Do I stop loving my mother?
Hi I'm a 24 year old woman and I live with both of my parents.
Here's my story:
It started during my high school year(about 7 years ago). My boyfriend and I were happy together till he tired to rape me. I was playing a video game and he was watching me play. Next thing I knew, he push me onto the bed and pin me. I was begging him to let me go. But he wouldn't. Sorry, I don't want to say what he did next. When I had an opening, I kick him hard as I could between the legs. He got off me. I had a knife on my night stand. I grab it and point it at him. I told him to leave and he did. I cried all night till I fell asleep. After that happen, two more years pass. I try everything I could to get him break up with me, but he wouldn't. See, he told me once if I ever break up with him, he would kill his self. And blame it all on me. So I tried to get him to hate me and leave me. So people wouldn't hate me. But after another month pass, I broke up with him. I didn't care what happen next. He was hurt and angry. He even punch my bedroom wall.
My mother was very angry at me for being so mean to him all the time. I then told her the truth. I told her every thing he did to me. At first, my mother was silent. She ask questions like where and when it happen and I told her in my room and when her and my father were outside. She then said all boys and men are like that and that he was just trying to be "sexy" for me. I was freaked out what she said. "Anyway, don't tell your daddy and just try to tell (my ex's name) you're sorry. Maybe you'll even get back together one day." She smiled when she said this. My mouth drop and my hands were shaking. She didn't care the fact he was the one who hurt me. Till this day I have never forgive my mother on what she said.
Then after all that was over and I was dating again, my ex came by my house once again. I was really mad when my mother welcome him in. My ex was just smiling when he saw me and said hey kiddo. I left the house and went out with a friend. I came home and my mother got on to me about leaving the house like that and going shopping because his father wouldn't let him hang out with his friends. I didn't care about his home life after what he did to me. She even ask me one day if I want my ex to live with us. I told her I would move out and never talk to you again. She got angry and we started fighting. During out first fight, she said she told him about me going on dates with this guy I was seeing. I yelled at her and said it was none of his business. And it wasn't her place to tell him. Then she said the worse thing you could ever say to your child. "I hope one day he's happy and you end up all alone!"
Today, my ex is gone. He's no longer in my life. My mother and I still fight about a lot of things. My disability money(she like to take my money sometimes and make me pay for things that I don't want to pay for), my friends I hang out with now(who I only talk to on the internet, I don't have any friends here where I live at)and about how fat I am. Sometimes she makes it hard for me to love her. And I have so much hate in me for my 1st ex and my mother that it's too hard for me to move on with my life. I don't have anywhere to go and I don't even know how to live on my own. Sorry for still being a little kid when I'm 24 years old. Should I try to love my mother or should try to deal with it best I can?
Thank you for reading this.
