[Fabiola_M18]

I have been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for more than 4 years. We were high school sweethearts but when he started college we separated for a year and a half, from which half of the time we kept in contact and ended up seeing each other even though we started causally seeing other people. We got back together 2 years ago.
We've had our ups and downs like every other couple but it's always because of attitudes, being too stubborn, but nothing too serious. We always talk things out and move on.
(These last few months) He treats me like I am the most precious, delicate thing he has ever laid eyes on, he is so sweet to me. He's always reminding me how much he loves me and loves spending time with me and that he can't wait to see me. I obviously do the same.
But here's the tricky part.
When I went to spend Thursday night with him, we sort of had plans to go out but decided to ditch that and stay in and talk, cuddle, etc. It really was an amazing night. The next morning, I went to take a bath but told him I wanted to listen to a song so he left the laptop in the bathroom. I went to log into my Facebook but found out that his was still open. Curiosity took over me so I went to his inbox messages. They were all from his guy friends (duh) so I clicked his archived messages and I found conversations with these whores he hooked up with when we weren't together. HE said to one of them (11 days ago to be exact) that they should remember the old times in Bosque 51 (were they hooked up apparently; his best friend's place), and she has been the on and off girlfriend of one of his close guy friends, Willy. She has been such a c*nt with him but he always takes her back. So not only was he betraying me, but his friend. When I stormed out of the bathroom I started to pack my stuff to leave and when I showed him what I saw, he grabbed me and begged me not to leave like that and to talk things out. I told him to let go and that I wanted to leave, that really hurt him because I always beg him to stay 5 more minutes. Before he leaves. He started crying so much and telling me that he was such a prick for doing that, that he couldn't picture himself without me and he swore on his grandma's life that he didn't do anything. That Im everything to him and that I don't deserve anything hurtful and that he was so sorry for writing that. He actually admitted that he got me a pre-compromise ring for christmas. I don't know what to think, or what to do. I really love him, he's everything to me. Please someone help me get through this.

[Cat1864]

I have been in a long distance relationship with my boyfriend for more than 4 years. We were high school sweethearts but when he started college we separated for a year and a half, from which half of the time we kept in contact and ended up seeing each other even though we started causally seeing other people. We got back together 2 years ago.
We've had our ups and downs like every other couple but it's always because of attitudes, being too stubborn, but nothing too serious. We always talk things out and move on.
(These last few months) He treats me like i am the most precious, delicate thing he has ever laid eyes on, he is so sweet to me. He's always reminding me how much he loves me and loves spending time with me and that he can't wait to see me. I obviously do the same.
But here's the tricky part.
When I went to spend Thursday night with him, we sort of had plans to go out but decided to ditch that and stay in and talk, cuddle, etc. It really was an amazing night. The next morning, I went to take a bath but told him I wanted to listen to a song so he left the laptop in the bathroom. I went to log into my Facebook but found out that his was still open. Curiosity took over me so I went to his inbox messages. They were all from his guy friends (duh) so I clicked his archived messages and I found conversations with these whores he hooked up with when we weren't together. HE said to one of them (11 days ago to be exact) that they should remember the old times in Bosque 51 (were they hooked up apparently; his best friend's place), and she has been the on and off girlfriend of one of his close guy friends, Willy. She has been such a c*nt with him but he always takes her back. So not only was he betraying me, but his friend. When I stormed out of the bathroom I started to pack my stuff to leave and when I showed him what I saw, he grabbed me and begged me not to leave like that and to talk things out. I told him to let go and that I wanted to leave, that really hurt him because I always beg him to stay 5 more minutes. Before he leaves. He started crying so much and telling me that he was such a prick for doing that, that he couldn't picture himself without me and he swore on his grandma's life that he didn't do anything. That Im everything to him and that i don't deserve anything hurtful and that he was so sorry for writing that. He actually admitted that he got me a pre-compromise ring for christmas. I don't know what to think, or what to do. I really love him, he's everything to me. Please someone help me get through this.

You need to decide what you can and can't handle about the past.

The message that upset you was to someone he was involved with while you were not a couple. It was about about remembering old times not creating new ones. It doesn't sound like he has been keeping in constant touch with her if you had to go back 11 days to find that message. Talk to him and together set boundaries about contact with 'exes'. Trust that you will both stay within them.

What she did/does with his friend is between those two. If the relationship is as much of a roller coaster as it sounds, then you probably know only a fraction of the full story. Better to stay out of it and deal with your own ups and downs.

You cannot punish him for what he did when you weren't together. He didn't cheat on you any more than you cheated on him when you saw other men during the same time frame. If this is a thought you cannot accept then maybe you should walk away.

If you love him and want to build a future with him, both of you have to allow the past to fade away. You have to forgive each other and yourselves for any real or imagined wrongs. You have to accept that the relationship will never be what it was. However, it can be so much better and stronger if you allow yourselves to heal and rebuild from the foundation up.

If you can forgive and move forward, then there is a probability of building a wonderful life together. However, if you hold on to the hurt and feel like you cannot allow trust to rebuild or that you will be snooping and damaging the trust he has in you, then let go before you hurt each other more than you have.