[simranrajput]

I'm 23... beautiful... engineer... settled... career woman...
it started an year back.I met one of my school seniors(I didn't know much about then) on a website and we exchanged nos.he proposed me immediately and I even accepted.he was in army so he was far away from me.after 3months he got his 1st leave and came to meet me.we met and everything seemed perfect to me.but as soon as he left back one night I had a call from him and he said he wants to be close to me.but I refused.and things almost ended there.we did talk but each time they ended in fights.so we moved our ways and he got posted to a different place and we lost all contacts.
but I cried every day as I was too much emotionally involved.so I decided to mail him how terrible life was without him.and I did so.he called me up again.he said I could expect things from him as friends.I was so happy but it all lost.next day I went to orkut and saw his profile,and was shocked to see that he was married and had a son(he had put this information intentionally I suppose cause he was unable to tell himself).I was so badly upset but brought up in a very good family I acted gracefully.I asked him to delete my number and be happy with his wife and son.
months passed and recently one of our school teachers was leaving so I thought I should inform him.so I messaged him... 3days later I got his reply and he told me things were not good at his end and he needed a psych.I asked him what was wrong and he called me and told me that his wife was sleeping with other man.he had no emotional or physical intimacy with her.they had separate ways in life.and it was only because of his son that they were together.he also thanked me for concern and told me that nothing could be done now in his married life.he said he and his wife were just opposites and they had difference in values.his wife would not like to be with his mom ever.his wife stayed at her place when he was in kashmir and a man calls her up late night,early morning,she doesn't want to give him another child.and many more things.he told me that his wife got to know about me and they had a fight over this also.
he said he would prefer to stay alone than living with her although they talked normally ,shared jokes ,she cooked 3meals for him but there was nothing more to the relation.
its around 4weeks now since we are in contact.he calls himself a creep and a bad person for doing bad to me.I felt he was really sorry from heart.I told him that he is the only person I loved then,now and forever.and I want him to give try to his relationship again with his wife.basically I've always been a nice person.I don't know how to hate a person and hating the person I love the most is almost impossible
.infact there is no possibility.yes it does hurt that I can never get the man I've loved more than anything and it hurts more that he is not happy.
the problem arose yesterday.yesterday he told me that he really wished that he could have married me.he said I was the person in the world he cared the most because I've always treated him the way no one ever did.yesterday he dreamt that he has gone on a date with me.we are getting close again.he says goodmorning as soon as he wakes up.like he used to do.today he told me he was on leave.means he is here.and what could be the prerogative behind telling me?he wants to meet mei think.but I simply talofy it by saying that he should give all his time to his son.
I'm a mature person with indian values.and I know where the barrier is.I know I should not meet him.
but the problem is I]till when?till when can I ignore the wishes which are there inside me.which is all I have wanted from life and especially now when the man himself is falling for me.
I really don't know what should I do. We talked only once over phone.rest all has been through sms.its not possible to break all contacts with him even if I will try I would fail.please tell me if I'm right or wrong?

[Marily]

I don't think anything good can come out of this

[talaniman]

You are so wrong to base so much feeling in a guy, who lied to start this relationship, and even worse revisit your actions after you found out he was married and lied to you about it. Your not in love, but are so deperately wanting a life with someone, who is unavailable. This is not healthy, and can be dangerous for your future happiness. Don't let your feelings blind you into making more mistakes, on top of all you have made so far.

[cerisa]

Long distance relationships are primarily fantasies. And you have had brief honeymoon type meetings. Of course you both are fooled into thinking it will be so good. I wish everyday was Christmas, too. Stop believing these immature men who do not work on the marriage they have, and want the excitement of the chase. He has a wife, he should be loving her, and going home while on leave. He also has a child who deserves an intact family. Do not believe everything he says.

[simranrajput]

Long distance relationships are primarily fantasies. And you have had brief honeymoon type meetings. Of course you both are fooled into thinking it will be so good. I wish everyday was Christmas, too. Stop believing these immature men who do not work on the marriage they have, and want the excitement of the chase. He has a wife, he should be loving her, and going home while on leave. He also has a child who deserves an intact family. Do not believe everything he says.

Well we never really had any physical intimacies and I agree to what you say.wat sud I do?

[cerisa]

well we never really had any physical intimacies and i agree to wat u say.wat sud i do?

You know what to do, tell him you are unavailable to married men.
Also, a family man who would leave his wife and child is not ever totally free.
He will have to support his child, and maintain a relationship with his child always.
There are lots of single men wanting relationships,don't you wish to be someone's 'one and only'

[simranrajput]

Thanks to all the experts.I have said goodbye to this man.and I feel much much relaxed.it would not have been possible without your advice.iv asked him to get back to his wife and son.and broken up all the contacts.thanks a lot.god bless you. I hope to get advice whenevr I need... tahns again..
Simran/...

[cerisa]

Good for you, smart for asking advice, strong for making good decisions!

[simranrajput]

Yes I agree to watever you said... infact I've broken up with this person completely... deleted all contacts... and I would thank you for that...

[EtaCarinae]

He lied to you before who is to say he is not lying now trying to have gis cake and eat it too. I suggest you move on. If you really think its all true tell him you do not wish to date an unhappily married man and tell him to look you up when his divorce is final. He obviously is a cheater and I don't think any guy looking for an extramarital affair is ever going to be honest and I am sure no matter what the situation is you should not involve yourself with someone who you know is married with children. Evenif he is in the middle of a divorce I would think its best to give him time to sort it out and figure out child custody issues. But honestly I sthink he is telling whatever he thinks will get you to hang out with him even though you know he still has a wife. I believe if you date him at all while he is still married you are contributing to the trouble in his family and no good came come of it for you or them. There are plently of single men in the world move on stop being such a tool.