[amberangel]

Hi I'm a 24 year old woman and I live with both of my parents.
Here's my story:

It started during my high school year(about 7 years ago). My boyfriend and I were happy together till he tired to rape me. I was playing a video game and he was watching me play. Next thing I knew, he push me onto the bed and pin me. I was begging him to let me go. But he wouldn't. Sorry, I don't want to say what he did next. When I had an opening, I kick him hard as I could between the legs. He got off me. I had a knife on my night stand. I grab it and point it at him. I told him to leave and he did. I cried all night till I fell asleep. After that happen, two more years pass. I try everything I could to get him break up with me, but he wouldn't. See, he told me once if I ever break up with him, he would kill his self. And blame it all on me. So I tried to get him to hate me and leave me. So people wouldn't hate me. But after another month pass, I broke up with him. I didn't care what happen next. He was hurt and angry. He even punch my bedroom wall.

My mother was very angry at me for being so mean to him all the time. I then told her the truth. I told her every thing he did to me. At first, my mother was silent. She ask questions like where and when it happen and I told her in my room and when her and my father were outside. She then said all boys and men are like that and that he was just trying to be "sexy" for me. I was freaked out what she said. "Anyway, don't tell your daddy and just try to tell (my ex's name) you're sorry. Maybe you'll even get back together one day." She smiled when she said this. My mouth drop and my hands were shaking. She didn't care the fact he was the one who hurt me. Till this day I have never forgive my mother on what she said.

Then after all that was over and I was dating again, my ex came by my house once again. I was really mad when my mother welcome him in. My ex was just smiling when he saw me and said hey kiddo. I left the house and went out with a friend. I came home and my mother got on to me about leaving the house like that and going shopping because his father wouldn't let him hang out with his friends. I didn't care about his home life after what he did to me. She even ask me one day if I want my ex to live with us. I told her I would move out and never talk to you again. She got angry and we started fighting. During out first fight, she said she told him about me going on dates with this guy I was seeing. I yelled at her and said it was none of his business. And it wasn't her place to tell him. Then she said the worse thing you could ever say to your child. "I hope one day he's happy and you end up all alone!"

Today, my ex is gone. He's no longer in my life. My mother and I still fight about a lot of things. My disability money(she like to take my money sometimes and make me pay for things that I don't want to pay for), my friends I hang out with now(who I only talk to on the internet, I don't have any friends here where I live at)and about how fat I am. Sometimes she makes it hard for me to love her. And I have so much hate in me for my 1st ex and my mother that it's too hard for me to move on with my life. I don't have anywhere to go and I don't even know how to live on my own. Sorry for still being a little kid when I'm 24 years old. Should I try to love my mother or should try to deal with it best I can?

Thank you for reading this.

[Wondergirl]

Does your disability prevent you from moving out? You need to take control of your disability check. Could you do that?

I am very angry at your mother.

Can you find and visit a social worker or counselor in your area to get help?

[Jake2008]

I can understand why, seven years after the sexual assault, you still hold resentment toward your mother for not protecting you, and believing you, when you were only 17.

Can you tell us what country you are living in, and that would help to identify some resources that could be recommended to you.

Also, what is the nature of your disability.

[Fr_Chuck]

Of course sorry but how long did you stay with him after he attacked you. And you tried to make him break up, NOT breaking up with him yourself, a lot early.

I guess your mother may not have taken it as serious, if after the attack, you keep dating him, let him back in your room, time and time again.

It sounds like you did not hate him that bad, to stay dating him.

But also what things does mom make you pay for, electric, water, rent, food ?

[amberangel2]

Of course sorry but how long did you stay with him after he attacked you. And you tried to make him break up, NOT breaking up with him yourself, a lot early.

I guess your mother may not have taken it as serious, if after the attack, you keep dating him, let him back in your room, time and time again.

It sounds like you did not hate him that bad, to stay dating him.

But also what things does mom make you pay for, electric, water, rent, food ?

This is amberangel, sorry I couldn't log this morning. I had to reset my password, but it still wouldn't let me log in. Yes, it was stupid of me to stay with him and try to get him to break up with me. I was scared of him. At first I thought I try to help him, but it just got worse. He told me he would kill himself if I try to break up with him. So I try so hard to be mean to him by not talking to him a lot and telling him not to touch me. My mother would yell at me for that and my ex would just smirk. I know I was really really stupid to stay with him. I do blame myself at times.

I do pay rent which covers my lights, water, electric, cable and ect(I don't mind paying for my rent.) I buy my own food, which I thought my rent would cover it but didn't. My mother would get me to pay for pets that are not mine own, some car payments that are not in my name, buying my mother's meals all the time(she likes to go out to eat a lot and never buys my meals, not even once)and buying her and my part during our family trips. Hotel rooms, food and stuff she wants to buy to give people as gifts. Sometimes she never pays for her part of the trip.

I hope you're not mad at me or anything. Sorry if I did make you mad.

[amberangel2]

I can understand why, seven years after the sexual assault, you still hold resentment toward your mother for not protecting you, and believing you, when you were only 17.

Can you tell us what country you are living in, and that would help to identify some resources that could be recommended to you.

Also, what is the nature of your disability.

This is amberangel, I'm having problems logging in at the moment.

I live in Chattanooga, TN.

My disability, I have problem with my legs. They are turn differently. Like my feet is turn to the outside and not straight. If I try to turn them straight, my knees turn in and touch each other and I can't walk like that. My legs hurt a lot when I stand for a good hour or two. I try talking to a doctor but he said he doesn't recommend surgery. I also can't read very well and write very well. I can't handle money well, I not good at counting money like with 100 bills. I hope I didn't confuse you.

[amberangel2]

Does your disability prevent you from moving out? You need to take control of your disability check. Could you do that?

I am very angry at your mother.

Can you find and visit a social worker or counselor in your area to get help?

This is amberangel, I couldn't log on to my account.

I'm not if my disability will let me move out. I don't know how to take care of myself to tell you the truth. I can't handle money well. And I'm not sure if they'll agreed with me or would have to sign my check over to someone else, if they can do that. I'm not sure.

[Wondergirl]

I'm not if my disability will let me move out. I don't know how to take care of myself to tell you the truth. I can't handle money well. And I'm not sure if they'll agreed with me or would have to sign my check over to someone else, if they can do that. I'm not sure.

It's time to connect with Catholic Charities or Lutheran Social Services or some such agency that will connect you with one of their social workers or counselors and help you figure out how to live on your own or in a group home or with a roommate. There can be regular oversight of how you are doing, with regular checks and contact.

[AmberAngel3]

It's time to connect with Catholic Charities or Lutheran Social Services or some such agency that will connect you with one of their social workers or counselors and help you figure out how to live on your own or in a group home or with a roommate. There can be regular oversight of how you are doing, with regular checks and contact.

(sorry again I'm having problems with resetting passwords with both of my accounts. This might be the last time I write this.*might not be able to log on again if I sign off*)

Thank you. I will take this to heart and call about a group home and do everything I can to
Get out of my parent's house. I want to thank everyone who wrote and answer this to me. I just hope I can move on with my life. Again thank you to anyone who answers this.