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KDJ1 · Apr 9, 2013, 06:21 PM

My first love and I were together on and off since the age of 12/13 until I was 20 and he was 22... 4 years down the line and I am still madly in love with him. I thought after time it would get better but it has in fact got worse. There isn't an hour which goes by I don't think about him... I just miss him so so much. I am regretting things I done in our relationship and how I treated him at times, I put it down to being young and naïve.

I was the one who ended our relationship and can't help but think 'what if'. I have tried to move on, I have tried to have other relationships but I find myself longing after him throughout and ending them as a result. I have stayed single for 2 years in hope I will pull myself together but it isn't working! Any help/advice on how to move on would be great. Thanks x

NICOLE2013 · Apr 9, 2013, 08:33 PM

I have gone through the same thing, let him know how you feel and see where his head is, he may feel the same. But if not you won't have to ever say I didn't try. It took me asking him and him saying he didn't want to work it out for me to stop trying. I still thought about it. But when you think about it just think there's someone out there that's going to love you the way you loved him, don't wait on someone that dosen't want it, when that's someone great waiting somewhere.

lostandlonely51 · Apr 9, 2013, 08:34 PM

Sounds like you should try and contact him/her . Maybe try to re kindle things. Or forgive yourself for what you have done and move on

talaniman · Apr 9, 2013, 09:06 PM

Its easy to be stuck on past romances (especially the FIRST, and in your case the longest) when but staying single making friends and having activities to look forward to helps a lot until you are really ready to move beyond your past.

Your mind and heart can never be open as long as your holding on to the ghosts of the past, and comparing all the options and opportunities for fun, love, and romance with what you had that ended because you weren't ready for a great love... as an adult.

So what's going on in your life now, and have you had any recent contact at all?

JudyKayTee · Apr 11, 2013, 10:16 AM

If it's been 4 years and he has made no contact I would consider the relationship to be over.

Has he moved on? Steady girlfriend, married, something else. If you contact him the "hurt" is going to start all over again.

You are undoubtedly not the same person you were when you met him. He most probably is not either.

Past relationships, however serious, are just that - past relationships.

mbyrne230 · Apr 11, 2013, 02:40 PM

Hi KDJ1, I don't know how the relationship ended except that you ended it. If it was complicated or if things were left unsaid, you may feel you need closure. I think you should contact him and tell him how you are feeling. Once you know how he feels, you will be able to move on, either with or without him in your life. You see, I think you are feeling paralysed because you don't know how he feels and you cannot react to him until you do. There are three ways you could react to him depending on how he feels. 1. Get back into a relationship with him (don't forget why you broke up with him though and be aware you are both different people now that you are both older). 2. Be friends. 3. Walk away. It all depends on how he reacts and how you feel about that reaction. Once that happens, you will have closure and can move on, either with him in your life or without. Good luck!