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Podcast · Nov 4, 2010, 02:15 AM

My girl and I have been going out for 9months now and have fallen deeply in love with each other. Unfortunately we went on a break about a week ago and its really tearing me apart (she is also going through a rough time). She feels on the one hand that I am not the right guy for her but on the other hand she loves me so much and knows that I am what she needs. She has been having a lot of pressure work, death in family, family financial stress, study stress. I have supported and carried her on hands and feet and nothing was too much when it came to her. The relationship was stressful at times but it was mostly because she couldn't commit to the smallest things like planning to do something in a months' time or even just adding me as her boyfriend on Facebook. She isn't sure what she wants, but she can't understand why she doesn't want what she needs.
In general we have a very healthy relationship and we talk about our feelings and we are extremely honest with each other. 90% of our friends don't understand why we are on a break because it's so clear that we fit so well together
This is her first relationship ever and I had a relationship for 6 years previously. I am 24 and she is 27 the age gap has never been an issue because my environment is considerably more mature because of the average age of my friends.
Best thing I can do now is give her time but its effecting my life, my work, my studies, and my health.
Encouragement and advice would be appreciated thanks.

Wondergirl · Nov 4, 2010, 03:04 AM

1) She feels that I am not the right guy for her.
2) She has been having a lot of pressure at work.
3) There has been a death in her family.
4) There has been family financial stress.
5) She has study stress.
6) She can't commit to the smallest things like planning to do something in a month's time.
7) She can't add me as her boyfriend on Facebook.
8) She isn't sure what she wants.
9) She can't understand why she doesn't want what she needs.

If the above are why she says she is taking a "break," she is lying to herself and you. It is during times like those when the two people who are a couple CLING to each other, not take a break.

I suggest you go completely No Contact with her.

Podcast · Nov 4, 2010, 03:08 AM

It seems to be the logical answer but it feels open ended. But I agree and I'll consider this. Thanks for taking time to answer this.

Wondergirl · Nov 4, 2010, 03:10 AM

Why does it feel open ended? You, in fact, would be closing the "gate."

I'm thinking your going NC would force her hand. But you have to commit to NC.

Podcast · Nov 4, 2010, 03:22 AM

So forget about her move on ? Thus making the decision for her and losing any hope to have fixed this? I can't help feeling that there is still a chance and hope.

Wondergirl · Nov 4, 2010, 03:26 AM

I said NC would force her hand. She has asked for a break; you give her one. Set a time limit -- 3 months? 2 months? NC during that time. She gets her life back together. At the end of the agreed-on time, you contact her to find out where her head and heart are.

Podcast · Nov 4, 2010, 03:36 AM

Awesome thank you so much I'll do this

Wondergirl · Nov 4, 2010, 03:43 AM

If you don't go NC and continue to nag at her and whine and be needy, she will begin to hate you. Then the breakup will be forever.

If you give her a set period, that sets boundaries for her. Meanwhile, she has the opportunity to find out if she can get herself together without you and be strong on her own. That will make her a better partner for you when you and she reunite. You, during the break, will find your own strength, so that if she decides to break up completely at the end of the time, you will be okay because you have been outside of her drama for a while.