since he was a toddler. Since the divorce, he will not pay any money toward him and my son, for his own reasons, does not want anything to do with him. Bio dad is in the picture, after I located him. He's thrilled that I found him and wants to be dad in every way possible. How do I tell my son that the dad he's known and won't have anything to do with now is stepdad and let him meet his bio dad?

justcurious55 · Jan 22, 2009, 03:04 PM

How old is your son?

450donn · Jan 22, 2009, 04:17 PM

Yup, first thing out of my mouth too.
If your son is 14-15 in that range it is fairly easy to tell him. If he is 6 or 7 that is a lot harder.

Synnen · Jan 22, 2009, 04:39 PM

THIS is why I don't understand why people don't explain to children the REAL relationship of the people around them from the very beginning.

You tell your son that while his stepdad loved him very much (though he's going to question that, since he won't have anything to do with him NOW), he wasn't your child's BIOLOGICAL father. That man is actually x, and he now wants to get to know you better.

singlemom611 · Jan 23, 2009, 07:13 AM

Originally Posted by justcurious55

how old is your son?

My son will be 15 in July. It seems he's either mad, disappointed or totally done with stepdad, or he knows that stepdad was the sole cause of our divorce and having to leave our house, etc. and he is hurt. Please reply.

singlemom611 · Jan 23, 2009, 07:14 AM

Originally Posted by 450donn

Yup, first thing out of my mouth too.
If your son is 14-15 in that range it is fairly easy to tell him. If he is 6 or 7 that is a lot harder.

My son will be 15 in July. He seems mad, disappointed or hurt my his stepdad and wants nothing to do with him. Stepdad was the sole cause of the divorce and all that has happened to my son and I since then, regarding leaving the house, etc.

Synnen · Jan 23, 2009, 07:41 AM

Maybe I have no clue as to things ARE or WERE, but somehow your son is being abandoned by a guy who he THOUGHT was his dad for 15 years--a guy, I might add, that either didn't want to adopt your son, or you didn't want him to.

Now you think that you can just pop out of nowhere with "hey--that guy isn't REALLY your dad, forget about him, here's your REAL dad"?

Come on! 15 is hard enough without that kind of crap!

If he had known from the beginning that the man he loved as his father wasn't his biological father, just someone who loved him, then you wouldn't be in the predicament of telling your son why you lied to him for 15 years, would you?

You don't want to know how to tell you son about his biological father. What you want to know is how to tell him without him getting mad at YOU for lying to him for his entire life about it.

Maybe I don't understand your SPECIFIC situation, but that's the situation I see over and over with women who are bitter at their child's biological father, fall in love, and marry--and then let their child believe that their stepparent is really their biological parent.

The OTHER side of the "no clue how things are and were" thing is this: you didn't give us any more information other than that you lied to your son and now the person he THOUGHT was his dad actually isn't, and you want to spring someone else on him without him getting upset.

Next time, try giving more information if you want answers that address "how things are and were".