[Jiser]

Good morning Ladies and Gentlemen,



In order to fix anything, one must know what the problem is. Whether it be a big repair or small... if you don't know the issuse(s) at hand, what are you fixing?


Let's look deeper into the definition of "Fix" in this instance:

a. To correct or set right; adjust: fix a misspelling; fix the out-of-date accounts.
b. To restore to proper condition or working order; repair: fix a broken machine.


To make ready; prepare:


Definition Source: [Only registered and activated users can see links. Register]


When breakups occur, the feelings of despair, rejection and abandonment can be overwhelming. We all ask ourselves the same questions over and over again:

Why? Why? Why? The sad reality is, most of the time, we do know why.. we were just NOT ACCEPTING the facts that its over.

99.9% of the time, there are reasons for the breakup. No matter what you may assume, it takes two to be in a loving relationship. Please notice I said "loving".


Sometimes when I think of relationships, I think of a see-saw in a playground. Both partners on either side.

If the love they share for one-another is the same... they are evenly matched... we feel the same about one another... which is loving. Each partner is fulfilled with the analogy of "I get what I give" from my partner.

If one loves more than the other, lets say one is vested more in the relationship than the other... the see-saw begins to lean to one side... how steep depends on the amount of love being shown by both parties involved.

The way I see it is simple. Imagine this, you are the one putting MOST of the time and energy into a fading relationship and you are sitting on your end of the see-saw but stuck in the air. All your partner has to do is "pick up their feet" and give some effort. Some people try... they really do.

Others simply jump of the see-saw forcing you to "hit the ground" hard.


Ouch!


It takes both parties. Ever tried to see-saw by yourself? My question is... why are some of you trying to now?


We wait and wait and wait. We sit at the "playground" alone waiting for our partners to come back. My suggestion is "get off the see-saw" period.


Years ago, when I first came to this site, I was in crisis like many of you. I didn't know what to do.. plain and simple I panicked. I wanted the very answers we are all looking for. I wanted her back.. and I wanted her back YESTERDAY! Needless to say, it didn't happen over night. It took time, a lot of reflection, tons of tears and time to develop a plan.. not to get her back but for me to GET ME BACK.


My turning point came when I realized that I didn't love myself. I wanted a band-aid on open heart surgery. I wanted something, words... advice.. a magic spell... a book... a song... a task... a phone call... ANYTHING I could do or accomplish to get her back. I got NOTHING OF THE SORT.


The fact is... the more I looked for answers, the more lost I became. I look at it this way... Ever loose your keys? When did you find them? When you searched everywhere and are upset because you can't find them... or when you were NOT looking?

For the most part... I find everything I lost when I am NOT LOOKING.


Plain and simple... Quick fixes do not work. EVER.

If you put oil in the engine of your car, will it fix a flat?

Every relationship has circumstances. Something happened... something triggered the "doubt" thought in you or your partners head.. or worse... their heart.

**REMEMBER**

The one thing I hope you can understand is that you should NEVER look at a relationship one-sided. It takes 2 partners.


You can say you guys were perfect together. We were the perfect couple and everyone told up that. Sound familiar? My question is this.. though you may be holding your partners hand are you 100% certain you hold their heart?

Think about that one for a second.


The very lover you are LOVING 100% could be possibly trying to figure out a way to let you down easy. Its possible...


Ever had an ex meet someone a week later and start dating immediately? The fact is, they didn't meet only a few days after your breakup...


HELLLLLLOOOOOO... McFly?? Are you in there? WAKE UP! They almost ALWAYS plan that. When I was rejected, do you think I was read to jump into another relationship? Nooooooooooooo way... now granted that was MY point of view only.


People try to fix their pain on a new relationship. Its called a rebound.

Sadly the new person involved is happy and very excited to be with a new partner... You ex is happy and excited as well... until the excitement is over. The honeymoon is over so to speak.


In human behavior, the more we try tp put something out of our thoughts, the more we think about it. So to answer the question, "Does our ex's think about me?" The answer is 100% yes.


When the honeymoon is over.. the rebound is over.. and the relations hip is NOW over... it was exactly what it was... absolutely nothing. I think of it as a great movie that last 3 or 4 months... you felt excited when you were there... but when it was over... its time to leave and go home.


Don't ever let yourself be a victim of a quick fix. Do not try to repair a relationship... do not try to pretend problems are solved or worse... were never there.

If you do not address the problems that were in the relationship from BOTH PARITES INVOLVED... meaning You AND your partner have to agree to work on the issues that led to the breakup... and SHOW one another that love can prevail... then you may have that chance of getting back together.


If you are giving 100%, yet get 5%... why settle? Is that love? Is that what you were born to accept?


If you are sitting there reading this and telling yourself

"Dave, 5% is better than nothing...." I suggest you learn to love yourself. If you don't love you... your ideas... your goals... your soul... your life... your job.. the very core of who you are and what you are to accomplish on this earth... I suggest you take the time to get tio know you and learn to love you!


You can change the very core of who you are is you truly believe you can. Don't let emotions take over your brain and cripple you. Do you think for one moment that being depressed is going to bring your lover back?? NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO way!


Is begging, pleading or accepting almost NOTHING from your ex acceptable? NOT FOR ME!


I let that stupid stuff go... LIFE IS TO BE LIVED!! IT IS TO EXPERIENCE and LOVE EVERY MINUTE OF IT!


So your partner left you... I know it hurts... I know its difficult... but realize this too will pass. THey may need to experience life without you completely to realize how much you really mean to them...


Let go of your fear... let go of the questions you may have about "what happened"..


Learn to accept the very things we cannot change... but to change the things we CAN FROM NOW NOW.


**Remember**

We cannot change the past... we can learn from it... but we certainly can change our future!




You can accomplish miracles if you want to...




-Your Friend,

SuperDave71

[SpawnOfAzazel]

Excellent post, very insightful, and definitely worth the read. Thanks, Jiser :)

[mckenzie134]

Greta one jiser

[smeetr]

Thank you jiser for bringing up another wonderful reading from superdave..

Lately I have come to realise all the things written in this post are all true!

[dcole]

Nice post SuperDave - I think this would really help people going through tough breakups - if they're ready to hear it. Very insightful.

[LUK3Y]

Well Said!!