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luciana87 · Jul 31, 2014, 10:40 AM

Hello, I am here to share my story with you and ask for your advice too... I was dating a guy for a year and when we met he cheated on me on the first month because we weren't that serious I decided to forgive it... he was so caring, and I can say that I was the happiest girl back then... but we were studying in a foreign country so when I finish my course, we had to decide if we were going to continue or break up... we decidee to continue, then he start lying to me, I had to found out from other people and recently I found out that he was seeing a girl... they happen to kiss, so I broke up with him... but I like him very much and honestly I don't know what to do to forget him... and the worst part is that next week I'll travel to that country... I wanted to surprise him but right now I have no idea what do to there without him... and how to resist the urge to call him... can someone help me... I am so broken heart and I'm scare that I'll go back to him because I'm weak emotionally... help please

Wondergirl · Jul 31, 2014, 11:37 AM

Why are you going back to that country next week?

Oliver2011 · Jul 31, 2014, 12:08 PM

He's not faithful and you cannot trust him. Do you always want to worry that he is seeing or whatever'ing with someone else? I wouldn't want a relationship like that. I don't think you should settle for that either.

Keep your mind active. Get some exercise. Go our with friends. Watch a movie you have been wanting to see. The more you keep your mind active the less time you will focus on him. After a few days/weeks, you will have mentally moved on.

joypulv · Jul 31, 2014, 12:18 PM

DON'T GO!
You just said you don't know what you will do there. Ergo, there is no good reason to go.
Most of us can feel helpless when we think we are in love. Just keep reminding yourself that he isn't in love with you, so there really isn't 'love' when it's one sided.

Do you realize that you asked about him exactly one year ago today?

talaniman · Jul 31, 2014, 01:01 PM

That's a lousy idea to go to surprise him. REALLY, REALLY LOUSY. WHY??

luciana87 · Jul 31, 2014, 01:20 PM

Iam not only going there because of him... also because I am doing a medical treatment, in my country we don't have the right equipment to treat it... don't worry I'll only stay there for two weeks and I won't let him know that I am there... actually I want to keep my distance.. I wanted to surprise him before I know about it, now I really don't want yo see him... thanks so much for your help...

For medical purposes because in my country we don't have the right equipment to deal with the disease I have...

luciana87 · Jul 31, 2014, 01:34 PM

Yes u're right it was a year ago... as far as the money issue I was wrong, because he paid everything back and also bowerred me when I needed... so he wasn't using me but it doesn't change the fact that he's not faithful... even though he swears that he'll change

luciana87 · Aug 1, 2014, 02:09 AM

@wondergirl, for medical treaments... that was the main reason that made me go back that country... but its only for two weeks and I won't be in touch with him...

Jake2008 · Aug 1, 2014, 08:14 AM

Distance makes it a little bit easier to stay away from him. Knowing you are going to be within touching distance, will probably bring up all kinds of feelings that you had already dealt with.

Think of this confusion as a relapse. It isn't the end of the world, it doesn't mean that you will lose the ground that you've already struggled to achieve, or that you can't immediately get back on track, and focus on your new life, without him.

Realize that these thoughts are fleeting and temporary, and that the reasons for the breakup were valid, and necessary. Time has a way of making us forget the serious problems that existed at the time of breakup, and we have a softer view of those problems, and a bigger memory of the good times.

It is like a death that way. Your mother could have been a controlling, psychotic cocaine dealer with a bad heart. Her problems and decisions while raising you affected you in negative, resentful ways. Then she gets hit by a bus, and dies. In time, that loss becomes tolerable, and the good times outweigh the bad, and you remember more fun times that bring a smile to your face. Even the worst among us have some redeeming traits.

What might help you to stay strong, is to realize that there is a very good chance, should you see him again, that you will fall for all the things you remember, and love about him. The past won't surface, until, and I repeat- until, he cheats, or lies, again. Think about that when your feelings are leading you down a road that you've already be on, and realize that you don't want to go that way again.

And instead, reflect on what kind of man you do want in your life. If you are honest with yourself, you will realize you don't want another one like the one you have already had.

talaniman · Aug 1, 2014, 08:22 AM

Have you been in contact with him in the last year? Hearing about him in some way? Or is it just the thought of being so near him thats been driving these feelings?

Having the feelings is one thing, acting on them is another. Don't act on them, just handle your legit business and let the feelings fade.

luciana87 · Aug 3, 2014, 12:43 AM

@jake2008, thanks so much, you helped me realise that time heals and that I can be so much better and achieve so many things by staying away from him.. :)

I was in a relationship with him, I only came back to my country this year in April, and since then we've been talking on skype, whatsapp and viber... But recently I found out that he cheated, he kissed a girl in a club, so I broke up with him, we've been broken up for almosr two weeks... so its very recent,, but anyway I'll make the effort to stay away from him... but its very hard because he was my best friend