[Jiser]

Based on my past experience, I remember one of my first major breakups. I am no one special, we can all relate. I traveled from one college to another for my first love. Love can make you do crazy things. I loved her so much, I didn't want to NOT be with her. It took me a year to get there, move and get settled in.

Life was grand... or so I was to think.


Spring break came... 3 months after I had worked so hard to get me where I was. The phone rang and the rest was breakup history. As it turned out, my ex wanted to date other men. I was of course crushed. Looking back still makes me cringe a bit but I learned so much from it.


After the breakup, I could not focus on anything but her. I was, sad to say, obsessed. I didn't want to get out of bed, I didn't want to go to class, I waited by the phone, I called too much, I would walk by her dorm... Quite frankly, I was a walking text book titled "How NOT to GET your LOVER BACK". I was so pathetic.

This is the same girl I serenaded outside her dorm of about 900 college girls. I grabbed my guitar and sang to her outside her dorm window. I played "I can't help falling in love with you." You should know the tune.
The fact was, she had a guy in her room when I sang to her.

How did I feel? Well,. let me put it to you this way... I did not allow myself to smile, laugh, or be positive about anything for a lilttle over a year. I could NOT get her out of my head.

I remember that when time passed... the days turned into weeks, the weeks into months... that I would ALWAYS think of her at least once or more a day. One day, I woke up like any other and thought to myself, "Hey.....I didn't think of her yesterday!" Sad to admit to you all, but I felt GUILTY for NOT thinking of her. My NON-LOGIC thinking was, if I didn't think of her, that I didn't care or love her. I have never been so wrong in my life. I didn't know any better. I was 19 years old. I kept a journal that I STILL have to this day that is STILL difficult to read. When I do look back on my past and read my personal journal and how I felt at one time in my life, I feel two things.

1. I can still remember the sadness I felt while reading my own words and emotions. The wet spots still remain to show the reminance of the tears that fell and smeared the very ink I was putting to paper.

2. I feel so blessed that that time is passed and I am a better person because of it.


Isn't it amazing how our minds and hearts can get clouded? Please don't get me wrong, looking back I could never be the type of person she needed and wanted because it just wasn't meant to be. Funny how I can say it was a blessing for us to break. She is now happily married with two children. We talk every now and then but remain good friends. That was almost 20 years ago.

Sometimes, we can't see things because we stand too close to them. Whether it is a situation or a relationship... no matter what it is, we tend NOT to see the whole picture. Because we all want to be happy.. we all want to feel like we matter, we all want to feel love and appreciation from the loves we love. Sadly, this is not always the case.

Sometimes when people meet, they "click"... they make you laugh, smile, make you do silly things that you might never do but you did because of who they are. Ya sing out loud, you go swimming in a nearby fountain, you attempt to write poetry or a song, you assume your Emeril Lagasse and prepare a meal knowing you can't cook... because you want them to know how much they mean to you "Just because they are who they are".


What happened? Where does it all go wrong? Was it the right love at the wrong time? Why did I meet this person and fall in love if I had to endure this heartache when they left? Why? Why? Why?


The answer will come when you least expect it. Now that many years has passed, I was able to answer several of my own question of "why" an event happened. It's hard to accept when it happens, but it is a life lesson like no other.

When do you start feeling better? I wish I could tell you. Everyone is different. We feel and do things differently. We think differently. We deal with the same situation differently. No one is exactly alike.

I love this forum because we all have similar situations. We have all suffered heartache. Some of you may be feeling it as we speak and if you are, my heart goes out to you. The pain and loss you may be feeling can be unbearable at first but I promise you.. it will get better. How you may ask? Time, patience, personal reflection, more time, evaluation, common sense and more time.

It is so easy to get wrapped up in sadness and negative feelings and STAY there. If someone told me years ago that I would feel better after my breakup... my first question would simply and sadly be "WHEN!?" I cried myself to sleep many night as I called her name. It was a tough year for me... but after time and reflection and standing back so I could see the relationship for what it was... I very simply put was not the man for her. It does NOT mean I was not GOOD ENOUGH. Not at all, it only mean there was someone else she deserved and wanted just as much as I wanted her... and you know what? She found him.

Sometimes it is so hard to go out with friends who are married or dating because we don't want to feel like a third wheel. What is a third wheel, in my opinion, its an excuse... a cover up to say... "I don't have anyone that likes me enough right now and I really don't want to see how happy you guys are."

Its hard to be alone sometimes UNTIL you realize you don't NEED someone to make you happy. Sure I admit it is sooo much easier to enjoy life with someone you love and care so much about. Feelings change... time changes everything. We grow old, we move on... we get closer.. we adapt.

I know its hard to accept breakups, heartaches and divorce. One is not better or worse than the other. The main thing to remember is that life goes on. Not trying to belittle a heartache but you still breathe in and out. You still need food, water, shelter and clothing. It hurts a lot but you can get through it. I know it can hurt so bad that you just "feel like dying"... the truth is.. sometimes the very part of us that is alrleady dead is the part we gave away freely to a lover that just walked out on us.


You are somebody. You are the son and daughther of someone out there that loves you. You have friends and family that will help you in any way form or fashion just because you are you. You are a gift.. a treasure. YOU MATTER! Everything about you is a miracle. You may not feel that way right now but you will.

My family would tell me every single day how much they loved me especially after my big breakup. I worried my mom just like some of you out there may be. I sat with my father and he told me "You will find love again David...when you least expect it." I would argue that I only wanted her... I was NOT happy unless it was her...

What did I learn from this? If I was starving in the jungle and there was food available but ONLY wanted a cheeseburger... would I starve to death because I wanted ONLY a cheeseburger? Noooooooooooooooooo
I would take what was provided.

I view love like this... I had more love that surrounded me AFTER the breakup than I did while in the relationship because I WAS STANDING TO CLOSE to see it. I had love surrounding me from many people including my family. I just didn't want it... I would rather have a "cheesebuger". I wanted HER back... HER love... would I physically die if she didn't come back... I am here today... so I think we all know the answer to that one.

Once I was able to step back and realize that life is too short to be unhappy... I accepted what happened and a also started feeling better because of the power of love. Not my ex's love... that was gone.

I want to tell you a secret you may not have known...


**Remember**

If love is taken from you... in any way, form or fashion.. I will be returned to you 100 times more than what you once had.


It may not return on your timetable... but I can guarantee that it will find you and you will smile again. You will get out of bed... you will sing in the shower again and sing in your favorite hairbrush... You will laugh at silly movies and life will go on.


You have a choice to make... you do want to feel better and learn to love you for the miracle you are...

Or would you rather watch everuyone else be happy...


You decide...



As for me... I love my lover years ago... only to be replaced with the love of my life. THe love found me... and was returned 100 times over.


Live, learn and love...



Your Friend,


SuperDave71

[emopunk7]

Awesome!

[Jiser]

Good stuff ey? :)

eNotAlone Relationship advice and articles

[SouthernBelle06]

Those of us who have had our hearts broken can certainly relate to this one! Good read.