[Run4help]

My husband has been slowly killing me emotionally. No matter the argument or the situation he always finds away to blame me. Lately he has been stealing meds from our employer in order to get high, refuses to get help. Now he has started to steal from me and even threatens physical harm if I tell anyone. I'm almost scared to fall asleep at night cause I'm worried what he might do while he is high. Help me please!

[tickle]

Now is the time to help yourself, and not be put under another person's thumb. How do you suppose we can help you if you can't help yourself. We can help you with advise.

Are there are any children involved ?

[teacherjenn4]

Why haven't you reported the theft to your employer? You can go to a woman's shelter for help. You need to be safe, so find one in your area.

[Wondergirl]

It sounds like it's time to get yourself out of this situation and into a safer one. Can/will you do that? He needs to be reported to the employer and to the police.

[tickle]

This is a slippery slope for all of us who want to respond. We know what to say, know what to suggest, but OP already knows what is going on, and god knows how long it has been going on.

I hope whatever advise she receives on here, will be sifted through, a decision reached, and the right path taken.

If there are children involved, and we don't know, then the situation is definitely horrendous.

[joypulv]

You chose Run4help as your ID. Pack your backs and go to people who can protect you, preferably family.

[smearcase]

Sounds like it would be very easy for you to get wrapped up in that "stealing drugs from our employer" issue. Can you afford to lose your job on top of everything else? If it is as bad as you describe, going to authorities has to be considered but it sounds like that could be risky also. Maybe a lawyer could give some good advice on how to proceed.
Be prepared to defend yourself--somehow.

One thing is for sure, the chances of conditions improving on their own are slim and none.

[Run4help]

I have 2 children and 3 grandkids. I am thankful for the advice, however as dumb as it sounds I still love him and want him to get help. I'm terrified to be alone cause I fear that I will fail. I know that's absurd considering the alternative. I can't afford to lose my job but, I'm worried that somehow he will make it seem like it's all my fault

[Oliver2011]

Please help you? You help yourself by walking out the door and not looking back. Do you have family or good friends that can help you temporarily? Do it for your kids!! You shouldn't have to live that way.

[smearcase]

If he has been stealing drugs, he is addicted or dependent. He very possibly can't stop on his own. If he can steal drugs where you he and work, it must be some kind of medical facility or closely related. If he goes for treatment, will he be dismissed or demoted or anything? And not being a lawyer I don't know what that threat of physical harm constitutes, and/or if they can fired him if he goes into treatment. Could a restraining order be issued? Does he have weapons? In some states, weapons are confiscated when the order is executed.
There are too many unknowns here. You need to talk to an expert who will not cause you to show your hand with your employer before you know what the ramifications could be. A lawyer who can give some expert advice is still the best option. It may even be a free consultation. Depending on what the lawyer says, maybe then a meeting between you, your husband, and the lawyer could bring these issues into the open- as much into the open as they can be brought without jeopardizing jobs. If nothing else, it might lessen the threat of harm once your husband realizes there is now a witness to the threat that was made.
The best hope is that you can get him into a treatment program without either of you losing your jobs.
You seem to be more concerned that your husband will make it all your fault, than you are of the physical threat, possible loss of job etc. That is not a rational approach to this problem.

[ANGIE4124]

Yes you can run for help; but YOU CAN'T HIDE!

Fact is; you enable your Husband's behaviour whereby he feeds off your weakness to get away with murder or in this case; steal Meds, threaten physical harm and blame you no matter what! No need to worry about failure when this is going on in your life! Sounds like a very successful story so far…

However, as dumb as it sounds, why not run for cover and let him hit rock bottom all on his own? Then he will have nobody too blame, but himself!

I know that's absurd considering the alternative of falling asleep at night peacefully, keeping your job and yourself alive! But can your children and grandchildren afford losing their Mother etc; to the consequences that would follow if you do not run for help?