[tinktothepast]

My girlfriend of 4 years (fiancé of 2 months) recently broke up with me about two weeks ago. I'm 26 and she's 22. This is our first serious relationship. We moved in together last month. At the point of breakup, she told me that she was unhappy with the relationship and felt we weren't compatible if she wasn't happy. She also said that if she can still feel unhappy even after we’re engaged that something is not right. We've had a rocky past and have broken up twice before, but for the last six months it was stellar. We talked about marriage and she encouraged me to propose to her. And when the time was right, I did it. She's a meticulous and logical person. This is why I was comforted when she actually wanted me to propose. It seemed like it came out of nowhere when she wanted to breakup. I can’t help but feel her decision and actions were impulsive due cold feet and other things in her life like preparing for the GRE and choosing a grad school.

Shortly after the breakup, I went to her house just because I wanted to see her. She gave me a big hug and told me she missed me. I understand that this is natural after having someone in your life this long. We kissed, she told me she loved me, and now she's teetering on if she made a bad decision. At the time, she was convinced that breaking up and moving out would make her feel better.
Since then, we've made out, told each other we love each other, locked hands, and I've been hanging out with her and her friends the last two nights because of one of our closest friend’s father’s passing. We’ve been trying to be there for her. In my time of hurt, I’ve been trying to focus on my friend.

She's still not quite sure about how she feels about the relationship. She wants to talk about us after I told her I still want to be with her. But because of midterms and her friend's father’s passing, she said she wants some time first to be there for her friend and take care of her midterms. This is completely understandable. She gave me a week deadline of when we will talk.

Now, one thing she did reveal to me during this past week has been that she felt I was too dependent on her. She’s independent. She wants someone who can be strong on their own. Which brought another problem she had where I was focused too much on being a provider instead of treating her the way she would like to be treated: an equal. I know I have to prove this somehow and I’m wondering if she’s also using this week to see if I can respect her wishes and go without talking to her about the relationship to show her that I can be strong. I’m an anxious person. I’ve always had trouble with chilling out especially when the relationship was sour. She gets frustrated with me when I try to bring up the relationship and keeps telling me we can’t talk about this right now due to what I talked about previously.

This is where you come in. I know we’re young. I know people will say I need to move on, but right now I’m focused on that opportunity she’s giving me to talk about us. I wanted to get another perspective on the whole situation.

Thanks for your time.