[marge1303]

Hey, This is my first post and I found myself searching for some help and someone to talk to.

I have been dating this guy for about a year now, and we met while working together (it was both of our first jobs out of college). It was a very competitive sales job, very stressfull and commission only. When we began dating I found several messages from his x-girlfriend as if they hadn't completely broken up until he found me. After about 6 months of a serious relationship I changed jobs in order to have our space, knowing we could not work together forever. I spent weekends with his family as he did with mine. We were very serious- he had been there for me through a rough year (My best friend died in a jet ski accident). It really made the feelings more intense. He had moved here specifically for the job, while I am from the area. Because we had been seriously dating from the minute he arrived he found himself with no friends 6 monthes into living here.

Right around the time I switched jobs he began becoming distant, claiming he needed friends and needed to get things consistent at work. He was really unhappy here only having one friend (me). I understood, as I wasn't sure what I would have done if I were him. I gave him his space slowly... it took a few weeks to get used to it, every so often I would and still did get upset at not seeing him as often or talking to him.

Previously we had spoken about marriage and moving back to his hometown. Throughout the good times of the relationship he told me I was the one, I was not the one to bring it up (although typically the girls are!). I really felt like Wow I had found the one! Throughout the entire "break" he has reassured me I had nothing to worry about, he will come back. He has sent me messages saying don't worry I know you're the one for me.

More recently he has made friends- quite a few girls- which some Im comfortable with some Im not. Over the past weekend I suspected him to be cheating with one of these girls. I called a million times (totally did the psycho girlfriend thing). Her car was out front his apartment, and she had a crush on him previously in the year. Now he is angry at me he said I needed to leave him alone for a bit, after he said this I told him what he had put me through was too much and I didn't ever want to talk to him again. Im just wondering is this way of making sure Im the one? Ijust don't know what to think about him anymore? I feel like he's changed and Im defending the old person he was.

Any Advice?

[Caramella]

I think the most worrying thing is his anger, men, especially the ones that have cheated on their girlfriends tend to react with anger when accused of cheating. Obviously the situation was questionable, but still he didn't bother to properly explain you the circumstances. Other things... I can understand need of space and problems with adjusting to the new environment... but common, who needs a "break" in a relationship to make new friends? Especially Girl-friends. Something smells not quite right, don't you think?

[marge1303]

I agree, something is not right.

I guess I just keep holding on to the idea that he used to be so great! I mean this is the guy that wouldn't let me carry anything, open any door, he was a perfect gentleman. His mother sends me cards, and calls. I just don't get what or where things went wrong. Im holding on to the idea of -how could he do this when I meant so much to him? He even still just last week bought my flowers and a teddy bear and spent the whole evening with me on the couch when I was sick at home with my parents! Just last week made comments that he wants to go golfing with my dad! I don't get boys at all!

[Caramella]

My Grandma, had a way... when she met my grandpa he was crazy about her and wanted to marry her, brought her flowers, etc. so she wanted to find out - is he for real? - she told him, that he is not allowed to see her for a month... of course he didn't listen and few days after chased her up with flowers and so on, and this made him understand that he cannot stand a minute wihout her... good test for men, maybe try it out, if you still care about him, if you think that he is worth it

[talaniman]

Go back to who you were and resume your life without him. Totally leave him alone, and get your own happiness back. Drop the mind games your playing with yourself as it will drive you crazy. Work on that temper and impulsiveness, not healthy.

[klinus1997]

I think you should move on... He wanted a break - to let you down easy. He cares for you, but not the way you do for him. You will find someone else after him - someone better! Cry for a week and move on. It will be okay. Don't look back - you know life is too short to sit around being depressed over him.

[Rockabilly1955mama]

If he acts like that, you truly don't need him. You should move on. He's just trouble from my understandings. It's going to be hard. But if you stay with him you have to ask yourself these question..
Will it get worse?

You have to look out for yourself honey.
It's not worth it.

[marge1303]

Thanks for all the input, I know I deffinitely can't be with him the way he is now! Perhaps one day the old him will reappear, but until then my lifes to important to let his bring me down.

[Rockabilly1955mama]

That's my girl! I hope everything turns out great for you. Best of luck darling.