[k1j14mom]

I didn't really know exactly where to put this but my best friend is having an affair and I just don't know exactly what to do. I know she doesn't deserve to be treated the way she is treated by her husband but she will not just get out she thinks that having a man on the side telling her what see wants to hear and feel is better. She says she wants to spend the rest of her life w/ her husband. But I don't understand why she is going else where for emotinal attention, sexual attention and affection. Please help! I don't approve but I want to be there for her because she is my BF. But I just don't know what to say to get her to see the light Oh yea and her so called boyfriend is only 16 and the state of Oklahoma it is not illegial but still not a good thing. :( :confused:

[RubyPitbull]

K1, from what you state, you seem to have tried talking to her and it is getting you nowhere. Accept that your friend is going to do what she wants to do because that seems to be what she is telling you. She needs to come to the conclusion that what she is doing is wrong. Your simply telling her this, doesn't seem to have the effect that you want. So, there is nothing that you can do but to listen to her when she talks about her situation, if you can stand to do so. What will happen if she chooses to take your advice and it backfires on her? It will come back to bite you in the butt and your friendship will come to an end. She will blame you for anything that goes wrong. So, if you want to remain her BF, keep your mouth shut and your ears open. Something like this cannot go on forever. It will come out at some point and she will have to pay for the consequences of her actions. Do not let yourself be sucked into a mess that she is creating. You will regret it if you do.

The only thing you can possibly say to her now is to ask her to think about this: What will she do when her husband, or the boy's parents, eventually find out? Someone is bound to slip up, whether it is her or the kid, or one of the kid's friends, someone is going to say something. Ask her, what then? And, leave it for her to figure out. You have done what you can to get her to stop this.

[msrene39360]

k1j14mom,

I want to know how old is your friend? And how long has she been married and also her husband's age I am not judging anyone I just need to know so I could get a little understanding. Let me tell you a li about myself I am 23 years old my husband is 29 years old we have been married for 2 years and I have to tell you it's been hard a marriage is hard if not on one then both my husband was the sweetest thing I had ever meet just near perfected until we got married and that's when everything started coming to the light I have been in the hospital with my husband he was in a coma once he had a car accident and was ejected from the car which had started flipping and he suffer toooooo many injuries I mean tooo many I want get into detail becauseI will be here all day and night I foundout a few days after his accident while he was still in coma that he was starting to have feeling for someone else by looking through his cell looking for contact numbers I found a text that really through me for a spin I was hurt and confussed but I knew I had to be strong for him and so I put my feeling to the side and nursed him back to health I could have cheated and trust me I had chances but I chose a different choice he is now fine only thing is he has to have surgery on his leg once more well my point is you feel that your friend is wrong but if her husband is doing her wrong then maybe she feels that there is nothing wrong with the way she acting everyone handle things in different ways and it sometimes have to do with your age I am not saying cheating is the answer she seems to be looking for love from her husband but he is not acting the way he should so she feels by going out getting someone else to fill in that blank that her marriage is okay she is getting from this guy what she can not get from her husband and she still wants her husband she is taking what's missing in there marriage from another. So you want to know is it wrong and if you are wrong for not speaking to her about it I would have to say that wrong is a very hard word and that they both need to come together with someone in that field to talk with about there marriage and you need to just let her know that you are there for her and try to talk with her about what she is wanting out of her marriage but do not try to turn her against her husband in anyway that will only make it worst in she will shut down good luck:)
And I agree with you about the 16 being young that's tooo young

[JoeCanada76]

I would say 16 years old is young. How old is your friend? Your friend rocking the craddle then maybe the authorities would help the matter.

What do you do about the situation. It is not up to you to say anything except be a supportive friend, be there to listen to her but also make it clear that you do not approve of her behaviour.

It does not make sense that she still wants to be with her husband but at the same time is stabbing her husband in the back. Even if he is not treating her right that should not give her an excuse to have an affair. Eighter get out of the marriage and end it so she can continue her so called love affair with jailbait or stop all contact end the affair and receive counseling and confessing herself to her husband what she has done and see if things can eventually work out.

No matter what happens I guarantee the situation will get worse before it gets better.

Joe

[k1j14mom]

She is 27 and so is her husband and they have been married for 9 years. In the state of Oklahoma what she is doing is not illegal I looked it up to make sure because I was worried about that. I have told her also that if she wants her marriage to work she needs to talk to her husband about counseling and if he doesn't want to go she should try it by herself. I am married myself and I know marriage is hard and that there is never an excuse for cheating emotionally or physically but I do understand why but I don't think it is okay I am also afraid for her so called boyfriend if her husband finds out because he has an aggressive temper.

[RubyPitbull]

K1, you have given your friend some very good advice. All you can do is be there as a support, and keep encouraging her to go to a counselor before this all explodes in her face. We cannot force anyone to do something they aren't willing or unable to do for themselves. Just keep being the good friend you have been to her. Remind her of her husband's explosive temper. Tell her you are worried for her safety. All the things you have been doing is exactly right.

[Matt3046]

Yeah I don't think she is really worried about her marriage. It sounds a bit weird, but all you can do is tell her what you think, she is your friend not your kid.

[louie1]

Totally agree!!

Sadly you can only be the shoulder to cry on and trust me there will be tears!

[ggmagoo]

I know she is your best fried, but try being a good human being and tell her husband what she is doing. He has a right to know. I could not stand by and smile in his face knowing the truth. Do the right thing and tell her husband.

[RubyPitbull]

Gg, I know what you are saying. I have seen your posts and know you have a good head on your shoulders. But, I have to respectfully disagree with your advice. This is her friend's marriage. She cannot get in the middle of it. If she wants to try to talk her friend into telling the husband, that is one thing. But, what you are suggesting will guarantee her losing her friendship due to a betrayal of trust.

[ggmagoo]

I hear you Ruby, but it just doesn't seem right to sit by and watch it happen. I took into consideration that it may very well end their friendship and of course I would not want this to happen. But, doing the right thing doesn't always make people popular, but in the end it is the right thing to do. I am strongly opposed to people having extra marital affairs as it is a risky and dangerous past time. I understand where your coming from Ruby, but goodness... he has a right to know that his wife is toying with his safety, his life. And as far as this young lady(k1j14mom) losing her friendship due to a betrayl of trust. Her friend doesn't understand the concept of trust and has mastered the art of betrayl. Maybe getting a dose of what she has been dishing out to her husband will bring her some clarity. I respectfully disagree and agree Ruby... In the end its her life and her decision to make.

[RubyPitbull]

LOL, I hear you too gg. Frankly, I think it kind of stinks that her friend has placed K1 in the position of confidant with this.