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friend4u178 · Oct 19, 2008, 06:48 PM

I'm sure it sucks , but better you find out now what he's like rather than down the track when you've invested time in him.

starbuck8 · Oct 19, 2008, 07:05 PM

I'm sorry that you are hurts, but a guy that would do that wouldn't be worth the gum I scrape off the bottom of my shoe. What a loser! You deserve better. Set your standards higher, and go find someone that will treat you like you deserve to be treated. I know this feels really bad now, but later you will be thanking your lucky stars that you got rid of his nasty A$$.

lovelen · Oct 19, 2008, 07:09 PM

Haha I guess but I honestly think this was my fault because I was the one to initiate the cheating too. Like asking for kisses and things like that. So maybe if I never brought it up he wouldn't have even cheated on her. I feel guilty.. do you think I should help him get her back? Because I know he really cares about her. He told me from time to time that she was special to him and that they never fought and she made him happy &yes he treated me like but I still feel that if I really care, id do that for him at least since it was partially my fault that he cheated on her.

starbuck8 · Oct 19, 2008, 07:19 PM

No, don't do that. You have no reason to feel guilty. HE decided it was all right to cheat with you on her, and with her on you. That was his decision, and even though you were a part of this, let him own his own mistakes. Are you going for a little revenge here? If not, then don't let the other girl go through what you had to go through. If you want to help out, talk the other girl into not having anything to do with him. Then maybe he can get a taste of what he dished out.

lovelen · Oct 19, 2008, 07:23 PM

I was thinking about doing that but then again I think she would assume that I'm trying to get him back so id be lying and making things up so she won't go back to him.. and I think that if I tried to talk her out of going back to him, it would give her that challenge and make her want to get back with him even more.. she's like that.

starbuck8 · Oct 19, 2008, 07:26 PM

I would just leave it alone then. You owe neither of them any favours. Concentrate your energy on something else, and just stay out of it. If she decides to get back together with him, then he's her problem. ;)

friend4u178 · Oct 19, 2008, 07:42 PM

Originally Posted by starbuck8

I would just leave it alone then. You owe neither of them any favours. Concentrate your energy on something else, and just stay out of it. If she decides to get back together with him, then he's her problem. ;)

Had to spread the rep but this is exactly right!!

SimpleguyJoe · Oct 19, 2008, 10:16 PM

Get on with your life! This is not going to go anywhere leave this guy behind in the dust everything that has been said already is pretty much spot on. Get on with it and be done with it if you don't want to be controlled and toyed with.

Also this guy wants nothing to do with you so just respect his wishs and move on.

lovelen · Oct 20, 2008, 11:02 AM

Its so hard to just stay away from him. I hate this feeling.

kctiger · Oct 20, 2008, 11:52 AM

Lovelen, I know you are hurting and I know this is hard. I KNOW! We all do. You have got to just focus on yourself and let life take care of the rest. Why do we fall? So we can learn to pick ourselves up. You can do it... hell if I can I know you can! We are here for you!

wikedjuggalo · Oct 20, 2008, 12:07 PM

Originally Posted by lovelen

its so hard to just stay away from him. i hate this feeling.

Your doing good by hopping out of his back pocket. You have learned some very valuable lessons over the past few months just do not let them disappear in the back of your mind. Honestly I know it's been covered by why would you want to be around someone who dips in the behavior of cheating and lying?

P.S
It takes two to cheat so do not act like you're the only one at fault.

SimpleguyJoe · Oct 20, 2008, 12:34 PM

Everyone here does know it's hard, in fact it's one of the hardest things that you will ever have to do the first time around. Your heart does not want to let go of something that you have poured your soul and hard work into for so long. So you feel like absolute crap every time you think of this guy. Then wish how that things could just be back to the way they were, right?

If life were much closer to fantasy this would be a great way of thinking but its not. Statistically speaking almost no couples ever get back together it's around 5%. Also ill throw this in here "Because one thing that happens after a breakup is no self-evaluation is done. You have to figure out why the breakup occured and then figure out what you need to change and make it permanent." Us young people don't do this! At least not the majority.

Think of it like this the longer you stay close to this guy the longer and more painful this feeling will get so don't text him, talk to him through email, phone calls, delete his myspace, Facebook, etc, etc. All your doing is putting yourself through these feelings that will fade with time, but only if you cut him out of your life. If you don't your going to be living a sad pathetic life for as long as you want until you realize the truth. This guy will probably use you for sex and nothing else. He won't respect you on any kind of level and he will just guide you along like a dog on a leash giving you just enough hope to hang on for as long as you let him.

lovelen · Oct 20, 2008, 06:22 PM

I can already predict what is most likely to happen if I keep waiting because I've been in this stage so many times already.

After he gets back with his girl and feels secure hell start to open back up to me get close to me hang out with me cheat on her with me orr any other girl he meets and the cycle will just continue.

As of now he's saying what he always tells me when we get in a big fight "I don't love you anymore" "ill never come back to you again but maybe if you give me space"? Weird. Mmm what else "it was a mistake to come back to you I regret it" "I'm sorry for leading you on and giving you false hope" allalalalla

Same ol same ol. I just hope I can really resist it when the time comes!

friend4u178 · Oct 20, 2008, 06:34 PM

He just wants to keep you on a lead for when he wants you , he knows he can do that because you keep allowing it. Just remember that when he next tries.

starbuck8 · Oct 20, 2008, 06:49 PM

Originally Posted by lovelen

I can already predict what is most likely to happen if I keep waiting because I've been in this stage so many times already.

After he gets back with his girl and feels secure hell start to open back up to me get close to me hang out with me cheat on her with me orr any other girl he meets and the cycle will just continue.

As of now he's saying what he always tells me when we get in a big fight "I don't love you anymore" "ill never come back to you again but maybe if you give me space" ?? Weird. Mmm what else "it was a mistake to come back to you I regret it" "I'm sorry for leading you on and giving you false hope" allalalalla

Same ol same ol. I just hope I can really resist it when the time comes!

You CAN and SHOULD resist. This is not like closing your eyes and making a wish when blowing out your birthday candles and hoping they all go out. This is in your control. He can only treat you like a doormat, and spare sex toy if you let him. If you let him back into your life, that is all you will be, and then you are just a glutton for punishment. People do what works for them! No more and no less. This is working for him, so he's not going to stop it... you have to.

lovelen · Oct 21, 2008, 11:43 AM

Okay I'm trying! This sounds silly but last night was the first night in a whole month that I didn't call or text or try to contact him. And I still haven't right now! I'm hoping I can keep this up.

I don't know what it is that makes me relapse or makes me get extremely anxious and numb.. but I can be okay for a while and then all of a sudden I panic! And when I panic I get numb and anxious and I HAVE to talk to him! And I know I'm supposed to be busy but I have so much spare time and nothing to do! I don't know.. I'm just waiting and getting nervous because I know I'm going to panic soooon

starbuck8 · Oct 21, 2008, 11:51 AM

That's when you call a friend, or come here and talk to us. Unfortunately, I have to go right now. I'm taking my computer for servicing, so I probably won't be back until next week, but the others will be around I'm sure. Believe me, I know it's hard. I've been there more than once. The last time was excruciating, but I got through it. Hang in there. :)

talaniman · Oct 21, 2008, 11:56 AM

You could use a plan that uses that free time wisely, and doing something you enjoy.

Not to be harsh, but I don't buy the excuse to panic, and know its coming.

Then don't let it, by having something ready to do when you feel that way.

Other than that your completely normal, just need some coping skills.

Bonnie46 · Oct 21, 2008, 12:04 PM

Hi Lovelen,
Too much drama. I know you love him, I believe you. But you know and I know and the other bloggers know that he's using you and is hurting you emotionally.

He knows you'll answer his calls, meet him, email him, text him, etc. etc.

You are not the "other woman", you are not the "girlfriend", you are not a "fling", you are not the "first love". You are a person that he knows he can get sex from. Plain and simple.

He will tell you ANYTHING you want to hear, to get you into bed.

Forget the one-week crap. Try and not talk to him or see him or call him for one full year.

Relationships suck sometimes, and guys can be manipulative if they are only after sex. Drop this dude and run away.

Exert some self-confidence for God's sake! Don't give him the attention he's looking for - he's using it AGAINST you. If he was slapping you in the face physically, would you just stand there, or call him after one-week to come back and continue to slap you in the face? Don't be an enabler. Step up and get away from this loser. Please. For your dignity and pride.

Bonnie46 · Oct 21, 2008, 12:08 PM

It sucks that he was your first, and that you have SOOOOO much invested emotionally in him.

You really DO have the power though. The power to say no and walk away and not answer when he calls you. You hold ALL of the power. Drop him. You won't BELIEVE how fast he comes running back. And if you're smart, you WON'T take him.

This is a crappy time, and it hurts, but I promise you it WILL get better. It will make you stronger. Please please PLEASE let him go. It's in your best interest.