[wewed100606]

I am just going to savor this really goodtime right now. I am not going to get my hopes up about it staying thisway, but I would be so happy if it does. I asked her if I could go out with her on Saturday to a band we both like in her home town. I am pretty sure she will torpedo that idea, but I can hope. I just want to know that we can still have fun around each other. Our counseling session is set up for Monday. I am hoping for good things and that she will want to keep going. I think a few months of this marriage counseling is our only shot even if she does get her health worked out, but that is the most important thing to me. I am going to have to resist the urge to meet her at the door and hug the evering living crap out of her when she gets home. I miss holding her so much. I swear this whole thing has been the worst torture I can imagine. I hope we get through it though. If we do I think I want to find a way to help others gong through the same thing. It is just so tough, but just having one person to talk to and relate your ideas too is such a huge benefit. Have a good weekend everyone!

[talaniman]

Look into this site.

How to Recognize, Cope and Deal With Your Loved One's Bipolar Disorder

While your trying to help your wife, don't forget to help yourself. And yes we men are fixers, and its hard to back up, and know when to shut up. A little advice, don't be so defensive as to your wife's drinking, as it may play into her whole personality a lot more than you realize. At least keep the mind open.

[wewed100606]

I really do have an open mind about everything going on. If I am victim to anything it is probably having to open of a mind. It is just that protect the ones you love thing. I don't want to hear anyone bad mouthing her because I know the true her, and no one else here does. I know that everybody deals with stress and disappointment in different ways, some healthier than others. I think my therapist hit the nail on the head with the borderline personality disorder. I read into to it and it seams very logical. People with this disorder basically have no sense of self and struggle with relationships and ebs and flows. A very common thing is "not knowing or feeling that you know who your are or what you want" so you see people and you say that is who I want to emmulate, but then something turns you on them, no matter how small and then you find someone else or another group to "idolize" and start the cycle over. It also helps describe and explain one of the things that I have never attributed to anything and that is her future planning and the ability to set a track and stay on it. All of these things are specific to this disorder.

I love my wife to death. All of you would love her to pieces if you met her, promise. She is just going through some tough times and a lot of it is my fault, if not all of it. I am just scared of so many things. I am just afraid of uncertainty.

I am worried to death right now that something is going on behind my back, you know that eery feeling you get when everything just changes all of a sudden? Well, she has been nice for three days now. And quite honestly it is ing creeping me out. I mean this is what I want, but I feel like I am getting fleeced or set-up. I just seriously need to worry about myself right now and prepare myself to live with myself if my life goes down the sh*tter.

Is it weird that my logic tells me that preparing for the future without her means that on some level I am giving up on us? That is why I am putting it off. I don't want to convince myself I will be OK without her, because then I feel like I am shutting down a little piece of my heart that is hers.

Thanks!

[talaniman]

I strongly suggest that you get a professional to guide you through the necessary steps to learn how to cope with your situation. Your stuck yourself, and need to help yourself, before you can help your wife. Good luck and keep us posted.