[mlh3283]

I am a strong woman. I am very independent. I work, I go to school and I am active in the community. I am also a single mother to two amazing little boys. A year ago, my boys and I picked up and moved 750 miles away from the only home I have ever known. Now that we are living across the country from family and friends, I am having a hard time committing myself to this new place. Since being here, I have only made a small handful of close friends. One of those friends happens to be a co-worker of mine.

He is married. He has two boys that are the same ages as mine. We work side by side daily, and therefore we have a lot of time to talk about all sorts of things. He has helped me to dream again. For along time, I only focused on what was necessary to provide for my boys. Now he has me talking about opening up my own restaurant, again. I can literally talk to him about anything, and I do.

There has never been any type of physical contact between us. I would never allow that being that he is married. Nor has he attempted. But, we have both talked about being together. Not about sex, but actually being together. I know he loves his wife and his boys. That is why I am so torn about my feelings. Loving a married man goes against every moral code I have. Yet I can't seem to stop.

I am 27 years old and up until this point have never cried over a man. Even through several failed relationships. But with this man, I can't quit hurting. I feel like I am self-destructing and through no fault of his. I can't keep my composer. I find myself talking about him, thinking about him and daydreaming about him. We both know that if we don't put space between us then something could happen that shouldn't. I just don't want to lose him. Even if he never leaves his wife, or we never move forward in a relationship or any other of the possibilities that are out there, I don't want to lose him as a friend. He has given me back a part of me over the last 6 months that I have lost over the last 8 years. I don't want to walk away from that.

What do I do? I am in such inner turmoil that I almost cannot bear it. And as a reminder, nothing physical has happened at all between us. He is married and I do respect that, I just can't manage to turn off my growing feelings for him.

[tickle]

You are going to have to put distance between you and he. That may mean leaving the job you are in and getting something else. You are describing a complete disaster if something happens. You work with him and you love him and you want him. If I were you I wouldn't even go there or you will be heading for a whole lot of hurt that will impact on every aspect of your life and your boys.

I hope you see light at the end of the tunnel and get out of this situation before something happens that should not be.

Ms tick

[answerme_tender]

I agree with Ms Tick. This is a disaster that will end up blowing up in your face and you will be left alone with nothing more then a mess to clean up. If all these plans are so great for him, why isn't he even attempting to leave his marriage. Words are great to hear, but actions mean so much more! This just isn't about you, its about your children, and if you really think about the entire thing, you will need to include his children, and the unsuspecting wife. You need to find a different job, don't do anything in life that you will eventually be ashamed of having to later explain to your children.

[Devorameira]

You say that you're a strong, independent woman, but you sure are showing your weak side.

This man is married and has his own family. Regardless of your fantasies about him, you need to break it off with him totally. He's taken.

You may not realize it, but you are already having an affair with him. Maybe not a physical affair, but an emotional one. That's cheating and lowering yourself to being the "mistress".

I know you want to keep him as "a friend" if nothing else, but it's impossible when you're feeling that strongly about him. Listen to that inner voice and stop.

[Jake2008]

This has already crossed too many boundaries of common sense and decency- on both parts.

He is a co-worker. Not your therapist. Stop crossing that boundary of respectful distance at work, and reserve personal information for close female friends, and family. You have already gone too far when you say this:

But, we have both talked about being together. Not about sex, but actually being together

Please for the love of God leave married men alone. He has a wife, and he has children. Cut him off, stop the conversations, flirting, and planning. Show some respect for 'the other woman' who in this case, happens to be his wife!

I suspect that eventually the 'other woman, aka the wife', will eventually realize that her husband is, at the very least, not the man she thought he was when she married her. Until she does, and kicks him to the curb, he is not fair game to you. He's not available. He's taken. Even though he has all the sweet words and walks on water and polishes his halo every morning, he is an unfaithful man, and you are encouraging him.

You don't have to have sex with him to 'be with him', although I doubt that sex hasn't been on the radar for some time now. Again, this is another woman's husband- show some respect.

While it may be difficult to cut ties with this guy, for your own health, and that of your children, and his children, and his wife, I strongly encourage you to stop this before it results in disaster for all concerned.