[Czosie]

You guys are awesome though.. This is my plan of action.. Im going to REALLY limit my contact with her and let her contact me, I am not going to put myself out there for her and I am going to get my life together. I don't want to NOT call her as I don't want to completely eliminate conversation but maybe once or twice a week.. I just don't know HOW MUCH contact is acceptable, I want to do what's right. But I do see that I have to move on now.

[Chery]

Believe me, your son will benefit from a father that has his head together too.

You know what to do, and I wish you lots of luck.

Going to call it a day now, so talk to you later.

[Czosie]

Well I just got back from dinner, she gave me a HUGE hug when I got there because I picked up some pickles that she loves.. but um she asked me to get. Anyway we just talked about normal stuff, nothing too serious, her test and what not. She started asking me about girls, and if I was talking to anyone and stuff like that.. which I avoided.. when it was time to go she gave me a huge hug again and said she couldn't wait to talk tomorrow.. This is going to suck so badly

[TrueFaith]

LoL This is going to suck so badly!

Im sorry for laughing but the way you put that was so perfect.

Its just how us guys feel when we are put in the
FRIENDS ZONE


You do know the asking about girl part. Is so a way to say ohh I hope he has found someone else.. I mean you know how that feels when a girl you like asks you if you are talking to any girl

Its like No I'm here with you. You muppet!
Now 2 options here wait around and see if feelings come out. (Mehh)

I would personal leave as if I had as strong feelings for her as you do
My option is to save myself.
And being friends with someone you love.
Well there is nothing worst than that..

No need to be her girlfriend man
If she asks why
Say you want more and are just not in the same place as she is.

[Czosie]

ARg, I was afraid someone was going to say that... I was going to see about giving it time.. see if either she came around to trying again, or I came around to being OK with just being her friend
Whichever occurred first

[Czosie]

I really don't think I will be in friends zone forever.. I don't know why I can say this.. but I just really feel that once her test is done, I bet money she lets me in again.. she is just too stressed right now to deal with it with everything else..

[TrueFaith]

Well.
If she did have feelings for you. She would not let you go.. and would probable give you a little hint that after all her crazy tests are done. You guys can have fun

It seems to me she has given no such sign.

But! The best thing about humans is. You never know what there going to do!

So good luck :)

[Czosie]

I guess I don't know what you mean.. We are planning a trip to take her test together.. the end of November and staying the night down there.. We are going to go see a movie on Sunday together.. her idea... what do you mean?

[keg_kim]

Ok, I'm going to take a shot at this. Ok, first of all... the whole "friend" thing rarely ever works after you've dated someone. Girls will try this more often than guys will because, I'll tell you a little secret: if a girl is hanging around you after a supposed breakup, more than likely she's sticking around because she doesn't want you dating other people right then, but at the same time she wants to keep her options open as well or in her case she may to busy to know what she really wants relationship wise at the moment and wants you around just in case she changes her mind. Also, she's mad at you and she's showing it by saying " I just want to be friends". You hurt her badly and she knows you still want her. She's using this as an advantage to hurt you back. She knows from watching you that you only become super fond of her if she's unavailable. I mean, you didn't really take the relationship seriously when you did have her. She knows that and she's made herself unavailable to you emotionally by saying "I just want to be friends." She is feeling wanted right now because you are there at her beck and call... and that my friend lets her get what she is needing at the moment. I'm sure she has sincere feelings for you and she may not even realize that she's doing this... but I've seen it all before. She's told you to move on but she knows that you won't because you've already told her that you'll do anything to prove to her that you want to be with her.
Now I'm going to address you. Ok, what's wrong with relationships nowadays is that people have become addicted to passion. If someone ain't having a passionate moment or some kind of drama going on, they get bored. My theory on this is that we watch too many movies and people nowadays are seeking instant gratification no matter what the price. I think some people actually think that the ending of their drama is going to turn out to be a "happily ever after" situation no matter what happens. Obviously you haven't truly seen that yet, because you came on here hoping that someone would tell you that you have another chance with this girl. You are scared right now because reality may truly hit you this time that things may not turn out well. You have been addicted to relationships and you keep going from person to person because once the mundane hits you after being in a relationship for a while, you get bored and find a way to split in the form of lie or deception. I believe you do have sincere, genuine feelings for this girl, but because she is rejecting you... that makes you want to fight harder to get her back. Once you finally get her back and you've made all the passionate make-up sex that your bodies can handle, you have the long romantic dates, and you've spent all most every waking moment together... what happens then? Things start becoming normal. You come home from work and turn on the TV. You eat together and find nothing super exciting to talk about. You go to bed and the next day begins and ends the same way. There's no more big plans to make or big fights to work out. Will you be bored? Will she be bored? If you are bored and if she gets bored, did you really have what you thought was love in the first place or was the chase what fulfilled you for the short while? You've spent a lot of energy on women and relationships. Some people here are telling you to think about YOU right now and get YOU fixed. I think it will only make you more self centered. You have a son and there are many people in the world in need of good friends. Give yourself to those people. Let every thought you have be about someone who truly needs you right now. Keep going to a therapist but then do some charity work... spend time doing what your son likes to do. If you take the focus off you and what you want for a while, maybe you'll see simplistic beauty in the world. Take a break from thinking about what this girl needs so much and if she wants you, and put your pondering brain to good use in thinking about other people. Enjoy routine life... enjoy life without seeking the next thrill of emotional adrenaline rush. When you truly understand love, you'll realize it's not someone you have to win over. True love happens when you and the other person no longer need to earn anything from each other. You just simply enjoy the time spent together rather than taking that person for granted.

[Czosie]

Thank you for the answer, I appreciate it.. I really hope that I can regain her trust, gain her back and become myself over the next few months.. But first of all I hope to regain myself.. I hope that in the end everything works out

[Chery]

. You have a son and there are many people in the world in need of good friends. Give yourself to those people. Let every thought you have be about someone who truly needs you right now. Keep going to a therapist but then do some charity work...spend time doing what your son likes to do. If you take the focus off of you and what you want for a while, maybe you'll see simplistic beauty in the world. Take a break from thinking about what this girl needs so much and if she wants you, and put your pondering brain to good use in thinking about other people. Enjoy routine life...enjoy life without seeking the next thrill of emotional adrenaline rush. When you truly understand love, you'll realize it's not someone you have to win over. True love happens when you and the other person no longer need to earn anything from eachother. You just simply enjoy the time spent together rather than taking that person for granted.

I like the way you put this piece of 'reality' in your post. All of it was sincere and to the point.

[Chery]

You really need to work on yourself if you are so easy to jump into sadness again just because one poster said something negative.. Our advice is to help you along and decide for yourself, not take each word as gospel, for goodness sakes!

Look.. it's your life here and you know better than any one of us what you did and what you have to work on - and the possibilities for your future if you continue to have patience.

You also have some Quality Time to spend with your son, so that Adult in you has to take the upper hand, not the school boy in lust.

I'm glad that you finally notice that she does have a few things in her life to take care of and she is not as apt to loose her head as you are. Learn from that.

TrueFaith has forgotten the fact that you screwed up and she is giving you a chance to be a friend so she has not totally written you off as a blunderer. Think positive for goodness sakes, but don't think bedroom yet!

We admit that the percentages are low going from friendship to more, but it is possible in the long-run. It depends on the individuals involved and how they advance. Plus, that adult in you should know the difference between love and lust, and you are in the 'need lust' mode - don't deny it.

Now, go and do something fun with your son and have a good upcoming weekend!

[Czosie]

So Friday my son and I are going trick or treating! Woot, then my brother and a couple of buddies are going to a halloween party.. Saturday morning we are getting up and traveling about 6 hours to go to a octoberfest party, and then we are going to a great big sea concert. Going to be a blast.. And update on her and I, I have no intention of just texting her out of the blue, she can get a hold of me.. This morning she shot me a message on Facebook to tell Hi,
It appears I have left my phone at home today by accident. So don't think because I'm not texting you that I don't want to talk to you OK? Will talk as soon as I can.
See you.
:-)

Only problem is I DID need to get a hold of her so ic alled her office to ask her about the money she was going to xfer into my account. After we hung up she got on Facebook and said.. I just wanted to take an oppurtunity to say hi to you one more time, didn't want to miss that chance. Said that she was going to try to get on at lunch time and I should try to meet her there, and that she would call me as soon as she got home from work.. arg

[keg_kim]

Thank you for the answer, i appreciate it.. I really hope that i can regain her trust, gain her back and become myself over the next few months.. But first of all i hope to regain myself.. I hope that in the end everything works out

You say you want to regain her trust and regain yourself. A person is like a garden. However much work you put into a garden is going to be a big determining factor for how much your garden yields. You are standing by, watering the garden here and there, watching and waiting impatiently to get what you want without even thinking about pulling weeds and fertilizing. This is your life... You are doing what YOU think will help you get the results that you want without trying to do the things you KNOW that you have to do in order to be OK. How will you regain yourself if you are not putting healthy choices first in your life? Is it really healthy to think about getting this girl back right now when you are a mess? What do you mean "I hope I can become myself over the next few months."? Even in the midst of good people giving you advice, you are still trying to blow over what the real issues are. I do not think you came on here for advice. I think you just truly wanted someone to tell you that you have another chance with this girl. I don't think you ever truly wanted to have a revalation in your life or try to make change. You want to appear to be changing right now because you think it will yield the fastest results... getting this girl back. I can guarantee you that you will be in this position over and over again until you make necessary, lasting change. I know this because my husband and I almost lost our marriage over making short term changes versus long term changes. We'd act like we were making changes for a short while to get back into eachother's good graces, then when we felt comfortable with things going well again... we'd go and make the same idiotic mistakes all over again. True love takes sacrifice... no, not temporary sacrifice... long lasting, grueling, painful change. My friend, you have a long road ahead of you.

[Chery]

Only problem is i DID need to get a hold of her so ic alled her office to ask her about the money she was going to xfer into my account.

This is the first time you've mentioned that there is money involved. Care to tell us more about this, please. And, if there is anything else that you maybe forgot to mention, don't make me beg or draw it out piece by piece - I'm not one of the girls you have to conceal or lie to to look good.

I don't know how long my cancer will let me stay on this planet, but I certainly don't want to waste my time trying to help when I cannot see the 'whole picture'. And on this one, it seems the paint is not totally dry yet, first the son was added, and now the money OK -... out with it!

[keg_kim]

This is the first time you've mentioned that there is money involved. Care to tell us more about this, please. And, if there is anything else that you maybe forgot to mention, don't make me beg or draw it out piece by piece -

Yes, I agree with this. Why are you giving her money?

[Czosie]

Oh when I moved out of the apartment my bed was left there, she just bought my bed. She needed a bed.. so I sold it to her cheap.. that's all

[Czosie]

I guess I didn't think my son who doesn't live with me full time and her buying my bed from me was important info to the situation.. I'm sorry.. I bought the bed when her and I started dating, and I just couldn't keep it, it was too hard.. So I'm taking the money from the bed and going on that trip I described earlier.. as for my son he stays with me 2 nights a week and comes to supper 1 night week.

[keg_kim]

I guess i didn't think my son who doesn't live with me full time and her buying my bed from me was important info to the situation,

Your son is important in the situation... the bed thing isn't. It just sounded funny when you said you were waiting for her to transfer some money to your account. That's all.

[Czosie]

Ya, I'm sorry... I wasn't lying or holding out information on purpose..