[bluediamond]

Hey All, I've made some other posts before in which some of you have graciously answered and I appreciate that. The problem that I have is that when I was with my girlfriend for 4 years, my friends kind of went to the backburner and slowly disappeared as I was giving my girlfriend my all attention. Now I only have 1 friend that I hang out with, and when he's busy, I am bored, I obsess about what my girlfriend is doing, what's going on in her life etc because I have too much time on my hands. We both started going to AA but I go on my side of town not hers as seeing her would be hard. When I get bored, I drink myself to sleep as there is nothing to do... everyone says get out have fun, but How? AA only takes 2 hours of the day, I work out everyday and that takes 45mins. On the other hand, she has PLENTY of friends so I'm sure she keeps busy. I just don't know what to do, I don't have a support system and I heard that is very important to have.

Please help me any way you guys can, and if this situation was answered in another thread, please send me the link.


I do believe you can make friends, but it just doesn't happen that quickly where I could hang out with them. I'm bored now, and constantly think about her because I'm done with all my activities for the day

[Bural21]

You could take a class at a local college, try to rekindle old relationships with friends, surround yourself with your family, maybe try and hang out with fellow AA members and build a support system, and so on. When I got dumped I spiraled down into a massive depression spell because like you, I focused mainly on the relationship. I am now realizing that wasn't smart, and I'm trying to rekindle all my old friendships. All is going well so far. I wish you luck!

[Wondergirl]

You go to AA and yet you drink yourself to sleep? What am I missing here?

Volunteer somewhere -- nursing home, hospital, animal shelter, library, church, equestrian center, home for the disabled. In other words, get outside yourself and do something for others to benefit their lives. All of those places need and want your help. Go to programs at the library, take a class at the local community college or nature center or zoo, join a church/community choir or support group, join the local historical society.

If none of those appeal to you or you want more ideas, visit the library and talk to a reference librarian who will have lists of possibilities for your area.

[bluediamond]

I will try joining maybe a fitness class. I need something that will occupy my time 24 hours a day so I won't have to worry or think about her. Maybe I will get a second job after I get off my first one

[redwee74]

Blue, just find something you was interested in or that peaks your interest now. I was in the same boat. I moved away from all of my friends and had to make new ones. But still none close enough to talk to about something this personal. I began a new hobby bonsai not the greatest but keeps me busy with research and then there is college. Just find something that interests you and build from there. You will make friends. It is hard and lonely but it will work out. No matter how bad you think it is there is always someone going through worse. Keep your head up and good luck.

[h0llister]

Tell your old friends, you are sorry what you did to them and miss them, and you never realized how loyal they were to you and you want to renew the friendships (im sure if they care they will understand) just make sure if you get in a new relationship ,you don't do it again to them

[bluediamond]

I really appreciate all of your input, and will try my best to get a support system in place as I know that is important

[MsJulia]

Friends can be busy at times (nothing personal). Try going to the gym (which is a good way of dealing with a break up... it builds seritonin).

Good luck!

[JBeaucaire]

The volunteering thing is an awesome suggestion for that second job. Even if you have to do it for free, a GREAT way to fill your free time is finding ways to serve others. It gets your mind off yourself and your issues. This is probably the most important thing you can add to your life... service.

[talaniman]

You go to AA and yet you drink yourself to sleep? What am I missing here? -by Wondergirl

I have the same concern, and would like some clarity. If this is true, your not working on yourself, and need more than 2 hours at a meeting. Maybe 30 meetings, in 30 days is what you need at this time.

That would address your support system needs, and put you in a situation to learn the right ways to build a life that you can enjoy.

[hjpan]

Move out of the city and go live somewhere else.

Start a new life.

[Fredj88]

I was am was in the same situation as you dumped all my friends for my ex, now I'm all Alone and it sucks. What's worse I have no confidence or what to say to a girl gAaa