Will I ever get to the point to where she won't matter to me anymore... I still think about her often... thats pretty much about it though... but I want it to get to the point where if I see her, even if she is all dolled up and looking good it won't affect me at all... no butterflies, or nervousness just nothing... You know?
One thing that I am grateful for is that I don't beat myself up anymore... all the:
"I should of did this better"
"I should of did that more"
"If I wouldn't have said that, me and her would still be together"
"If I didn't allow the hurt and confusion and the frustration to boggle my mind then..."
I've stopped all of that because of the main fact that I am a good person, and she never made any action to try to work things out
Her mom told me a few months ago that
"When she broke up with me that the only reason she came to me was because everybody was telling her how wrong she was. She felt GUILTY, she didnt come back to me because she really wanted to...she didn't want that guilt to hang over her."
So she was basically just going through the motions... didn't apologized for anything, but she sured told me how wrong I was... you know?
I mean she didn't even sit back and evaluate the situation and think to herself:
"Hey Kevin must really be hurt and confused behind what I did to him emotionally"
Its like she didn't care... or if she did, she didn't show it...
And she didn't
LOVE me at all...