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Rachael69 · Mar 5, 2014, 06:06 AM

Hi! My name is Rachael and I'm a 44 years old, heterosexual cross-dresser. I'm happily married to an amazing, beautiful, intelligent woman, whom I'm deeply in love with. We have 5 children and a great life. My wife is aware of my desire to cross-dress and she accepts it. She even occasionally buys me clothing, wigs, make-up, etc... My wife also has a bi-sexual desire, but has never acted upon it, other than kissing a few strippers during lap dances at a strip club we attend occasionally together. We have mutually decided that we will not bring a 3rd person into our bedroom. Suffice it to say that her desire to have sex with a woman is as equally strong as my desire to dress as a woman.

Although my wife is bi-sexual, she also prefers me to be very manly (unshaven, rough, hairy, macho, etc... ) which, ironically - I actually enjoy being very manly at times just as much as I enjoy being very feminine while in girl mode. Is as accepting as my wife is - she has repeatedly told me that she does not want to see me as a woman, nor go out (even if out of town) with me in girl mode and she certainly does not want to have sex with me, while I'm dressed as a woman. That's where I'm confused? She openly admits that she's bi-sexual and attracted very much to both men and women (Manly -men and girly-girls). She told me on a few occasions after seeing me all made up that she was shocked at how gorgeous I was as a woman (in fact, I almost sensed a tiny bit of resentment/jealousy/competition). She's expressed to me how much she would enjoy the smooth, soft skin of a woman as well as her long flowing hair and perfume (which I have totally nailed to her liking) and she has reiterated that she has no desire to bring a third person into our bedroom (male or female) - and so, all that being said and all things considered - I was soooo hopeful that her and I could enjoy this cross-dressing erotica together - and yet, she still prefers not to?

What am I missing here? Have I just not struck the right cord with her yet? Could my fantasy of being with her while dressed as a woman be in our future, but she's just not "there" yet? Or, do I need to accept that it will never happen? She says it's difficult for her to "compartmentalize" my two persona's in her mind. Or, am I just not pretty enough for her? Is there a better approach? She has leaked it out that when she has seen me dressed up on rare occasions that it "stirred" something up in her? But, she can't seem to describe what it is? I truly believe we would have so much fun together.

Is there any advice out there on how I could softly approach my wife about this without being pushy? Thanks,
Rachael

smoothy · Mar 5, 2014, 06:17 AM

You just have to face the fact that she might not want to. Sure some might... others won't. Count your blessings she accepts as much as she does... a lot of women wouldn't.

Look at it this way... if SHE had a fantasy of watching you go down on a guy... and you wanted no parts of it... would you anyway?

No its not the same... but I'm just using that as an example that everyone has limits... and they have to be respected.

Fr_Chuck · Mar 5, 2014, 06:50 AM

Bi sex, sex, at some point involved no, ( or little clothes) at the end of the day, you still have the other body parts. Also she knows mentally you are a man, no matter how beautiful women you appear in cross dress.

So she can never, ever look at you and think "WOMEN".

Part of the issue on this, is of course, each of you have specific sexual desires, and perhaps she still is somewhat ashamed to be public with cross dressing. Not everyone is open for public displays of ones fantasies.

She may never, or she may agree at some point, to an occasion, I would assume perhaps this has became a issue at this point,

Also, of course, many couples where the women is bi, has the women with a special friend she may see a few times a month or so. Not in the bedroom together, but a outside dating. I know many many couples who do that.

talaniman · Mar 6, 2014, 08:17 AM

You should be grateful she is understanding and respect her boundaries whether she comes around to letting you live your fantasy or not. I am sure you would rather her come to your way of thinking on her own and not just indulge you to shut you up and be unhappy about it right? If she can keep her fantasy in fantasy land, so can you. So don't push it.

Rachael69 · Mar 6, 2014, 09:21 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

You should be grateful she is understanding and respect her boundaries whether she comes around to letting you live your fantasy or not. I am sure you would rather her come to your way of thinking on her own and not just indulge you to shut you up and be unhappy about it right? If she can keep her fantasy in fantasy land, so can you. So don't push it.

Good point - Thank you