[Clarabelle23]

I'm 18 years old, and I've been in a relationship for a while now and things have started to get pretty serious. I'm a virgin, and my boyfriend is not. I know, without question, right now that I am not ready to have sex with him or with anyone right now due to a variety of reasons, religious beliefs being just one of them.

My boyfriend feels just the opposite way. He wants sex as soon as possible, and although he says time and time again that he will wait until I'm ready, he continuously talks about how much he wants sex and how frustrating it is that he can't sleep with me.

Sex means two very different things to the two of us. He has had sex with only one person before, but he has said that he had no feelings for the girl and did it just to "get it out of the way before college." I, on the other hand, am pretty sure of my emotional limits. I don't want to have sex with someone when there is a possibility that they will leave me. That's another reason I am leaning toward waiting until marriage; I want there to be a solidified commitment between myself and the person I have sex with, and I only want to have sex with one person. Am I the one that is in the wrong for thinking like this?

He has said that he wants sex well before marriage and that he won't marry someone without having sex with them beforehand. Now, my opinions on premarital sex are not set in stone and may be subject to change. However, even if I were eventually comfortable with it on my own terms, should I stay in a relationship in which sex is a condition?

I've touched on the subject of marriage. In addition to saying he won't marry me without having sex first, he also may or may not believe in marriage in the first place; he hasn't made up his mind. The same goes for having children. These are two things that I know I eventually want in my life.

I love my boyfriend, and I don't want to break up over this issue, but I'm starting to worry that we may just be too different from each other. Could it be that we are too young to be discussing things like this? Should I be waiting to see how we change and adapt together or should I be trying to move on?

[Wondergirl]

Hold on to your beliefs and don't cross that line, or you will hate yourself forever. Are you in college or planning to go to one? If so, you still have a lot of living and boy-meeting to do before marriage and children.

Oh, and no matter how much birth control you use, sex can equal pregnancy, so that's another caveat.

[Clarabelle23]

Yes, I'm in college, and believe me, I know I'm nowhere near ready for marriage and kids. I'm just concerned that maybe this is a dead-end relationship of those things aren't even in the cards.

[Wondergirl]

It sounds like there are three strikes against him -- the demand for sex, the maybe not wanting marriage, and the maybe not wanting children.