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Chery · Nov 22, 2007, 04:07 PM

Dear Ruby...
My PM basket is getting fuller and it is hard to communicate with the fear of not getting the message because it's too full, so I am going to be as discrete as possible on this post.

It is my belief that he has had his cake and want's to continue to eat it too. You are like money in the bank to him and he no longer feels he needs to pay the interest.

I too have had my experience with medical school and I know how hard it is to study and find someone who is compatible and caring enough to deserve the time that I did have to share with someone else.

Honey, you deserve someone who understands your needs, is ready to reassure you in the relationship, and gets over his insecurities. This dude sounds like he's looking for a free ticket but does not want to reveal exactly how inept he is at committing.

You are young, still have a lot of serious studying to do, and you deserve to have warmth and comfort when you want it, and not the other way around. It is your turn to choose how you want to spend your free time, and I'm sure it's not attempting to call or text someone you are not certain will return the gesture.

Girl, tell him to find someone else to play with, you are not his toy. No man is that good in bed to compromise all your free time and energy for, well maybe there is, but he's not the one...

I doubt very much he'd be willing to place himself in your shoes for more than a few minutes because he will not be able to keep up with you and your chosen world. Don't give up on yourself to make him the center of your universe, he's not worth it.

I'm 56, and have met all kinds, so you can safely take my word for it.

Chery · Nov 22, 2007, 05:42 PM

We will be here to help you through the transition and assist in regaining your strength.

You deserve it.

wisethinking · Nov 22, 2007, 05:53 PM

Originally Posted by ruby07

I'm in quite a dilemma. I'm very confused regarding my boyfriend. We broke up and got back together. Its been 2 months since then and I still feel so distant from him. He wanted to start things slow, but He hardly calls me. I used to do alot of calling and texting, but i felt like I was the only one making the effort. We had talked about how important it is to communicate and call each other. He had told me he would call me at least every other day but that doesnt happen. When he tells me he will call me, he never ends up calling me. I'm not asking for much, just some attention from him. I feel like im being taken for granted. Am I? He doesnt realize the value of who he has. I have very strong feelings for him and I can't break up with him for some reason, even though I know thats the best thing for me to do. Is there anyway to win him back? I have recently stopped calling or texting him. I dont know what that will accomplish but I feel like I'm the only one giving and making an effort in this relationship. Its not fair so im stepping back. Is that a good idea? Please help..

Yes you are making the right decision. Actions speak louder than words. His actions say that he is not interested. So, be strong and believe in yourself. You definitely deserve better. Someone who is interested in you. Get involved in yourself and take care of yourself. Leave this boyfriend and don't look back. He won't change. Just like the color of his eyes, he won't change. Get on with your life and don't waste anymore of your precious time on this person. Take care.

ruby07 · Nov 22, 2007, 06:43 PM

I do not plan on breaking up with him just yet because I want to be mentally prepared for that and want no regrets after I let him go. Will backing off a little bit and not calling him anymore help me? I feel like if he likes me, he should make the effort to make this work; if he doesn't, then I know where we stand. I guess if I'm not around for him like I was before, he'll come around if he really does want to be with me?

wisethinking · Nov 22, 2007, 07:31 PM

Originally Posted by ruby07

I do not plan on breaking up with him just yet because I want to be mentally prepared for that and want no regrets after i let him go. Will backing off a little bit and not calling him anymore help me? I feel like if he likes me, he should make the effort to make this work; if he doesnt, then I know where we stand. I guess if im not around for him like i was before, he'll come around if he really does want to be with me?

I think you know it's over. You are right, you have to be ready to let him go. Sometimes life is just difficult. But look at his actions. That tells you the true story. Do yourself a favor and don't take this situation personal. Feel good about yourself and know that there is somebody a lot better for you. And yes, don't call him at all. Why? Get on with your life and start preparing for somebody a million times better! Think of that. Somebody that really cares about you will want to be with you all the time. Wouldn't you like to be with someone like that?

ruby07 · Nov 23, 2007, 09:24 AM

I understand that he not treating me right and that I can do much much better. Why is it then that I am so unable to let him go?

s_cianci · Nov 23, 2007, 10:13 AM

I think you're doing the right thing. He doesn't seem very vested in this relationship. I can't believe that you're happy with the way things are. That being the case I think you should step back and explore other options. If you give him less attention he might start giving you more.

Chery · Nov 24, 2007, 04:48 PM

There are no guarantees in life.

Go on with your's as planned, and don't give up anything for him. He might just 'grow up' in a few years and wind up being the right one, but don't go into the 'hoping and waiting' zone. Go out with others and see what they have to offer to prove to you that it's possible to be happy. Just remember, the only person you can change is yourself.

If he changes and wants you back it will be on him to prove that he deserves you.

Take care dear, and keep us posted.

ruby07 · Dec 24, 2007, 09:17 AM

My boyfriend has been ignoring my calls and texts lately due to him being super busy. He said he doesn't have few seconds to respond to my texts. It made no sense to me. I talked to him for two hours, crying my eyes out, explaining to him how I need just a little attention and I need to feel somewhat important in his life. He doesn't want to let me go and neither do I want to let him go right now. He told me he would call me the next day, because I was too emotional, to explain his side, but it has been 3 days and I haven't heard from him yet. I'm not sure if that scared him or if he doesn't like me anymore. All I know is that I'm hurt, confused, and everything makes no sense. What should I do? Please help, I'm sick of crying myself to sleep every night.

s_cianci · Dec 24, 2007, 09:30 AM

If you read through the threads in this section you'll see that one of the biggest, in fact probably THE biggest turnoff in a relationship is being overly needy and clingy. It's good that your boyfriend is busy and has a life of his own. You need to do the same. If you continue to be overly needy and clingy you'll end up losing him and everyone else who comes into your life. Ignore him for a while and get involved in other activities. If you make him start to miss you by not always being there for him I guarantee he'll start paying more attention to you. Try it and see.

ruby07 · Dec 24, 2007, 09:41 AM

I don't ask for much though. I ask for a calls once in a while and I ask for him to not ignore my calls and texts. It just makes me feel unimportant. That's all. I don't think that's being overly clingy.

talaniman · Dec 24, 2007, 09:47 AM

What should I do? Please help, I'm sick of crying myself to sleep every night

Stop crying, and start living your own life, and learn to make yourself happy, instead of being miserable, and making him miserable. Question, what do you do, beside cry, do you work, and have hobbies, and friends?? Stop calling him, and let him call you. If he doesn't?? If he does, shouldn't you be busy with your own life?? Return his calls later. For sure you need to focus on yourself no, matter what he does.

ISneezeFunny · Dec 24, 2007, 10:03 AM

Yeah, it's true... she seems needy... but if the boyfriend doesn't call for 2 - 3 days in a row, or even texts, I sense problems. Now, if you guys are just dating, then no communication for 2 - 3 days isn't uncommon. If you guys are actually in a relationship where you two have been talking to one another, no communication for 2 - 3 days... is a warning sign to me.

I'm in my 20s... I am a full time student, I volunteer, and I have a part time job, but I make sure to call my girlfriend (when I had one) at least once a day, and if I'm too busy to do that, I at least text just to say hi.

Listen to tal. Do your own thing. Quit waiting by the phone. Go out with your friends. If he calls you, great. But once he calls you, DON'T go back to waiting on the phone. Keep doing what you do. Find a good balance. If he doesn't call... guess he just doesn't care as much anymore. And you'll be better off.

Rockstar714 · Dec 24, 2007, 10:23 AM

It sounds to me like you are being kind of needy and this could possibly pushing him away. You say that you only ASK him to call and you ASK for him not to ignore you. You're in a relationship, you shouldn't have to ask. By asking him to do this he thinks that you are being needy. And by crying on the phone trying to explain your side and how you feel, that didn't help. Cos now he might think you're a little unstable because you couldn't communicate your feelings in a adult manner. By letting the little things in a relationship get to you, it often ends it. Give it a few days, go have fun with your friends. Don't call him, don't text him, just go do something for YOU. I promise he'll be calling because he's not getting this attention from you. It might snap him back into the boyfriend you want him to be.

ruby07 · Dec 24, 2007, 10:34 AM

Thanks guys, I agree. He has texted me like 3 times already and I didn't respond to them.

ruby07 · Jan 10, 2008, 05:31 PM

My boyfriend and I got into an argument. I got mad at him and he said he can't deal with it and that Im crazy. I was seriously upset about something I heard. He was like this isn't making him happy. He told me he can't be in the middle of this and hung up on me. He was obviously mad. I called back and left a message telling him that I trust him and if he respected me he should call me back. He never did. Next day I texted him regretting how I approached the whole issue and how I shouldn't have just attacked him like that. No reply. I haven't gotten any response for him. He shuts off when he's upset with me.

Hes going out of the country for few weeks, where we will be in no contact. I'm just confused because I feel he always turns the problem around on me and I feel guilty. He never apologizes because he feels its never his fault. Should I not contact him before he leaves? If he doesn't contact me before he leaves I will be upset. Im so confused and hurt. I just want to be happy. I can't let him go. It hurts. Should I call him before he leaves? I feel like he won't respond to my texts and calls if he's mad. We all have arguments but I don't know why he hasn't forgiven me and called. What should I do? Help.

skyprincess · Jan 10, 2008, 10:50 PM

Originally Posted by ruby07

My boyfriend and I got into an argument. I got mad at him and he said he can't deal with it and that Im crazy. I was seriously upset about something I heard. he was like this isnt making him happy. He told me he can't be int he middle of this and hung up on me. He was obviously mad. I called back and left a message telling him that I trust him and if he respected me he should call me back. he never did. next day I texted him regretting how I approached the whole issue and how I shouldnt have just attacked him like that. No reply. I haven't gotten any response for him. he shuts off when hes upset with me.

Hes going out of the country for few weeks, where we will be in no contact. I'm just confused because I feel he always turns the problem around on me and I feel guilty. He never apologizes because he feels its never his fault. Should I not contact him before he leaves? If he doesnt contact me before he leaves I will be upset. Im so confused and hurt. I just want to be happy. I can't let him go. It hurts. Should I call him before he leaves? I feel like he wont respond to my texts and calls if hes mad. We all have arguements but I dont know why he hasnt forgiven me and called. What should I do? Help.

Really quick what was the topic that was approached? Not knowing the topic I don't really know what to say; but, if he did nothing wrong and he had nothing to hide and was being completely honest about it then he wouldn't turn the tables and make you feel like you are the bad person.

It's kind of like, if a partner accuses the other partner of cheating - they are usually actually the cheater, type of thing, not always true, but a lot of the time it is.

misse4eva · Jan 10, 2008, 11:48 PM

Men are always embarrassed to admit when their wrong and they like it when the women begs for their attention... It makes them feel like their in control. I have a boyfriend now and whenever we argue its always my fault... I learned that sometimes you have to let them come to you for once... All you should do is try calling him one more time and if he doesn't pick up leave him a voicemail telling him how u feel about him and how much u care and love him then send him an text message saying that u left him a voicemail and that u hope u listen to it and tell him that he can take all the time he needs to think and you will always be there waiting

talaniman · Jan 11, 2008, 06:03 AM

If he is this guy,
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/search...archid=2269804
Then enough is enough, time to leave him alone, and deal with yourself.

HistorianChick · Jan 11, 2008, 06:49 AM

You already contacted him. You've left messages and texts telling him what you feel. Leave it. Take these next couple weeks when he's "out of the country" to really examine your relationship. Good luck! :)