[confusedwoman09]

I think I'm in love with my boyfriends friend. I really don't care too much for my cheater boyfriend or his alcoholism. He's mean and a horrible person, but I have kids with him.

Anyway, his friend has always caught my attention. I dream about him and we even flirt with each other. I always see him looking at me and smiling but I don't know if he's interested or what. Last week my now exboyfriend who I live with was passed out in his room and me and the friend were in the living room, yes we were drunk, but it was so close to going further than the flirting and secret glances. But I was scared and couldn't do it. He is scared to hurt his friend, and I'm scared to be rejected. What do I do?

[J_9]

The first thing you do is to get out of this abusive relationship and get yourself healthy so that you can have a healthy relationship. Leave the friend alone for now.

[Fr_Chuck]

Leave your loser boyfriend and then worry about new relationship

[Cat1864]

I think I'm in love with my boyfriends friend. I really don't care too much for my cheater boyfriend or his alcholism. He's mean and a horrible person but I have kids with him. Anyway, his friend has always caught my attention. i dream about him and we even flirt with each other. i always see him looking atme and smiling but i dont know if hes interested or what. last week my now exboyfriend who I live with was passed out in his room and me and the friend were in the livingroom yes we were drunk but it was so close to going further than the flirting and secret glances. But I was scared and couldn't do it. He is scared to hurt his friend and I'm scared to be rejected. What do I do?

This may seem harsh, but I am not certain things are quite what they seem.

Only in one sentence did you call him your ex-boyfriend and even then you say you are still living in the same home. I am not certain if he is as 'mean and horrible' as you might want us to believe. In a way it sounds like someone trying to excuse their own behavior.

If the relationship is not working out, leave for yourself and the well-being of your children. Do not leave because there is another man waiting for you. Jumping from one relationship into the next is not good for you or your children. It doesn't give you time to heal and let go of the past. It doesn't give you time and space to build a new foundation for your children's lives before trying to build a new relationship. Work on your relationship with yourself and them before bringing a 'new' man into their lives (It can be even harder on them if it is an old 'friend' in a 'new' role.)

If you leave, consult a lawyer about your rights and responsibilities with regards to him and the children. Go through the system to set up custody, visitation, and child support. You may not live with him but he is their father and you still have to be a parent with him. Try not to make your children feel like pawns in a chess game.

I think you need to stop romanticizing the friend. I get the impression he is a fantasy. You dream about him and play games with him. He is the dream lover you have given a human face. He isn't a real man to you. He isn't a knight-in-shining-armor ready to sweep you off your feet. He seems great because you are not living with him and having to deal with his every day behavior. How often does he drink or get drunk? One other thing you haven't mentioned is if he is currently in a relationship.

I think you need to encourage your self-confidence and reliance to grow. Don't fall into the trap of doing something you know isn't right because it will only end up damaging you.

[talaniman]

So a drunk who lives with a drunk, wants another drunk, instead of the drunk she has. Do the math, too many drunks for there to be common sense, or good behavior.