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blackgirl1983 · Jan 17, 2009, 09:43 PM

O, so I dated this guy on and off for like 9 months. I even lost my virginity to him. At some point in the relationship, he just would insult me all the time. I dumped him. But we decided to be friends with benefits... we did that for awhile. Then we... well he told me he loved me... I told him the same... then he dumped me through text like a few weeks after that.
When this man needed me, I was there for him... it just seemed like when things would get serious, he would back out. He was always unhappy too which made for a bad relationship.

So why do I still need closure. I know I'm being silly but... what do I do to stop crying myself to sleep @ night? I'm going through super depression ova this

Fr_Chuck · Jan 17, 2009, 09:49 PM

you will not get it, you will only get more pain and hurt.

You seem you need more self value and self esteem.
first he insulted you all the time? And you stayed friends, and still had sex with him.

You were being used for sex till he found someone new,

time to move on and find someone that will respect you

411Help · Jan 17, 2009, 09:54 PM

Gee, what a scum bag.

Girl, you deserve so much better!
You got knocked down, but you know what? That's not the end of it! Stand up! And stand for what you believe in!

I know you know that you deserve better!

So, delete this loser from your life and find someone that will love, respect, and cherish you, like you deserve!

Nestorian · Jan 17, 2009, 09:56 PM

"So why do I still need closure?"-you

The reasons could be many, or one. Personally I'd see a counseler for it. They don't solve the issue for you, but they help guid you through it. Letting you deal with it, and learn from it. After all it's your life.
In this situation you need to feel appretiation, I was the same when my ex left me, I kept wanting to talk to her to tell her how I felt, but that wasn't fair of me to do to her. If you want maybe try talking to him, but it may be best to stay away, and find a way to get closure from with in.

It could be that you just need to let yourself know it's OK that it all happened, and that you still care about yourself. Try looking into it, it took me the better part of 3 years to figure that one out.

Learn to forgive yourself, then to love yourself, or both. Then it will become easier to forgive him.

Take care. Peace be with you.

blackgirl1983 · Jan 17, 2009, 09:57 PM

I agree with all that was said... thank you. It hurts to hear that but it's honest... I'm just not used to being so sad over a person.

411Help · Jan 17, 2009, 10:04 PM

Originally Posted by blackgirl1983

I agree with all that was aid...thank you. It hurts to hear that but it's honest...I'm just not used to being so sad over a person.

Trust me, you will never get use to it.

Life will throw challenges at you, the way you handle them defines you as a person.

MarkwithaK · Jan 17, 2009, 10:20 PM

I just don't get this. Maybe I did in the past but this "closure" nonsense is more often than not of no help what so ever and usually just causes more grief.

411Help · Jan 17, 2009, 10:30 PM

You don't need anything from this scum bag.

Give him exactly what he deserves, apathy.

talaniman · Jan 17, 2009, 11:01 PM

Whether he is sorry or not, you still have to move on. Not to be cruel, but you accepted his bad behavior, and still agreed with being friends with benefits, so the blame is not ALL his.

You could have made different choices for yourself. Not excusing him at all, but learn your lesson, and grow from it. Thats your closure.

MarkwithaK · Jan 17, 2009, 11:15 PM

Honestly what good is it going to do if this guy says that he is sorry? Will it fix anything? Will it erase any pain you are feeling? The answer to that is very simple. No.
Everybody wants a reason. Everybody wants to know why but in the long run we are usually better off not knowing. Learn from this on a personal level and then put it in your rear view.

Nestorian · Jan 18, 2009, 02:16 AM

Originally Posted by 411Help

You don't need anything from this scum bag.

Give him exactly what he deserves, apathy.

“Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.” - our little green master Yoda:)

Nestorian · Jan 18, 2009, 02:37 AM

This can heal in time, but you never know. If you let it fester inside it could consume you.

Try letting it out in small bits. Pick a time each day to listen to some sad songs, cuddle your pillow and just let it out. But limit yourself to like 5-10 min up to you. Then make sure you have a really happy song to go one after, Happy not any thing angery. I used pantera for it, bad idea. But get up, dance to the music, moove to the Rythme. Don't listen to the words of the song, just feel it. Then when you are ready sing the happiest loudest song you can, if you have a place for such. I used to take my Ipod and go walking early in the morn, away from houses, or at night (I do not recommend this for you. Unless you're a super hero, or a Jedi.) ;) Or try painting while listening to happy music, but paint happy things. Paint sad when you have sad on.

Ok, I'm rambling. Sorry about that. Oh, have you heard the song:

YouTube - sunscreen song

I hope that helps, peace and kindness be with you.

odilians10 · Jan 20, 2009, 08:38 AM

I was in the same situation not too long ago,and I wanted closure, and that closure was kind of an excuse for me to see him, and when you do he will not have a real reason why but the sex with him will continue, so he treats you how ever way he wants and still get sex from you. I couldn't move on until he gave me a real reason why, this took over 1yr and finally he told me and as soon as he did just like a snap of a finger, I let go instantly and moved on... my point is sometimes it makes it easier to close that chapter of our lives if we have a reason.