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starscollide · May 29, 2007, 10:34 PM

My boyfriend of 6 months was given a star from one of those star registries from a significant ex girlfriend... I'm secure with him having past relationships, as I have as well but I'm 19... he's 23... they were together a yr. and stopped talking after we started dating... before that, they'd been h/u and talked frequently. Its framed in his room and every time I'm over, I can't help but wonder why he still has it? It doesn't help to know that she was the first girl to tell him she loved him and we've never said that to each other... am I being paranoid??

LuvMyMaltipoo · May 29, 2007, 10:45 PM

I think so. I have one of those as well (hmm, I hope it isn't the same star) it's not from an ex but from my mother and I like showing it off occasionally, I just think it's really neat. Have you asked him about this? Honestly, he probably doesn't even remember it's there by now, I wouldn't worry about it at all.

starscollide · May 29, 2007, 10:48 PM

Originally Posted by LuvMyMaltipoo

I think so. I have one of those as well (hmm, I hope it isn't the same star) it's not from an ex but from my mother and I like showing it off occasionally, I just think it's really neat. Have you asked him about this? Honestly, he probably doesn't even remember it's there by now, I wouldn't worry about it at all.

I don't know.. I don't bring it up because he'll say I'm overreacting or say I'm wrong for thinking anything of it... he def knows it's there... its one of his most memorable possessions... and she's not even in his life anymore... I feel like... he's not really over her, even though he always says he is and even though I know she's in love with him. She's a nice enough girl, and she stopped talking to him out of respect for our relationship, but that bugs me even more.

LuvMyMaltipoo · May 29, 2007, 10:52 PM

If she is still in love with him and he is with you... that should tell you something, especially since you know that she respects you and there are no hard feelings there.

starscollide · May 29, 2007, 10:54 PM

Originally Posted by LuvMyMaltipoo

If she is still in love with him and he is with you... that should tell you something, especially since you know that she respects you and there are no hard feelings there.

I hope so... but I should mention he didn't want to stop talking to her. She enforced the no-contact while with someone thing, he wanted to keep talking to her and he hooked up with her once when we first started dating because we weren't official and then, attempted to again... pretty much stringing her along because she still loved him and she thought they were getting back together... he kind of lied to her and said he wasn't seeing anyone... and then, we became official so she was kind of hurt I saw the text from her saying she wouldn't be with him if he was with someone else... its a mess... I feel like its one of those situations where she's who he really loves but he's scared to be with her and I'm the safer choice. And that sucks.

LuvMyMaltipoo · May 29, 2007, 10:58 PM

If you do not trust him then things will never work out. If he has cheated on you and you are unable to fully forgive him then maybe you two aren't meant to be. I know that isn't what you want to hear but a relationship is nothing without trust.

starscollide · May 29, 2007, 10:59 PM

Originally Posted by LuvMyMaltipoo

If you do not trust him then things will never work out. If he has cheated on you and you are unable to fully forgive him then maybe you two aren't meant to be. I know that isn't what you want to hear but a relationship is nothing without trust.

He didn't really cheat on me because we weren't bf/gf yet... more like he cheated on her because he was stringing her along the whole time

brandy681 · May 29, 2007, 11:01 PM

I think that you should get this off your mind and let him know because every time you go over there it is a reminder to you. Yea, it probably means absolutely nothing but just explain to him that you don't want to see something that another girl gave you staring you in the face. It will not be like you are asking him to get rid of it but just ask him if he want mind taking it down. Guys do not think like women and he probably has no idea how you feel about it. If he sais no when you ask him to take it down, well than I think that is a little disrespectful to you and maybe in the back of his mind he could have feelings for her but you need to get this off your chest! I don't think he does have feelings for her and I think that he would probably have no problems taking it down but again guys don't think like women so he probably doesn't even think about that star or even realizes it's there just like my friend LuvMyMaltipoo sais.. Don't feel embarresed to ask him, just do it and get it over with and it will probably reasure you a lot once you see it not up there anymore.

(I can see why there is trust issues if he was stringing her alone while dating you or however that was done. I think that is as bad as cheating and I can see why you would not trust him because honesty is very impt, I hope you mention the star to him)

brandy681 · May 29, 2007, 11:03 PM

I think that you should get this off your mind and let him know because every time you go over there it is a reminder to you. Yea, it probably means absolutely nothing but just explain to him that you don't want to see something that another girl gave him starring you in the face. It will not be like you are asking him to get rid of it but just ask him if he want mind taking it down. Guys do not think like women and he probably has no idea how you feel about it. If he sais no when you ask him to take it down, well than I think that is a little disrespectful to you and maybe in the back of his mind he could have feelings for her! I don't think he does and I think that he would probably have no problems taking it down. But again guys don't think like women so he probably doesn't even think about that star or even realizes it's there just like my friend LuvMyMaltipoo sais.. Don't feel embarresed to ask him, just do it and get it over with and it will probably reassure you about your relationship once you see that it is not up there anymore. Be happy that you are the one that is with him now and not his ex but just explain to him that that is a reminder for you and to ask him nicely if he would take it down. It shouldn't be that big of a deal to him!

starscollide · May 30, 2007, 10:43 AM

Originally Posted by brandy681

I think that you should get this off your mind and let him know because everytime you go over there it is a reminder to you. Yea, it probably means absolutely nothing but just explain to him that you don't want to see something that another girl gave him starring you in the face. It will not be like you are asking him to get rid of it but just ask him if he want mind taking it down. Guys do not think like women and he probably has no idea how you feel about it. If he sais no when you ask him to take it down, well than I think that is a little disrespectful to you and maybe in the back of his mind he could have feelings for her! I don't think he does and I think that he would probably have no problems taking it down. But again guys don't think like women so he probably doesn't even think about that star or even realizes it's there just like my friend LuvMyMaltipoo sais.. Don't feel embarresed to ask him, just do it and get it over with and it will probably reassure you about your relationship once you see that it is not up there anymore. Be happy that you are the one that is with him now and not his ex but just explain to him that that is a reminder for you and to ask him nicely if he would take it down. It shouldn't be that big of a deal to him!

I did as you said and it turned into a huge fight. He goes, "So what now you're telling me what I can & can't have in my own room?" and I said that it wouldn't matter if it wasn't from her but that it is and so its an issue and he went on about how its important to him blah blah blah

Concerned4 · Jun 5, 2007, 01:25 AM

Originally Posted by starscollide

I did as you said and it turned into a huge fight. He goes, "So what now you're telling me what I can & can't have in my own room?" and I said that it wouldn't matter if it wasn't from her but that it is and so its an issue and he went on about how its important to him blah blah blah

This star thing on your boyfriends wall is just a trophy, an ego boost, he just wants to show the world and remind himself that he's hot. Its basically down to insecurity and he needs to know that he is admired, not just from his ex but anyone. A total stranger could send him a star and I bet he would still hang that on his wall. Some men need this approval, the worst you can do is make a big thing of it, it will only turn him away from you. Treat it like it really is, tell him your sorry for bringing it up and that you realise now that its only there to make him feel good about himself, and if that's what it takes to make him feel more secure with his masculinity then you are all for it. He will soon see how pathetic he's been and may even take it off the wall himself in time. I'm a man so I know how fickle we can be sometimes. Good luck

Concerned4 · Jun 5, 2007, 01:28 AM

This star thing on your boyfriends wall is just a trophy, an ego boost, he just wants to show the world and remind himself that he's hot. Its basically down to insecurity and he needs to know that he is admired, not just from his ex but anyone. A total stranger could send him a star and I bet he would still hang that on his wall. Some men need this approval, the worst you can do is make a big thing of it, it will only turn him away from you. Treat it like it really is, tell him your sorry for bringing it up and that you realise now that its only there to make him feel good about himself, and if that's what it takes to make him feel more secure with his masculinity then you are all for it. He will soon see how pathetic he's been and may even take it off the wall himself in time. I'm a man so I know how fickle we can be sometimes. Good luck