[mr confused]

But how much time do I give her?

I don't want to go completely off the radar. I was thinking maybe try to make some sort of contact around xmas time to see how things go. Nothing heavy, just try to see her as friends and have fun and if anything develops, so be it. Not trying to get my hopes up, but just salvage something, like a great friendship.

Thing is, the last time we saw each other, which was like 2 or 3 weeks ago, I said I wouldn't bother her again and the next step was hers if she ever wanted to make contact.

Sort of backed myself into a corner now...

[High Max]

You did, but I would recommend a month from the last time you've talked with her until you try again.

[mr confused]

You did, but I would recommend a month from the last time you've talked with her until you try again.

Cool. Does anyone else find it a complete headf*** when you see your ex posting stuff on facebook/myspace/bebo etc?

And I know I should just disconnect from that stuff for a while for my own sanity, but just can't do it... even though I know I'm just letting myself in for more punishment as Im going to be wondering what she is up to, how she is, etc...

[talaniman]

While I can understand your feelings, I question how your coping with them. Not very mature at all, as you know what to do now, but don't want to. That's crazy guy, and no good will come of it.

Cool. Does anyone else find it a complete headf*** when you see your ex posting stuff on facebook/myspace/bebo etc?

We all feel that way, thats exactly why we don't do it!!!!!

Who is to blame, when you let your mind play tricks on you?

[mr confused]

While I can understand your feelings, I question how your coping with them. Not very mature at all, as you know what to do now, but don't want to. Thats crazy guy, and no good will come of it.

We all feel that way, thats exactly why we don't do it!!!!!

Who is to blame, when you let your mind play tricks on you?

I agree. In the last month all rationality has gone straight out the window.

Its like being at the opposite sides of the spectrum. For as long as I can remember I couldn't care less if a girl I was seeing wasn't interested anymore. I was always the one walking away and moving on to the next. Never let anyone get that close because dating/relationships were just a game.

Even with my ex, she would always be on my case, calling, texting, emailing etc. Always be needy and clingy and want to see me. And she is the first one I let get that close.

Now its as if I don't exist and I feel as if someone has switched the lights out on my life. Again, I know it sounds immature and over-reaction etc, but I can't help it. Its not as if I like feeling like this.

Believe me, the first two weeks after we split I, some of the thoughts I had were scary as hell. I didn't ever think I could get like that over a girl.

[High Max]

I promise that you WILL start to feel better and be able to function on a daily basis, although it may be something that you think about a lot or still get depressed over.

I miss her each and everyday, and I regret everything I did to make her leave me, like you did with yours. It's been three months for me, as of today that she left. Read some of my posts if you want to see some desperation and scary thoughts as well. She was the first one I ever let get that close to me as well. I can't even tell you how many times that I broke down. Lets night I even shed a tear that she changed her number, most likely due to me calling her to tell her happy birthday. It's part of the healing process but if you can make it through the first few months you will make it.

[mr confused]

I promise that you WILL start to feel better and be able to function on a daily basis, although it may be something that you think about a lot or still get depressed over.

I miss her each and everyday, and I regret everything I did to make her leave me, like you did with yours. It's been three months for me, as of today that she left. Read some of my posts if you want to see some desperation and scary thoughts as well. She was the first one I ever let get that close to me as well. I can't even tell you how many times that I broke down. It's part of the healing process but if you can make it through the first few months you will make it.

Ive tried to pack my schedule as much as possible so I can get into new things, start thinking about myself and improving me as a person.

But that being said, she is always on my mind, no matter what I do.

What's your philosophy on all this as you seem to have gone through exactly what Im feeling now?

Have you completely given up any hope of reconciliation? What would you be like if you heard from her again?

Have you moved on to someone else?

I don't even know if I could do that. I got dragged out at the weekend with some friends and even though I was chatting to other girls in a few bars, I couldn't even feel any sort of attraction or ability to flirt or anything. Just kept thinking of my ex and what I wouldn't give to be with her.

[High Max]

Yeah, I do know. I met a few girls online and went out with at least 5 or 6 people after we broke up. I felt NOTHING for them, and was always thinking of her. I'd leave the date or they would, because I'd tell them "I'm sorry, I still love her" and they would be upset, understandably. Then I would proceed to cry, comparing how perfect she was and how these girls couldn't compare.

I am trying now to meet new people. I truly believe that if we can't move on and find someone new, that you are going to be stuck thinking about her, because you won't have anyone else to help you start to forget about her. So yes, it is important to get out there and try and date. I don't think so this soon, in your case. I did right away like a few days after, and felt so bad I almost puked, it felt like I was cheating on her even though we had broken up.

As for reconciliation, I tried hard. I went to extremes, I faked accidents to try and get her back I became so desperate. I gave one last try to get back in her life October 16th and wished her happy birthday over voicemail. My friend called her number yesterday, and the number had been changed. She is 5 hours away from me, and I don't know where she is.

All hope is truly lost for me now, this is my fate.

[mr confused]

Yeah, I do know. I met a few girls online and went out with atleast 5 or 6 people after we broke up. I felt NOTHING for them, and was always thinking of her. I'd leave the date or they would, because I'd tell them "I'm sorry, I still love her" and they would be upset, understandably. Then I would proceed to cry, comparing how perfect she was and how these girls couldnt compare.

I am trying now to meet new people. I truly believe that if we can't move on and find someone new, that you are going to be stuck thinking about her, because you wont have anyone else to help you start to forget about her. So yes, it is important to get out there and try and date. I don't think so this soon, in your case. I did right away like a few days after, and felt so bad I almost puked, it felt like I was cheating on her even though we had broken up.

As for reconciliation, I tried hard. I went to extremes, I faked accidents to try and get her back I became so desperate. I gave one last try to get back in her life October 16th and wished her happy birthday over voicemail. My friend called her number yesterday, and the number had been changed. She is 5 hours away from me, and I dont know where she is.

All hope is truly lost for me now, this is my fate.

Im so sorry to hear that dude.

I know what you mean on that almost puking thing. Even being out without her made me feel sick. And then there is the thought of her being with someone else that drives me crazy and makes me sick as well. I know that if/when I hear of her being with someone else Im going to be absolutely destroyed.

I just find it hard to accept some of her reasons though. She said she was scared that she became so dependent on me (all the time hearing from me that the chances of us being together permanently were slim) that she didn't know who she was anymore. That all she could think about was me and she hated herself because she knew it wouldn't ever work.

But I know now that I was just as dependent on her. I just thought I would have more time to make a choice between her and my family. Never in a million years did I think that once I had made that choice, she would say to me that she didn't want it anymore

I guess the only thing I can say is that we are still young and that if its meant to be, it will be. Just have to stop myself from ruining at least being friends with her, if its at all possible.

[High Max]

I wish I could at least have her as a friend. She was my lover AND best friend. Now I have lost both forever. It still hits me hard in the gut thinking that I will never see or hear from her again after how close we were. She was also very clingy like your girlfriend. She also got a new boyfriend about a month after the breakup, AND told me she didn't miss me at all. It killed me.

[mr confused]

I wish I could atleast have her as a friend. She was my lover AND best friend. Now I have lost both forever. It still hits me hard in the gut thinking that I will never see or hear from her again after how close we were. She was also very clingy like your girlfriend. She also got a new boyfriend about a month after the breakup, AND told me she didnt miss me at all. It killed me.

Holy sh*t , that would have floored me. I don't know what I would have done in that situation.

I wear my heart on my sleeve and when I heard my girl had seen her ex a few weeks after we split I was uncontrollable. Just totally filled with hatred. I was going crazy thinking of what I would do to this guy. But when I saw her last she said nothing happened and she was missing me like crazy and she was sorry but just didn't feel she was in love with me anymore.

I expect she will find someone soon or her ex will probably worm his way back with her, but that being said, my feelings towards her will never change. I could never hate her or think badly of her.

She seems to think that at the end of it all she failed me in some way, but the truth is it was me that failed her. And that is something I will always be sorry for.

But I will never stop loving her or give up on her. Let's just hope the pain subsides and I keep my sanity in the meantime.

[High Max]

I'm not so good at the whole "get your ex back" scenario, so I wish I could help since we are in similar situations. A good tip though, do not act angry or pissed off. Tell her you are very happy and doing new things, no matter what she says.

I wrecked all my bridges when we were being civil and got mad and cussed her out, etc. That's why she hates me.

[mr confused]

I'm not so good at the whole "get your ex back" scenario, so I wish I could help since we are in similar situations. A good tip though, do not act angry or pissed off. Tell her you are very happy and doing new things, no matter what she says.

I wrecked all my bridges when we were being civil and got mad and cussed her out, ect. Thats why she hates me.

Yeah I know, just need to stay away from her until the cloud of emotion has cleared. How long that will be, god knows...

Its funny though, the whole 'I love you but don't think I'm in love with you anymore' thing.

If, by what others have said, would have been something which built up in her over the last few months etc, then she should get an Oscar for her acting because I felt we were still as close in the last 6 months as we were over the 2 yrs. She was just as clingy and into me right up until we decided to take a break and even for days after. A few weeks before we split, on her suggestion we even booked/paid for a week away for us at some country getaway thing, and she telling me how much she wanted to be alone with me and couldn't wait for it just to be us and spend all our time in bed etc.

Then out of nowhere she said she couldn't go on like this.

Even when I saw her 2 weeks ago, I wasn't in any mood for being nice, I just wanted some answers, but as soon as she saw me she hugged me and broke down crying.

It just didn't seem like she isn't love with me despite her saying so straight to my face.

Its thoughts like this that drive me crazy. Maybe I'm just trying to read into something that isn't there. I don't know. Im just going to have to give it time I guess.

[mr confused]

After taking time to think and reading a lot of the threads on this forum over the last few weeks Ive decided it is time to make a change in myself for the better.

I know my ex is probably lost and there is zero chance of her coming back, but I whoever I meet next I don't want to feel this hurt again or make the same mistakes. I feel I have to confront my folks about this and tell them everything that happened and tell them I can't live like this anymore.

I want to tell them that I will go out with and marry anyone I chose, regardless of religion or colour. I don't agree with their views on only marrying within my race and see their attitude as racist and snobish.

I know it will crush them but I don't know if I can carry on like this. It will probably mean me having to move out and struggling on my own for a while, but I have a good job that pays well so should be OK.

Now I just need the balls to do it.

Has anyone had any experience with anything like this? Any tips on how to deal with it?

Im thinking just stay strong, don't back down and try not to get into an argument. (which is going to be difficult as both me and my dad have a bit of a temper)

This is also going to effect me financially as my family is quite wealthy and will probably cut me off.

But over the last two months since splitting with me ex, I have started to feel distant from them and resent them because I lost the someone that made me so happy, and it was because of their BS views.

I just can't get into this mess again.

I also broke NC last night. I removed my ex from my friends list from Facebook as it was getting a bit too much as I kept looking at her wall and stuff. I sent her a message saying I didn't want her to take it the wrong way and that it was a self preservation thing. I also told her that I was going to confront my family about this and make a change... not for her, but for me.

I wasn't looking for a reply from her, but just wanted her to know that she was never second-best in my heart to them.