[NorthernNiceGuy]

Hey everyone, thanks for the advice... I sent her a message and got a reply. She was very happy I sent her one, because she was thinking about it too but for the same reasons I was thinking didn't. So there you go, never know what will happen until you try. Guess we'll see where all this goes. It's the first time I have been genuinely excited about a girl since my break-up. :)

[brkfstatiffs]

Hey everyone, just a quick question for you...

About a week ago I was supposed to be set up with this girl at a local pub. Now I didn't know I was supposed to be, my friends told me the next day after we didn't make it there in time. Anyways it got me interested so I asked who it was and they told me and I didn't know her. I was told a lot about her though and she seems like quite the girl, so I am pretty excited to meet her. And I heard through my friends girlfriend that they gave her a tour of my facebook and told her about me and she acted very interested... Problem though, the opportunity to meet again is pretty bleak. She rarely ever hangs out with my friend girlfriend and doesn't go out to bars very much. (which to me is a good quality)

Anyways here's the question... If i sent her a simple facebook message just saying hi and who I was would that be bad. There is just really no other way for me to get in contact with her... Its seems pretty highschool I know but I really don't think I have any other options... For myself, if I had interest in someone and they did that I would be happy they did, but I guess I want some other opinions... And I even think that making a bit of contact through the internet might help when it comes to meeting in real life.

Thanks for the answers.

-NNG

Don't contact her through Facebook, that's so inmature. If anything write her and ask for her email or better yet, #... because you would like to talk to her but don't want to do it through Facebook.

[brkfstatiffs]

hey everyone, thanks for the advice... I sent her a message and got a reply. She was very happy I sent her one, because she was thinking about it too but for the same reasons I was thinking didn't. So there you go, never know what will happen until you try. Guess we'll see where all this goes. It's the first time I have been genuinely excited about a girl since my break-up. :)

Okay great! She's obviously interested, but come on be a man - get her #!

[NorthernNiceGuy]

okay great! She's obviously interested, but come on be a man - get her # !!

Haha, well that is where I took it... But I didn't even have that to begin with. Hopefully I will be seeing her this weekend, she seems very interested.

But I thought about it, I don't see how receiving a Facebook message could really go bad.. and if it was such a huge deal to the girl that it totally turned her off than I don't think she would be someone I would be interested in anyway...

[bigbird213]

Keep us updated - sounds like it could be good for you... I'm interested to see how it plays out :p

[brkfstatiffs]

haha, well that is where I took it... But I didn't even have that to begin with. Hopefully I will be seeing her this weekend, she seems very interested.

But I thought about it, I don't see how receiving a facebook message could really go bad.. and if it was such a huge deal to the girl that it totally turned her off than I don't think she would be someone I would be interested in anyways....

I was just saying what I was saying, because I'm a big fan of guys calling if they are interested. In this case you didn't have any other way to initially contact her so that message was okay. But going forward call her... dont resort to Facebook or text. Personally, a guy won't get into my head through Facebook or texts, he gets into my headspace by calling and showing interest. Women love it when a guy calls :-) Especially when they are interested in him. It makes them feel good, and has a better feeling then a message or text. Those to me show laziness haha

[plonak]

NNG!!

Yey! I'm happy for you! Good luck! And there is nothing wrong with doing it on Facebook..

Ah, there is life outside of our exes huh? I have a new boyfriend now that's the polar opposite of my ex and it's such a great thing!!

Keep us updated!

[NorthernNiceGuy]

Thanks plonak!

We are getting together Friday, so I will keep you updated. Congrats to you as well!!

[NorthernNiceGuy]

Well things seem to be going really really good. We did a dinner and a movie Friday. Met up with some friends at a local pub, went awesome. Then took her on a hike today, went even better... My friend's girlfriend talked to her while I was getting her a drink and apparently she is really excited and likes me... haha the joy's of dating, I feel like I am in high school again.

There is however a problem... well not really a problem but something I would like some advice on. Now I have found out through people that she really hasn't dated anyone. And I mean hasn't had a boyfriend before and she's 22. There is nothing wrong with it to me and I actually like the fact that I have an opportunity with a beautiful, intelligent, kind, independent woman that has no baggage.

I can just tell that she doesn't really know how to go about things, and that she does feel nervous and lost when I kind of show my interest in her. I was just wondering if anybody had some advise on how to go about all this. I know I am going to have to take it slow and that's fine. But should I discuss things with her to make her feel more comfortable or just go with the flow... haha it actually makes me nervous to make a move, but I know if I don't she never will. Any advice on this would be very helpful.

Thanks Guys.

[h0llister]

I remember when I first dated, Just take things slow and do a lot of stuff together, she is going to need to trust you a lot. I think this is amazing for you. I don't think they is too much advice I can give because I don't know her or you. But don't force her into anything ( I don't believe you will but that's alll I can think of that would ruin it) Have fun though! :)

[NorthernNiceGuy]

Well things seem to be going really really good. We did a dinner and a movie Friday. Met up with some friends at a local pub, went awesome. Then took her on a hike today, went even better.... My friend's girlfriend talked to her while I was getting her a drink and apparently she is really excited and likes me... haha the joy's of dating, I feel like I am in high school again.

There is however a problem... well not really a problem but something I would like some advice on. Now I have found out through people that she really hasn't dated anyone. And I mean hasn't had a bf before and shes 22. There is nothing wrong with it to me and I actually like the fact that I have an opportunity with a beautiful, intelligent, kind, independent woman that has no baggage.

I can just tell that she doesn't really know how to go about things, and that she does feel nervous and lost when I kinda show my interest in her. I was just wondering if anybody had some advise on how to go about all this. I know I am going to have to take it slow and that's fine. But should I discuss things with her to make her feel more comfortable or just go with the flow.... haha it actually makes me nervous to make a move, but I know if I don't she never will. Any advice on this would be very helpful.

Thanks Guys.

Things have progressed a little since that... need new advice...

[talaniman]

Going slow, and enjoy getting to know each other is all the advice you need. No hurry, and there should be no need to push.

[plonak]

Don't get frustrated with her if she doesn't know how to go about things.. be patient and understanding.. and yes go slowly..

Another tip, don't see her everyday of your life.. make sure you have other interests too... communicate, communicate and communicate!! Good luck!

[NorthernNiceGuy]

Uggghhh... Well unfortunately it didn't work out. Don't ask me why, because even her friends can't figure it out... She was very excited about everything right from the first date. Her friends would come to me and tell me how interested and into me she was... literally 2 days after hearing about one of these talks from her friends she tell me out of no where (on msn of all places) that she just wants to be friends... We went on 5 dates, over the span of about 2 and a half weeks... each going very very well. I guess I shouldn't beat myself up over it, its really not the end of the world and I know that. The only brutal side effect from all this is that I am now really missing my ex... And I hate it.

Furthermore... While I was somewhat dating this girl I got a call from my ex... I was feeling so good with breakup recovery that I didn't even recognize the number and picked up. Well she was very upset... one of her guy "friends" had hit on this girl I was seeing and told him she was seeing somebody... He then asked who and she actually dropped my name... Well of course he noticed my name and ran to my ex with this information. My ex told me how much she misses me and how she's not seeing anyone and doesn't want me to either, and that she wants to get together when she is home for thanksgiving (in Canada it's the weekend after next) and wants me to come visit her... to maybe possibly reconcile. Well I told her I was going to continue going on with what I was doing much to her dismay. The next day I then started to get texts like crazy asking me not to date, and that we are going to see each other and talk and gave me xo's and called me by my pet name. I let it go and didn't hear from her the next two days (last weekend)... she was going to toronto with a large group of friends. Anyway long story short after the weekend I heard from her through texts about how much fun she had and I could tell that she was no longer as upset and excited to re-kindle things. Not that I want to but it made me very angry, it was obvious that she was being extremely selfish... and I can't believe she had the nerve to actually say to me "don't date anyone" after she wanted the breakup 5 months ago. The simple explanation is that she hasn't found someone else "happiness" and doesn't want me to before her. I kept my anger to myself on this and decided to ignore her. But I realized something... I am not over her even after 5 months (was a 4 year relationship however)... I couldn't believe the impact she still had on me when she contacted me... I felt very depressed (almost like the first month of the breakup) and also noticed a pattern. I would ask for no contact and get it for 3 week stretches, but as soon as she would get upset she would come crying to me to make her feel better and to reassure her confidence that I still have feelings for her. And then when she would get it she would back off when she felt better leaving me sad and lonely after I had been doing really good.

Well I took some proactive measures, she was already deleted and blocked from Facebook and msn... I have now blocked all of her email addresses from all mine and even changed my cell number this morning. I am starting to feel stupid that after 5 months I am now having to change my phone number, and am even kind of embarrassed by it... But now I really know that I won't hear from her again... There is relief and piece of mind in that... however I am left feeling very sad again. I know the feeling won't last that long this time, just sucks that after feeling so good for such a long I have hit a rut again... Guess its part of the journey.

I know that's a lot, just felt like venting it though... Maybe something better suited for the NC Calender... Oh well

[bigbird213]

Hey man - I just posted this under the NC calendar, but I'll paste it here too:

NNG...

As you know I too am 5 months on from a 4 year breakup. I know exactly how your feeling when you talk about the feelings about her and how they can come up and still bother you. Don't feel stupid about it, its normal.

Now I haven't dated anyone, so I don't have that same situation under my belt, and we haven't had contact since we broke up, but I have often thought about how I would react to seeing her or having to talk to her and at times I think I would be fine, and other times I think it would bug me like hell...

Just hang in there, like you have for the last 5 months, and you'll be fine. Its normal...

[talaniman]

We went on 5 dates, over the span of about 2 and a half weeks... each going very very well.

That in itself is great.

[plonak]

Hey NNG,

Sorry this has happened.. chalk it up to experience and realize that you're that much closer to finding the right girl for you

Good job on changing your phone number. Must be a nice relief to know that she won't be contacting you any longer.

Keep your chin up, things will get better

[Dragonfly1234]

I've got a question; would the girl you were dating ask to be just friends because of something your ex might have told her? I may be way off here but she told this guy she was dating you, he tells your ex and then suddenly she just wants to be friends... Or it may be a complete coincidence. Nonetheless, don't sweat it, and don't worry about your little relapse. Honestly, I think you are incredibly strong and rational. How easy would it be to just fall back 10 steps and start wanting to get back together with her again? Instead, you did the hardest thing (but the best thing to do of course) and took measures to ensure that playing with your emotions won't be as easy next time your ex gets a wake-up call as to what she gave up. Good for you for learning and adapting!

[NorthernNiceGuy]

I've got a question; would the girl you were dating ask to be just friends because of something your ex might have told her? I may be way off here but she told this guy she was dating you, he tells your ex and then suddenly she just wants to be friends... Or it may be a complete coincidence. Nonetheless, don't sweat it, and don't worry about your little relapse. Honestly, I think you are incredibly strong and rational. How easy would it be to just fall back 10 steps and start wanting to get back together with her again?! Instead, you did the hardest thing (but the best thing to do of course) and took measures to ensure that playing with your emotions won't be as easy next time your ex gets a wake-up call as to what she gave up. Good for you for learning and adapting!

Hey guys, thanks for the words... I suppose there is a lot of good to take from it, we had fun together for that short time, and I had some good dates... but the chemistry just wasn't there for a relationship. And the more I think about it the more I have come to realize it wasn't there for me either. So its all good.

I will admit... I have some sneaking suspicions my ex could have contacted her. She's definitely capable of it as she e-mailed a girlfriend of mine who was interested in me a month after our break-up... Told her if she was thinking about dating me that she should know I am not over her yet and to be careful... Pretty insane I know... Guess I will never know, and I am not going to go around asking anybody about it. Best just move on and put this relationship behind me permanently...

Definitely appreciate the kind words, they always help.

[LittleRed08]

Soooo What ended up happening? Did you meet her?