[PIPER1234]

What is the best way to breakup with Fiancé? We have dated for 18 months and I realize there is just no way I can marry him... I'm just dragging on, knowing I have to do this and I want to before Christmas. His family still thinks we are getting married and my family knows my intentions... I've hope for change for way to long. There is a trust issue.. not w/cheating but in general and I'm a Christian and he's not. He is all about self not a giving person at all, not affectionate,never compliments me,doesn't want me to work(but I am now,I just started 11/24)... I go to community college but he doesn't want me to further my education... I'm positive, he's very negative... he loves to watch TV all the time and I would love to go out... we can't even go to a mall without a fuss or him being very uncomfortable and me knowing we need to just leave before it causes a fuss... We talk but there's a lot of quietness... I could go on... If he does something to hurt me and I confront him about it he gets mad at me and turns it around... This guy has never hit me but he does have anger issues... he has done some really bad things and is probably the most selfish person I have ever known... so, I don't know whether to confront it head on and breakup in person ,try to make him mad so he'll break up w/me( my family doesn't think he will breakup w/me) or write a letter to him... I've cried and talked to people and they understand and they don't think I need to drag this out but... I don't really think he is the most stable person either... this is my first real relationship... I'm 20 ---he's 20. Thanks for listening...

[s_cianci]

You need to be honest and upfront with him. It won't be easy, for either of you, but it's what'll be best in the long run. You're in a position to tell him things he no doubt needs to hear and you owe it to him to be honest and truthful.

[statictable]

Yikes! He needs to mature and that'll happen over the next few to several years. He's probably not aware of his behavior but may know you have concerns. Once this behavior is initiated without a direct reaction from you he has no reason to change, he's been comfortable with his actions for 18 months with you and might have started years before you knew him.

There are 2 ways to approach him. 1. Make him aware of his behavior and how it makes you feel. Tell him straight out that marriage would be wrong for both of you and that responsibility comes first. 2. You are having some problems and some of them are related to his behavior. You will need time to work on these problems as you would expect anyone to do under the circumstances. Your decision to postpone the wedding was difficult and nesessary for the sake of both parties.

If he says he'll change right away you'll have to say thanks but no thanks. Good luck.

[Fr_Chuck]

So you pack up and move out and he figues it out when he comes home and you are gone.?

You tell him you are leaving

You throw him out

As for as the mall, many men hate shopiong, so take that off your list of bad things, that is more a normal thing.