[csg]

My 2.5yr child is crying all the all the time. The moment something goes against her will she cries rather she yells. Her yelling can prolong as long as 2 hrs at a stretch. Me and my husband can't talk with each other or be on phone or do our work or watch TV. WE HAVE TO PLAT WITH HER. Or else she would start to throw a big tantrum and yell for hrs together with big big tears. I sometimes find it difficult to understand if she is genuinely hurt or is she just crying for the heck of it. I can't take her to a park, as she wants me to play with her - she does not play with herself, and expects that I do not talk with any of my friends if I meet them on way. If I talk she embarasses me by yelling at the top of her lungs (she can yell louder than a dinausaur). I am so concerned my neighbours might complain of noise (day and night). Please please please help me. I will have a nervous breakdown.
:(

[sylvan_1998]

This child is playing you... yes even at 2 years old. I am also a victim of this. And yes it can be reversed.

To get the child to play by themselves, they must learn how. Find a toy that they can entertain themselves with. Tinkertoys or legos. At first play with the child with the toys for 20 minutes and show them how they work 2 or three times. Next, play with the toys by yourself while the child plays or watches. Tell them you are playing by yourself and they can play too, but over there (repeat 2 or 3 times). Next tell the child to play with the toys while you are there reading a book. Soon, they will play by themselves.

My child would throw big old honking tantrums when it was time for a time out. So much so that they over powered the infraction that was the cause of the time out. With some advice from a family therapist and some encouragement, (I was told he needed to learn to self soothe) 2hours of screaming and we finished a time out. The next time out only took 10 minutes and now he takes his time outs pretty well.

So, at first you may have to reassure her that she is too play by herself and reward her when she is successful. Teach her to play by herself by example. I hope this helps!

[isabelle]

What ever you decide to do.. stick with it. The worst thing you can do is give in. As the above poster stated the chld can learn to self soothe and they will, when they get tired of crying, however long that takes.

[jaime90]

Sounds like your child needs to learn to entertain herself. I don't have any kids as I'm only 18, but I have 3 younger brothers, I'm a certified babysitter, and my mom does daycare, so I know quite a lot about little kids.

My middle brother needs constant attention, he always needs someone or something to entertain him. My youngest brother can entertain himself for hours.

Once you get this youngster interested in something, walk away, or standby, but don't "play" with her, let her play by herself in your presence for a little while and see what happens.

Don't spoil her, let her know that the world doesn't revolve around her, that sometimes you have other things to do.

When it's time to play with her, give her positive attention. Kids who can't get positive attention, will throw a fit in order to get negative attention.

Throwing a tantrum is her way of begging for more attention. If she throws a tantrum, the best thing to do, is to let her cool down by herself, she can't put on a show if she doesn't have an audience.

Put her in her room, or pay her no attention until she decides she wants to stop crying.

[Fr_Chuck]

The child needs to be left to cry it out, every time you give in the child's win and wants to win again and again.

[DoulaLC]

Does she get much chance to interact with other children her age?

[Nestorian]

The child needs to be left to cry it out, everytime you give in the childs win and wants to win again and again.

I'd try to stay away from the idea that it is a contest, winnig or losing, which it very well is to a point; it takes too much energy from you both to compeat for power, as dumb as it sounds, you always have control and never loose it.(no anger, no worries.) There is a better way to look at it though. Try to think of it as a desire to fulfill her needs when she screams. According to Glassier, not sure what the rest of his name is, there are five needs:

1) survival
2) belonging
3) power/ significants
4) Freedom/ responsibility
5) Fun

As you may notice, any number of those comes into play. For example:

THe need for FUN is lackin when she feels there is not someone there to give extra stimulation, our brains like to learn and when they get bord so do we. Thus we seek out new experiences, etc.

Then the need for FREEDOME, well she isn't very aware of that so she may need some introducing to the idea of the freedom to find her own stimulations.

The need for POWER comes in when she doesn't get what she wants, but just try to show her that she has power still, the power of her own self consiousness. (by self consiousness I mean she is capable of realising she is bord, now she just needs to get used to the idea that she can find other stimulating things to do. I'm not talking about the feelings of incapabilities.)

Finnally, The sense of BELONGING, or as Maslow puts it; LOVE, may be affecting her when she suddenly realises that she is alone. She is uncomfortable and scarred, Thus wants her "MOther" (you) to make it better; but try to let her get over it, and realise there is nothing to be afraid of, it's not a bad thing to be alone. Be as encouraging as you can, a reasure her after she has done something good or right.

SO lets say you finnaly get her to play by her self, even for a few minutes, as long as she hasn't cried, go over give her a hug, but besure that you keep prolonging it. The first time, go for a few minutes even, then give her a reasureing hug, provided she has not cried or yelled. The next time go a little longer, until you're up to an hour, then simply let it be at that. Start slow, and ease her in. And be consistent.

THe hugs are rewards, but a small candy can work too, and you don't have to stop letting her play on her own after the hug, but remember, she may want to cling to you, and that maybe fine, but try not to pay as much attention to her when she gets clingy. I mean if she gets self destructive like throwing herself on the flour you have to do somehting like put a pillow down or what ever you feel is necissary.

I suggest you look up Applied Behaviour Analysis, or A.B.A. and Shaping. (sorry if I spelled that wrong.)

Good luck.

[starfirefly]

Try time outs, if she crys the whole time let her cry, she knows that you will always givein so she does it over and over, just ignore her show her that what she's doing is not going to help her get her way