I'm 23... beautiful... engineer... settled... career woman...
it started an year back.I met one of my school seniors(I didn't know much about then) on a website and we exchanged nos.he proposed me immediately and I even accepted.he was in army so he was far away from me.after 3months he got his 1st leave and came to meet me.we met and everything seemed perfect to me.but as soon as he left back one night I had a call from him and he said he wants to be close to me.but I refused.and things almost ended there.we did talk but each time they ended in fights.so we moved our ways and he got posted to a different place and we lost all contacts.
but I cried every day as I was too much emotionally involved.so I decided to mail him how terrible life was without him.and I did so.he called me up again.he said I could expect things from him as friends.I was so happy but it all lost.next day I went to orkut and saw his profile,and was shocked to see that he was married and had a son(he had put this information intentionally I suppose cause he was unable to tell himself).I was so badly upset but brought up in a very good family I acted gracefully.I asked him to delete my number and be happy with his wife and son.
months passed and recently one of our school teachers was leaving so I thought I should inform him.so I messaged him... 3days later I got his reply and he told me things were not good at his end and he needed a psych.I asked him what was wrong and he called me and told me that his wife was sleeping with other man.he had no emotional or physical intimacy with her.they had separate ways in life.and it was only because of his son that they were together.he also thanked me for concern and told me that nothing could be done now in his married life.he said he and his wife were just opposites and they had difference in values.his wife would not like to be with his mom ever.his wife stayed at her place when he was in kashmir and a man calls her up late night,early morning,she doesn't want to give him another child.and many more things.he told me that his wife got to know about me and they had a fight over this also.
he said he would prefer to stay alone than living with her although they talked normally ,shared jokes ,she cooked 3meals for him but there was nothing more to the relation.
its around 4weeks now since we are in contact.he calls himself a creep and a bad person for doing bad to me.I felt he was really sorry from heart.I told him that he is the only person I loved then,now and forever.and I want him to give try to his relationship again with his wife.basically I've always been a nice person.I don't know how to hate a person and hating the person I love the most is almost impossible
.infact there is no possibility.yes it does hurt that I can never get the man I've loved more than anything and it hurts more that he is not happy.
the problem arose yesterday.yesterday he told me that he really wished that he could have married me.he said I was the person in the world he cared the most because I've always treated him the way no one ever did.yesterday he dreamt that he has gone on a date with me.we are getting close again.he says goodmorning as soon as he wakes up.like he used to do.today he told me he was on leave.means he is here.and what could be the prerogative behind telling me?he wants to meet mei think.but I simply talofy it by saying that he should give all his time to his son.
I'm a mature person with indian values.and I know where the barrier is.I know I should not meet him.
but the problem is I]till when?till when can I ignore the wishes which are there inside me.which is all I have wanted from life and especially now when the man himself is falling for me.
I really don't know what should I do. We talked only once over phone.rest all has been through sms.its not possible to break all contacts with him even if I will try I would fail.please tell me if I'm right or wrong?
