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Malyn22 · May 11, 2013, 09:05 PM

We are engaged for 4 years but our relaionship begins with all his lies, that he is not married and no baby.

After a year being with him he told me that he need to file divorce which I completely don't understand why, he said because of my ex common law wife and he made me believed that.

Along the years we had big fights about his drinking and talking to bar girls and I tried to leave him many times but he always follow me and take me back.

After 2 years of being engaged we had a fight about other hookers and from then he admit all his lies and I ask him to stop lying to me so the truth, he was married with Asian woman and they have a baby together.

After all the revelations I help him and encouraged him to finished his divorce so we can move on but it didn't stop there because we have to take care the court decision to hve a visitation for her daughter. His daughter needs to meet him at least twice a month for 2 days stay with him.

I had a terrible acceptance about this situation as I never had a child on my own. And I have not said about this to my family as I was lied about this.

I had 1 day with my fiancée and his daugther but I felt so uncomfortable and feeling sorry for myself.

I can't sleep with my fiancée every time his daughter is around. I can't stay around our apartment if the daughter is there. I only go home at night till her daughter sleep. I sleep on the guest room by myself and crying.

This will be the set up of our weekends at least Twice a month.

I don't know how to cope up with it.
I love children but I don't know how to handle my fiancée daughter.

Maybe I feel jealous or hurt as I see her because of her mother.

I don't know what to do.

Please advice

O

joypulv · May 12, 2013, 03:48 AM

Why do you stay in this misery?
You can't call it love. Love is mutual.
You aren't held there by force.
You aren't held by economic necessity.
You break up with him and he 'always follows you and takes you back?' Dragging you by the hair? Show more integrity and self-worth and power over your own ability to make your own decisions.
Do it now, and answer back about how it went. Surround yourself with family and friends for protection and support and to keep you busy.

Never mind about his daughter. If the other parts of this relationship were good, you would be able to accept her. Especially if you had a sense that you would be a mother soon. Of course you are jealous, but that's because he doesn't really love you. He wants it all - lies, exes, hookers, women everywhere - and you. Why does he want you? Because he has you regardless of how he treats you.

You aren't going to change him at this point so STOP ALL CONTACT and break up.

odinn7 · May 12, 2013, 05:51 AM

I can't believe what some people will put up with while convincing themselves that they're in love.

joypulv · May 12, 2013, 06:06 AM

There's also the concern over the poor little girl, who probably doesn't want to be away from her mother, especially with a stranger living with her father, made worse by you avoiding her and crying in the guest room. So you need to break up for her sake as well as your own.

I also want to complain to the world in general about these 'engagements' that last indefinitely. An engagement is a time for planning. A financial plan. How many children, if any. Where to live. How much to spend on a wedding and who will be invited. And so on. Marriage is supposed to happen after about ONE YEAR!

odinn7 · May 12, 2013, 07:13 AM

Originally Posted by joypulv

I also want to complain to the world in general about these 'engagements' that last indefinitely. An engagement is a time for planning. A financial plan. How many children, if any. Where to live. How much to spend on a wedding and who will be invited. And so on. Marriage is supposed to happen after about ONE YEAR!

I hear that. My brother in law has been engaged to his live in girlfriend (they have 2 kids together) for almost 10 years now. Really? Why bother?

talaniman · May 12, 2013, 08:37 AM

A relationship that's built on lies is unhealthy and unhappy. You cannot cope with anything about this relationship because it is itself a LIE! The biggest lie is you leave and he takes you back. In truth you cave to whatever crap he gives you.

Lies and crap you take will continue and get worse if you marry a liar. The solution is to remove yourself completely from the lies and crap, find happiness for yourself, and never look back.