[zeizabella]

Our families are going to try to help with things for the baby and I can go live with my family but my BF would have no where to go. They aren't in a good situation themselves where they can help with the amunt of money needed for our rent though.

[JudyKayTee]

Our families are going to try to help with things for the baby and I can go live with my family but my BF would have no where to go. They arent in a good situation themselves where they can help with the amunt of money needed for our rent though.

Well, for the sake of your 2 year old and your unborn child, rather than living in a shelter perhaps your boyfriend will need to make some other arrangements (including living alone in a shelter) and you will need to go with your family.

[J_9]

I can't drive a stick. the only time I can go to the charities is when his mom takes me.

Let me also say that desperate times call for desperate measures. Learning how to drive a stick is an easy task.

[zeizabella]

::laughs a bit:: I s'pose you could say that learning a stick is an easy task compared to what else we are going through... Im just not comforatable with a stick because it takes a lot of extra concentration that I think I lack.

Ive made a post on craigs list, that was a good idea.

[liz28]

Great to hear that you posted on craigslist list and hopes someone will help and donated items.

Also you might want to try this agency to see if they can be of any assistance for your rent, it service your are.

Central Virginia Housing Coalition 
(540) 604-9943 

[Synnen]

Well, a cell phone is not necessary for day to day life, nor is internet/cable.

Sounds to me like you need to get some priorities straight.

Not to be rude--but if you were having financial difficulties, things like cable television and internet access should have been among the FIRST things to go.

Learn to cut costs. A LOT. You can still eat with food stamps and a job at McDonald's AND manage to keep a roof over your head, if you plan how you spend your money and STICK to that plan.

Learning to drive a stick, if that means your kids aren't living in a shelter and have a safe secure home--how could you NOT? Same with moving home until you get your feet under you again--even if that means not living with your boyfriend.

I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but frankly--you're not thinking about the big picture here. If you're going to lose your residence, you figure out something to try to make ends meet. You buy NOTHING that you don't NEED--including a cell phone and internet. A basic land line is about $15 a month. I've YET to see a cell phone plan that low, and the lowest internet/cable combination I've seen is about $80 a month.

As far as unemployment goes--well, I've been there. And it's not fun jumping through the hoops you have to jump through to get it. However, the unemployment office is GREAT at helping people find jobs--even if it's not the BEST job, it's better than NO job, right? Your boyfriend should be working, unless there is some injury involved. YOU should be working, especially if you have family that can help with your son. Even 4 hours a day working retail is better than no money coming in. What kind of issues are preventing your boyfriend from collecting unemployment? If he was laid off, then it shouldn't be an issue. If he was fired---well, there are some reasons for being fired that prevent you from collecting ANY unemployment. What is HE doing with his time? There are plenty of jobs out there, if you care more about making ends meet and feeding your kids than you do about liking your job--and a lot of crappy jobs (like working in a factory) don't require much more than stamina and willingness to work to get, and pay decently.

Look, I get that people sometimes fall on hard times, and that that's what charities are FOR. However, I have yet to hear what you've DONE to fix things, other than look for people to give you something for free. You have reasons you can't get a job, reasons there's no unemployment, stories about the things you're going to lose... well, guess what? If you can't provide for your kids, you may lose THEM. Isn't that worth moving home and being apart from your not-working boyfriend? And what about HIS family? Why aren't THEY helping?

I feel badly for you, but not so badly that I don't see things that you could be doing to improve your situation, that you're not doing.

[zeizabella]

Synnen-- Ive taken up the issue of getting a dead-end low income job with my BF and well, he just won't work at mcdonalds. Why? Because at that rate of pay it won't support us unless he's getting -alot- of overtime. He has flat feet so he can't stand all day. As for unemployment the complications are that he's basiclly too "lazy" to fight them on it because he worked through an employment agency during most of the length of his employment. I will admit that the cell phones aren't really a necesity but it does make things a lot easyer travel wise, and due to my ex-husband we can't get a land-line. I can't work myself because of pregnancy difficutlies and who would want to hire me with 10 weeks left anyway? I have looked into some home-based jobs but we've never been able to purchase the required things and really Ive yet to find one that I'd trust. And I am sorry for not including all of the details but its just excuses as to why I suck as a person, I have a lot of personal issues.

[JudyKayTee]

Synnen-- Ive taken up the issue of getting a dead-end low income job with my BF and well, he just wont work at mcdonalds. Why? Because at that rate of pay it wont support us unless hes getting -alot- of overtime. He has flat feet so he can't stand all day. As for unemployment the complications are that hes basiclly too "lazy" to fight them on it because he worked through an employment agency during most of the length of his employment. I will admit that the cell phones arent really a necesity but it does make things alot easyer travel wise, and due to my ex-husband we can't get a land-line. I can't work myself because of pregnancy difficutlies and who would want to hire me with 10 weeks left anyways? I have looked into some home-based jobs but weve never been able to purchase the required things and really Ive yet to find one that I'd trust. And I am sorry for not including all of the details but its just excuses as to why I suck as a person, I have alot of personal issues.

I find the "I suck as a person" following advice to be VERY passive/aggressive and, quite frankly, rather insulting.

That being said - I'm sorry about his flat feet. I fail to see how no employment at all is better than the low hourly paid by McDonald's. In fact, I very much fail to see that logic.

You chose this man to father your child; you are staying with him; apparently the three of you - and soon there will be a fourth - living in a shelter is preferable to you living with your family and him living in a shelter.

He is too "lazy" (or whatever his problem is) to support you and/or your "expected" child, too lazy to pursue Unemployment benefits? And why can he no longer legally drive?

Do you receive child support for your other child? If not then it's time to file. I also fail to see how your "ex's" presumably unpaid telephone bill is affecting your ability to get a phone.

In fact, the more you explain the less I understand! Maybe you want to live in a shelter. I get the feeling that you have a really good shot at losing custody of your newborn and very possibly your older child.

Meanwhile taxpayers and everybody else are paying for whatever benefits you do get.

[liz28]

I have to agree with Synn and Judy. In this tough times your facing anything would help. I worked at McDonald when I was younger, I didn't like it but I needed the money. I have flat feet and I did it. At my current job I be on my feet a lot but I wear the gelin for your shoe and it helps and it's recommended for people with flat feet.

Your boyfriend has to do any job he can get especially since your pregnant. Whatever job he gets, even if it's fast food, it will be temporary until he gets something permanent and you could try outside resources.

[J_9]

All I have read so far is a bunch of excuses. A cell phone is not a necessity, nor is the internet as the others have said.

Another excuse is why you can't learn to drive a stick shift. You prefer to rely on others to help you rather than help yourself.

You chose a man who, by your words "lazy." If he is too lazy to file for unemployment, then he is too lazy to be a father. Flat feet huh? Well, I know plenty of people with flat feet who DO stand on their feet all day every day to put food in their childrens' mouths.

Look, you can't afford this baby and you know it. Rarely am I a strong advocate for adoption, even though my husband's entire family was adopted, but I do believe this is a solid case for adoption. It is the UNSELFISH woman who chooses to give her child a better life than what she can offer. It is the SELFISH woman who decides to keep her baby even when she does not have a clue as to how she will feed or clothe it.

[Synnen]

Synnen-- Ive taken up the issue of getting a dead-end low income job with my BF and well, he just wont work at mcdonalds. Why? Because at that rate of pay it wont support us unless hes getting -alot- of overtime. He has flat feet so he can't stand all day.

If you're collecting food stamps, and child support--and you STILL can't make ends meet, then you're either not cutting unnecessary costs (like the internet) or you're living beyond what you can afford. Maybe a cheaper and not-so-nice apartment, or learning the bus routes in your city so you can cut costs on gas and insurance for your car, or making SURE you that everything you buy is something you NEED, not something you WANT. I've worked at McDonald's--they're accommodating to disabilities, to a point. He HAS had a doctor diagnose his flat feet, right? If that's the case, and it's a diagnosed disability, then people can't refuse to hire him for it, and must make SOME accommodation for it. On top of that, McDonald's has very good benefits--which he'll need for when the state starts making him pay child support because you're collecting a form of Welfare.

As for unemployment the complications are that hes basiclly too "lazy" to fight them on it because he worked through an employment agency during most of the length of his employment.

Believe me, I know how hard it is to collect unemployment when you've been workign for a temp/employment agency. He also needs to know that if he puts the work into it, and meets with people IN the Unemployment office, and keeps trying--well, if he qualifies, then he'll probably receive it. However---if he's too lazy to fight them, and doesn't have a job--what the hell is he doing all day? Also, the Unemployment office is not just for collecting unemployment benefits. It's also a great resource for learning new skills, getting training to move to a different type of work, and networking to find jobs.

I will admit that the cell phones arent really a necesity but it does make things alot easyer travel wise, and due to my ex-husband we can't get a land-line.

Why not? Is he stalking you? Threatening you? If so, then file a police report, and while you're at it, make sure to start hitting him for any child support owed. Obviously, you need it now, and frankly, I'm surprised the state isn't getting him for it if you qualify for any kind of Welfare.

I can't work myself because of pregnancy difficutlies and who would want to hire me with 10 weeks left anyways? I have looked into some home-based jobs but weve never been able to purchase the required things and really Ive yet to find one that I'd trust.

I am sorry about the pregnancy difficulties--that must make it all the harder. Out of curiosity, what kind of work did you do BEFORE the complications with pregnancy? If it was an office job, then maybe they have some part time stuff you can help out with a couple days a week. As far as only having 10 weeks left--there are PLENTY of places looking for holiday help, and not all of it is retail. Many of those places would be relieved to know they wouldn't have to worry about you hoping to stay on after the birth.

And I am sorry for not including all of the details but its just excuses as to why I suck as a person, I have alot of personal issues.

I'm not sure if this is a dig at me, or a dig at yourself. I'd actually RATHER have you angry with me and throwing passive aggressive statements like that out there, than have you truly believe what you're saying about yourself.

Look--I'm just pointing out that there are a LOT of things you can do, little things, to make it so ends meet. I've been there, though without kids. I know what it's like to wonder if today is the day the electricity gets turned off, or if you'll have enough to eat this week after paying all the bills. But you have to learn to PLAN with your money, whatever little of it you have. I don't understand how you got that far behind on rent and didn't expect an eviction notice. I don't understand how you haven't called the people to whom you owe money and explained to them, and asked if there was a way to work with them through this hard time. A lot of companies ARE willing to help out, short term, by lowering your minimum payment and such. But---you have to come clean to them, and you have to work within their framework for such things. It's a lot of work, and it's sometimes embarrassing and humiliating to put that much of your personal life out there to strangers--strangers that you owe money to--but most people and companies aren't out to get you. They need to make THEIR ends meet too! But they'll usually work WITH you if you tell them what's going on, and what you're trying to do to fix it. You're not working--you have time to call them during normal business hours.

Oh... and that extra concentration for driving a stick? I think it actually makes for better drivers, more aware of their vehicle, their actions, and the other drivers around them. It's not a hard skill to learn, and wouldn't it be worth it, if it would help in OTHER areas of your life?

[Synnen]

And Zeizabella---if you can't even get on the internet because your boyfriend is a gamer--that explains why you still HAVE internet in the middle of an eviction. (I read your other posts).

Pull the plug. Seriously. He needs to be finding a JOB, not gaming.

Sounds to me like you both have serious problems with priorities here.

[ScottGem]

I thought this when I read the first note and everything I've read since has just reinforced it. We have two somewhat irresponsible young people. I'm wondering why they are having the second baby in the first place.

[JudyKayTee]

I thought this when I read the first note and everything I've read since has just reinforced it. We have two somewhat irresponsible young people. I'm wondering why they are having the second baby in the first place.

Because they are both home all day with nothing else to do and a lot of time on their hands.

[zeizabella]

You are all very insulting. You fail to see that I do realise that I have dug myself into a deep hole, and I am sorry that you take offence to myself expressing how depressed I am and trying to find a way out. You didn't take the time to consider "why" I am receiving disabillaty and therefore I do not owe you any further explanation on my condition. You are offencive and now thusly interfearing with the target point. The state will -never- take my children, if they were worried -alot- of people in my position would be losing their kids. Thanks for nothing and wasting your time.

None of you have the right to judge me so harshly. Either you have something worthy of inputting or don't say it. I don't need further frustrations right now just because we do not meet your standards of living. Troll? I think not. -.-

[JudyKayTee]

You are all very insulting. You fail to see that I do realise that I have dug myself into a deep hole, and I am sorry that you take offence to myself expressing how depressed I am and trying to find a way out. You didnt take the time to concider "why" I am recieving disabillaty and therefore I do not owe you any further explanation on my condition. You are offencive and now thusly interfearing with the target point. The state will -never- take my children, if they were worried -alot- of people in my possition would be loosing their kids. Thanks for nothing and wasting your time.

None of you have the right to judge me so harshly. Either you have something worthy of inputting or dont say it. I dont need further frustrations right now just because we do not meet your standards of living. Troll? I think not. -.-

Here's the problem - you are the one who opened this thread, who started this conversation, who gave excuse after excuse, who gave explanations which simply don't fly with the many of us who get up and go to work every day, who have husbands and boyfriends who get up and go to work every day, who do without cable or cell phones or the internet (on occasion), who have put themselves through school, who work and raise families, who have worked two jobs, who have worked pregnant and sick, who have been underemployed because we needed the money.

I don't think anyone much cares what YOUR condition is - you get food stamps, medicare and medicaid (according to you) AND disability. Meanwhile your boyfriend sits (because he apparently can't stand on his flat feet) around the house and watches you rake it in and he can't get off his butt to wander on over to the Unemployment Office and collect. For whatever reason he also can't drive right now so who knows what that's all about.

Do you know why most of us don't have two children in 2 years? Because we can't afford all that goes with that - emotionally and financially. I'm not sure you can either.

I would not be so sure that if you end up in a shelter the State won't "take" your kids.

[Synnen]

I wasn't trying to be insulting, though frankly, I'm pretty offended by the fact that you've snapped back when I was trying to help you.

All you've done here is say "I can't!". Well, with that attitude, of course you can't!

Even then Little Engine "Could".

Look, I have never had kids to worry about, and that's a different topic entirely, but the rest of it? I've BEEN there. I've lived paycheck to paycheck. I've had a bum of a boyfriend that played games all day instead of getting off his rear end and getting a job. I've wondered whether rent was going to get paid, or whether I'd be eating that week.

The difference between you and I is two things: First, I didn't have family I could go to without traveling across the country, which none of us could afford. And second, I didn't have kids, and therefore didn't qualify for food stamps.

I went hungry. I had no TV, no cable, no computer, no internet, no long distance on my land line phone, and no cell phone to make up for it. I had a roof over my head, and that's IT, most of the time. And the reason I had that was because rent got paid before ANYTHING else did. I would have my electric shut off every few months because I couldn't make the payments. Same with my phone. I went hungry, making a bowl of Ramen Noodles my one and only meal some days.

And honey... I placed my child for adoption rather than try to add one more worry, one more stress, and one more wonder how I was going to manage. No matter HOW I worked out the finances, even with food stamps, I couldn't afford a baby. It tore my heart apart, too. It still does, 17 years later.

So please---don't act like I don't understand what you're going through. I understand all too well what you're going through. The difference between you and me, though, is that I never even had the OPTION for welfare, and I never found a charity that was willing to help a young, childless woman. Most of the time, the response was, "Get another job!"

What it comes down to, though, is that those of us who HAVE worked a couple jobs, and starved and taken jobs beneath us and basically didn't have anything going for us---the difference between us and you is that we never lost our willingness to keep TRYING.

Either way--I've tried to help. I pointed out things that you could do, the things your boyfriend could do, ways to learn to make ends meet. You reacted as though I was taking away your basic liberties, rather than privileges you can't afford right now. No one has the RIGHT to a cell phone. No one has the RIGHT to cable TV.

So---get off your high horse, lady, and get your priorities straight.

[Fr_Chuck]

Sorry, he does not want to work, be honest, people who are not willing to help yourself normally don't need help. Here is the issue, you have a dead beat boyfriend who won't help,
He could be a janitor or out doing day labor or working at Mcdonalds.

Any man who is not willing to do any job for his family is not much of a man, at least in my book.